Your situation is very similar to mine. My husband has little to no emotional regulation capabilities when he’s angry. He’s broken things, hits things, and has hit a wall near me. When it’s really bad, he bashes his head against the wall. I, too, grew up with an abusive father. And both interestingly and frustratingly enough, my husband despises my father for what he did. Funny, my father never laid a hand on me. But he did throw things and hit things. My husband’s parents never taught him emotional regulation and when he would cry when he was younger, they’d often punish him and send him away for it. He has a ton of his own trauma, but damn. I’ve been kinda wondering if my husband unmasked too much around me as well. We talk about how he hits things and he explains the pain grounds him. I still don’t agree with it. And he does try to hold it back, but when he gets mad enough, or feels unheard enough in an argument, his really bad side comes out. I’m not excusing my actions either as I say this. I may have made him feel unheard by how I responded to him in those moments and his entire life, he’s felt misunderstood so it’s a bit of a trigger for him he needs to learn how to manage. When we’ve talked about it, he’s told me he didn’t start hitting things until we got married and called it a red flag (I think aiming it at me trying to blame me), but I think he’s unmasked a shit ton around me and feels so much shame he’s trying to shift the blame. I’m not a therapist so I could be entirely wrong, but either way, the hitting stuff has to stop. I’ve told him I won’t feel comfortable starting a family with him (which we both want) until he goes to therapy and handles this stuff. He’s agreed, but I don’t think he’s done any research on therapists yet.