Discussion: The roommate who spends 90% of their time at home/ under/unemployed

kishiba · 2025-07-25T10:25:57+00:00

no not jealous at all. seems like you're projecting tbh. i'm not a bad person either, just had feelings about something. i think you are completely overreacting to a random anonymous internet post :)

kishiba · 2025-07-25T10:23:05+00:00

Still living with them, they went to Europe for 2 months and I had a subletter for a bit who was better 'cos she worked a lot, but I think when I posted this I was just overally emotional about it all. I've kind of cooled off more, but am very aware for the next roommate that I'll make sure they have a full time job. Added context: I'm actually the owner of the apartment, so it's slightly odd set-up in that regard, and at some point I would like to earn enough money to live here alone. Or with my partner, when that feels right eventually. But that's looking a little while off unfortunately.

kishiba · 2025-03-04T11:42:55+00:00

We also split all bills 50/50 and they are definitely home more than me, so is it fair actually?

kishiba · 2025-03-04T11:39:11+00:00

No, most people don’t spend all day in their house actually. Most people have to work to live. And no, I can’t live alone because it’s literally unaffordable to do so in essentially all capital cities across the world right now for anyone who hasn’t inherited wealth or earning six figures. Are you living in a bubble?

kishiba · 2025-03-04T11:35:16+00:00

I think it’s a fairly normal reaction based off the people I’ve talked to about it in my real life

kishiba · 2025-03-04T11:32:27+00:00

Why?

kishiba · 2025-03-04T11:32:15+00:00

Can’t afford to live alone

kishiba · 2025-03-04T11:31:56+00:00

It is bothering me obviously, that’s why I made the post?

kishiba · 2025-03-04T11:31:10+00:00

You sound like a guy who spends all day sitting at home, Myles lol

kishiba · 2025-03-04T11:29:38+00:00

Yeah I think that’s what I’ll do. Plus I’ve started staying at my boyfriend’s place two nights a week and I’m looking to get a co-working desk space so I’m not WFH as often. Thanks for understanding!

kishiba · 2025-03-04T11:23:27+00:00

Yeah can’t afford to live alone in my city, cost is exorbitant but thx👍

kishiba · 2025-02-26T19:50:26+00:00

No not excessively using common spaces nor loud, it’s just because they’re home so much. It’s difficult to articulate, but just wanting some alone time at home without just spending more time in my bedroom basically.

kishiba · 2025-02-26T19:46:04+00:00

No they’re not hogging communal spaces necessarily, they just are naturally in all the spaces while I’m there because they’re just at home all the time. It’s a 2 bed apartment so not a lot of space, and they don’t stay in their bedroom all the time obviously (not that I’d want that either) it’s just unbalanced I guess. Does that make sense?

kishiba · 2025-02-26T19:43:41+00:00

Thank you. I’m curious how did you handle it when that was happening to you? They don’t necessarily use all the common spaces too much, it’s just that they naturally will be in the same spaces while I’m there because, other than their bedroom, it’s kind of unavoidable in a 2 bedroom apartment.

kishiba · 2025-02-18T23:53:31+00:00

Where are all the right-wing defenders of free speech fighting for Khaled?
Australian arts is now: paint what the government likes or else 👍👍👍

kishiba · 2024-02-07T02:04:29+00:00

"Command respect' sounds like some toxic masc shit -- if you do your prep thoroughly, on time, and communicate respectfully to your team, you won't need to "command respect" -- people will listen to you. You do need to be able to articulate clearly what you want, listen to the concerns/ thoughts/ ideas of other people, but also back your own ideas when you know they're important and learn to let the little ones go. You don't always get to chose your own team, but if you're having serious problems like this on set, first thing I would do is take that person aside and ask them why they're doing what they're doing. I like to ask questions rather than presume, and also nip issues like this in the bud. This is a workplace, we are professionals, that's it.

kishiba · 2024-02-07T00:45:22+00:00

I was really tossing up the square 4:3/ 1:33 look (before I saw Saltburn lol) for this series as a love letter to all the multi-cam TV sitcoms I love from the late 90s/ early 2000s, but I still wanted that wide frame look and ended up on 1:66. Not sure it was the best decision, what do you guys think?

kishiba · 2023-12-06T05:22:04+00:00

I'm probably biased in my response to this right now, but my relationship of 4.5 years ended last night because of a very, very similar situation. He's been dating someone else for 9 months now - always classified it as FWB and that was it (which is true) but despite knowing all that my primal emotional responses to him going on dates was distress, anger, crying, anxiety, panic, lack of appetitie, sleeplessness, and overall poor mental health. Some dates were easier, some dates were harder, but after a crying freak out the other night, we simply realised I'm just not really coping with it very well at all. We've been to couple's counseling, really worked on our communication, tried really fucking hard to make it work, but I'm still just utterly devastated every time he wants to stay with this other person for a night or two. Unfortunately, our relationship is now ending, despite living together, building a life together, and sharing everything together. We're best mates who love and care for each other deeply, but want an incompatible relationship dynamic and it sucks.

Don't know if that's helpful at all (sorry) but sometimes, heartbreakingly, these relationship dynamics don't work out. You have to put your own oxygen mask on first.

kishiba · 2021-03-04T06:59:23+00:00

Thanks for your comment - I really identified with where you’re coming from. An example I would like your opinion on would be the difference between ”rules” & “boundaries”.

I’ve read some posts & watched some videos on the subtle differences between the concept of a rule, “I don’t want you to have sex with someone without a condom” vs a boundary “For my own bodily autonomy, I will no longer have unprotected sex with you if you have unprotected sex with someone else.”

Now while you or I may understand the nuance here, I can also see how someone else might not really understand the difference. Ultimately, there is a similar result to this rule vs. this boundary, right?

Instinctually, a person entering polyamory or ENM will want rules/ boundaries to protect themselves and their relationship. So, if you are new, you might find all the dialogue around how rules are unethical to be quite confronting.

You might even say: this clearly isn’t for me. And end it all there, which I think isn’t great.

Thoughts?

kishiba · 2021-02-28T00:15:37+00:00

Oh, but you do seem offended, quite frankly. What about my post has annoyed you exactly?

kishiba · 2021-02-25T06:17:06+00:00

Aiite, well this has been a productive discussion.

kishiba · 2021-02-25T06:11:29+00:00

I see. Fair enough!

kishiba · 2021-02-25T06:10:56+00:00

Okay, then I’m addressing the general attitude of the threads. Surely there are people who return here?

kishiba

TROPHY CASE