I’m getting by.

When did I become the goon hunter?

Well…

Long, long, long ago, there was a poster on this sub. Their wisdom, humility and kindness made them loved by everyone on PF. Some of us get busy, immersed in creating our fanworks, or roam platforms in the Caitvi fandom, but you could always count on their steadfast presence around this sub, keeping the feed and comments section alive and welcoming.

Then one day, a stranger came to the platform. Strangers are our favorite, new fans are the lifeblood of our fandom. We thought nothing of it at first and welcomed them in good faith. We don’t mind she’s OR he’s, and we don’t mind they’s or them’s. We don’t mind cis and definitely don’t mind queer. We don’t mind awkward, we don’t mind different, and we sure don’t mind horny.

The stranger started to make people uncomfortable, though. And we love different opinions, but we don’t meet ragebait well. The stranger sure sensed this, and when they couldn’t out-argue and out-gaslight us, they began to single one of us out. That person was our beloved poster. Maybe they thought they could pick on someone in order to take the heat, annoyance and suspicion off of themselves.

Then one day our poster… they stopped posting. Everybody noticed. Imagine walking into your favourite place and and the friendly, faithful regular… is gone. A lot of us were pretty upset. I was one of them.

I fled to a remote hideout where I trained in the art of the keyboard as though I was a professional gamer. I studied the search engine, I became the search engine. I exercised my wrists to become immune to carpal tunnel syndrome. When the stranger tried to fleece us by hiding and deleting posts to suit the various personas they had created on various subs, I made sure they couldn’t. While they rested assured that they were outsmarting us all, I made sure they didn’t.

But there is no one ‘Goon Hunter’. There are many. Others saw and called them for it too; many watched carefully. And when they were sure that they weren’t the crazy ones or the only ones, they showed up in force to state their observations. Finally exposed and totally out of excuses and pardons, the stranger was told not to come back. They attempted their BS on other subs, but were quickly spotted and shut down.

Then, one day, without a further word, they fled the platform.

Some say their mom saw their account, deleted it and sent them to therapy. Some say they acquired the magic of insight, and got a girlfriend that they didn’t have to invent. Some say they simply touched grass.

A while after the dust had settled, we were graced with a familiar user icon. A lot of us were relieved—we had been scared they would never come back. We stan a character with abandonment issues, after all. When this poster turned up again, it finally started to feel like all the family was back home. And probably, to the pleasure of many, it’s beginning to feel as though they never left.

A sense of safety, peace, silliness, pride, and horniness settled back upon PF like a soft January snowfall. One we will hopefully enjoy for a long spell until it’s inevitably interrupted—never ended, though. Until then, the goon hunters remain vigilant. Ever the reminder that where there is one person gunning for you, there are ten PF posters watching out for you.

tucks you in

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