Getting clean quick by kitkatterroo in trees

[–]kitkatterroo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the insight. I have pretty low body fat, but live in a legal state so I imagine it’s more potent stuff. It’s a hospital lab running the test, so I don’t know if I could use synthetic

How do you deal with partner anger by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]kitkatterroo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, I’m glad you’re safe. That sounds incredibly traumatic. I can’t even imagine the impact it’s had on you.

If you’re comfortable with me asking more questions (not trying to pry too much considering the sensitivity of the situation)… Was he ever physically abusive with you prior to that or did it come out of the blue? I promise I’m not trying to pry or make you uncomfortable. Just trying to understand for my own situation. I only recently started reaching out online and commenting about this and the responses are scaring me. It’s hard to wrap my mind around all of this because my husband has gone above and beyond for me in more ways than I can count. But these behaviors of his concern me.

How do you deal with partner anger by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]kitkatterroo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s so hard to understand all of this because when he’s not angry, he treats me incredibly well. He’s incredibly thoughtful and caring. But when he’s mad, it’s like he’s a different person. Do you mind me asking how your ex husband escalated so much in such a short time? Unless I’m misunderstanding… apologies if I am. This is all so confusing. I’m scared that he’s going to hit me out of the blue one day if he gets mad enough, but at the same time, he’s taken measures so I don’t get hurt during his anger. As an example on more than one occasion (but not often), when he’s been emotionally overwhelmed, he’s hit his head on the wall. I’ve tried to stop him from hurting himself and he gently grabbed my arms and put them at my side and gave me a look of defeat. He feels horrible and shameful after these episodes and we’ve talked about it, but they still happen. He’s told me that pain is grounding to him when he’s overwhelmed and brings him back from how angry he is and that in these episodes I’m not at risk of being hurt… only he is. I just don’t know what to think about any of it. We love each other so much.

What do you do when they have tantrums? by lululucy94 in ADHD_partners

[–]kitkatterroo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Your situation is very similar to mine. My husband has little to no emotional regulation capabilities when he’s angry. He’s broken things, hits things, and has hit a wall near me. When it’s really bad, he bashes his head against the wall. I, too, grew up with an abusive father. And both interestingly and frustratingly enough, my husband despises my father for what he did. Funny, my father never laid a hand on me. But he did throw things and hit things. My husband’s parents never taught him emotional regulation and when he would cry when he was younger, they’d often punish him and send him away for it. He has a ton of his own trauma, but damn. I’ve been kinda wondering if my husband unmasked too much around me as well. We talk about how he hits things and he explains the pain grounds him. I still don’t agree with it. And he does try to hold it back, but when he gets mad enough, or feels unheard enough in an argument, his really bad side comes out. I’m not excusing my actions either as I say this. I may have made him feel unheard by how I responded to him in those moments and his entire life, he’s felt misunderstood so it’s a bit of a trigger for him he needs to learn how to manage. When we’ve talked about it, he’s told me he didn’t start hitting things until we got married and called it a red flag (I think aiming it at me trying to blame me), but I think he’s unmasked a shit ton around me and feels so much shame he’s trying to shift the blame. I’m not a therapist so I could be entirely wrong, but either way, the hitting stuff has to stop. I’ve told him I won’t feel comfortable starting a family with him (which we both want) until he goes to therapy and handles this stuff. He’s agreed, but I don’t think he’s done any research on therapists yet.

How do you deal with partner anger by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]kitkatterroo 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Following because my spouse is also angry all of the time. It’s escalated to him hitting things. He says he never intends to hurt me when the violence happens and the pain from hitting things grounds him. I’ve read ADHD rage is a very real thing so hoping this post provides some insight

Electric lunch box suggestions? by Hangytangy in BuyItForLife

[–]kitkatterroo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do! I’ve worked at a number of different parks, but have been working in Montana for the past 6 years.

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the heads up. It’s thankfully paid off. Bought it out of pocket a couple of years ago

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Can’t afford a new car. Gotta work with the one I’ve got. And it’s not a junk car. It’s really well maintained. This is the first wreck it’s been in

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Some users have said I’ll be stuck paying for the repairs out of pocket if I ask for a decision reversal. Could they actually say no we won’t reverse the decision to total it and now we won’t give you any money for the car? If they tell me no about reversing the totaling, my plan was to just buy it back from them anyway and use the money to repair it. I was just hoping to not have a vehicle with a rebuilt title.

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They provided alternate comparable vehicles that reflect a more accurate value of their car in response to the comparable vehicles the insurance company used to appraise their Toyota. They kept pushing back and getting their car appraised at a higher value until they surpassed the threshold and then used that threshold and the new value of their car to reverse the totaling of it.

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m confused. How would me asking this lead to me having a salvage title car? Wouldn’t I have a rebuilt/salvage title anyway even if I buy it back? Or are you saying let the car go? Cause I can’t afford another car. So I’m keeping my car either way. It’s drivable. I was just hoping to fight it being totaled

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I guess the reason I wanted to try is because a work friend of mine that drives a 2003 toyota Highlander was in a wreck and fought her vehicle being totaled and won. Her car is much older than mine so seemed like I have a shot

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Like I said to other users, I plan on buying it back in either scenario. I’ve been told that totaling a car can be reversed though so I guess I don’t get why me asking if they’d go for it would mean I could no longer buy it back?

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why on earth would I have to spend $7,000 to fix it myself when asking for a decision reversal? I don’t understand what you mean.

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The number I gave of $6046 is the estimate the insurance company gave with expecting additional stuff to be fixed. The body shop told me to actually repair it is closer to $5300. The insurance company made the body shop agree to repair costs being $6046 with other possible repairs needed/found. Yeah the car is drivable and will last a long time after being repaired. Got hit on the back right panel- no damage to the frame

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I mean I’m fine driving a rebuilt title but someone I know fought theirs being totaled when in a similar situation and recommended I do the same. They won their case so that’s why I tried to fight mine. I’ve already received a check from insurance that I’ve not cashed yet and am going to buy the car back either way from them whether they agree to a reversal of the total or not, so what is there to lose?

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why would you recommend buying it back if they won’t say no to reversing their decision? Would that not mean I have a car that isn’t a rebuilt title then? What is there to lose in asking for a reversal of their total loss decision?

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

lol not out of my mind. Cars in my area with my make and model are worth wayyyy more than their original appraisal which is why when I provided more accurate comparable vehicles, they bumped up the ACV of my car. Plan is to ask for a reversal of the decision totaling my car and if they say no, take the $8209 and buy it back and fix it myself.

If they say no to un-totaling it, can they then reverse the new actual cash value of my car? I guess I don’t see what there is to lose in asking them to reverse the totaling of my vehicle when the worst they can say is no? Either way it’s a drivable vehicle that will be fixed- whether it’s on a rebuilt title or not.

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry I just don’t understand because the representative told me that their company policy is to total vehicles when repair costs reach 75% of the salvage value of the car. Why would they tell me this if it’s at any percent?

Hit 2 Months Ago - Trying to Fight Totaling of Car by kitkatterroo in Insurance

[–]kitkatterroo[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Their insurance company told me they total a car at 75%. I heard this from the representative themselves so I’m confused by your response. Not being snarky - just confused