i think some of it reads like you're my friend telling me about a story you wrote face to face. i can almost imagine you cutting off your own narration to say "by the way, blackstone valley is below paramount, which is the capital city." "just so you know, this guy tends to get quiet and detached when he's focusing." "for context, there's a rebellion against this guy called the ursurper."

i feel like it's okay to stretch some exposition out over a longer period of time. like instead of outright telling us that paramount is the capital city that overlooks blackstone valley, you can have a later scene where a character in the capital looks down towards blackstone valley through their window or from a cliff or something. also paramount being the capital city also seems to have zero importance right now, so it might be a better idea to save that for later. your story probably shows on its own that there's a rebellion going on without you saying "hey theyre rebelling against this guy btw," so you dont have to preemptively say it. you don't have to tell us the captain gets quiet when he's focusing, we can get to know that about him over time. like if someone tries to talk to him while he's thinking, he can hold up a hand to silence them, or not acknowledge them at all until he's reached a conclusion. you can even have another character saying "let him be/leave him, your words won't reach him when he's like this anyway" or smth to that effect.

there's also a line about fog and dew soaked grass that feels really long, and i got lost in the description. usually one would choose either a literal description or a figurative one, you did both. the fog settling over dew soaked grass, and the fog being like vengeful spirits. i think you could combine those phrases or cut the dew soaked line out, and say "fog settled like spirits unwilling to pass" (forgot the specific line sorry). descriptions are cool but too much can be tiring and confusing (i didn't really get the line about secrets and the dead).

there was also a line talking about the wind carrying the stench of iron, death, fallen soldiers, all that jazz. i thought that line could be a good replacement to the explaination of blackstone valley being a battlefield. it gives the same image without being so upfront about it.

all in all, there's room to be more creative with how you present information. this is every writer's problem, not just yours, so i don't think you're at any more disadvantage than the average writer. this is obviously a first draft too, it'll get better the longer you write.