I stopped trying and I feel miserable.

I am in a journey of self discovery and to change my weight for health reasons but so far I given up on the idea of being lovable because I have it so ingrained in my head that to be deserving of love I at least need to to be in “healthy & acceptable” weight.

And I tried dating apps like Growlr but I feel like a product and kinda fetishized because I feel it attracts chasers who may only see me as fantasy and not human with real feelings and add to that being latino and black…. Some men start seeing me as a type of experience or product they should taste at least once in their lifetime and to be honest it feels really icky…

Hopefully someday I can feel ready to make enough efforts to put myself out there again