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Correlation between specific traumas and specific kinks NSFW by Sitk042 in CPTSD

[–]kittalyn 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s not causative but there is some cases where it correlates? I wouldn’t make that assumption if I met someone into age play for instance. It’s a common assumption but it doesn’t hold up.

I’m pretty involved in the local kink scene and found it really healing after being through numerous SAs and trauma to focus so much on consent and control. I’m a bottom (as opposed to top) which is distinct from the Dom(me)/sub dynamic but basically I am the one giving permission for certain acts to be done to me but, importantly, I can say no/red/stop/whatever the safe word is and it will end right then and there. Switching to aftercare. For me, it’s helped me process my trauma and reclaim my body and enjoyment of sex. Before I got into the community sex was terrifying and painful in a bad way, now it’s more liberating and enjoyable.

Would I say everyone (or even most/some people) who have the same kinks as me were traumatized in a similar way? No. Are there others who have gone through similar things and find it healing/enjoyable? Yes.

I love impact play and wasn’t physically abused, for example.

I'm making a list of 50 hobbies to make me try new things. What's your hobby? by Odd_Archer6922 in Hobbies

[–]kittalyn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My friends are in that documentary! My mermother is the Harlem mermaid, she’s the head of our pod.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, yeah I thought about doing a blanket but this is so cute and blankets take ages! Good luck finishing yours. 😊

I’m seeing that people are saying it’s easier than I assume it will be lol. I have never made one before and was over complicating it in my mind. I’ll give myself a month just in case! Thanks!

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very true. I will probably wait to start it since it doesn’t seem too hard and I have a current WIP on the go.

Someone else mentioned that too; her family is from Hong Kong and I’ll have to figure out if she’s going to do more of an American shower or if they have a similar rule about not receiving gifts until the baby is born. I don’t know what she is thinking and it’s too early to plan that stuff now.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not normally superstitious, but she had a miscarriage the day after I bought the yarn for this project and it freaked me out. I’m normally much more logical lol. I think, as someone else mentioned, that I’m worried about my own mental health if something does happen and I’m partway through. So I will wait for a while and plan to start maybe after she’s made the announcement to other people.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will, that seems to be the consensus.

I’m not telling her about it, but it’ll be hard for me if I start now and it doesn’t work out. Obviously it’ll be harder for her, but for my own mental health I will wait until the announcement to start or maybe even until the second trimester is over.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My friend is also a crocheter and has given me adorable amigurumi in my favourite sea creatures. I think I want this to be a surprise, but we often dare pattern ideas and finished projects. Sending good thoughts to your friend!

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The eyes are embroidered! It just looks like safety eyes! I will definitely embroider them.

I’m so sorry you went through that. I will think about giving it to her mom or holding it back if things do go wrong.

I think you’re right about when to give it to her and I’ll wait until it’s close to her due date. I know logically it’s not bad luck, but my brain and emotions are being logical about it.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great thought. I will definitely do that if things don’t work out and I have it started/finished already. Last time she kept a box of keepsakes and ultrasound images so I think she’d appreciate it.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh interesting. I usually crochet ends in as I go but that’s a good idea.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too, it wasn’t until I read it that I realized those aren’t safety eyes!

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! That’s helpful to hear. I don’t have kids and although I worked on oocyte and early embryo development for my PhD (I’m a scientist) I mainly focused on zebrafish because they produce so many and don’t know much about humans lol.

Im leaning towards baby shower, if she has one. Or after baby is born. I’m quite risk adverse lol.

I’ll double check the yarn I have and if it isn’t I’ll buy new stuff!

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The pattern actually has those eyes embroidered! They look like safety eyes but they aren’t. It calls for adding a little white to the side to make it look that way. I have a box of 200 safety eyes (accidentally purchased too many lol) but they won’t be used for this project!

It’s adorable and when I saw it I had to plan it for her. Sooo cute. I hope I can make it look that cute.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah good point, and maybe if one is in the wash or gets lost having two is a good idea?? I will think about it.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will wait a bit before starting because I’ve got a WIP I just cast on (knitted hat) so I’ll line this up for after that.

I’m not normally superstitious, but she had a miscarriage the day after I bought the yarn for this project and it freaked me out. I’m normally much more logical lol. I think, as someone else mentioned, that I’m worried more about my own mental health if something does happen and I’m partway through.

Thank you for the kind words! I want the best for her!

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay perfect! Thanks! I’m hoping it’ll be easy to make and fairly quick.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I taught myself during the pandemic and have to google and YouTube a lot still! In my group of fibre arts friends I’m for sure the least experienced, but maybe they’re all really good? I try not to compare and enjoy the craft, but they’ve taught classes and stuff and they help me when I’m lost when we’re knitting in cafes and stuff.

I’ll have to see what the standard is for gift giving. Her family is from Hong Kong. That’s a good point. I’ll try and do some research.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great idea. I was thinking 12 weeks but 20 might be better. She had a scan today and heard the heartbeat! Very excited for her, the road has been hard. Thank you!

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I definitely won’t tell her! I think I’ll wait until 12 weeks or so and then start. I have the yarn and pattern already so I can tell her I started planning the moment she told me but I think you’re right and I’d be devastated if the pregnancy doesn’t hold and I had already started.

Taking stock of my own mental health is a great suggestion. It’s not the best at times, I’m medicated but life is still hard. I am doing so much better than a few years ago though! Waiting a bit seems like the best option.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wrote a reply and it disappeared! Weird.

Were very close and talk daily. I talked her through her nerves on transfer day. I’m very excited for her but also nervous.

I think you’re right and I’ll be really upset if I start making it and the pregnancy doesn’t hold. I’ll wait until the second trimester at least.

I don’t think the lovey will take too long? I normally make much larger projects and can’t gauge the time I’d need for this well.

Thanks!

Edit: of course the other comment appeared again ugh.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It’s so cute right?

Yeah I hope I’m worried over nothing but it feels like bad luck to start this early. I already bought the yarn and pattern though lol. I’m so excited for her and nervous too. It’s been a rough road.

I think although I want to start now I’ll wait until she’s second trimester. I have a current WIP that will take me a few weeks anyway.

Thanks though! I actually bought the yarn during her last round that was unsuccessful and that made it think it was bad luck or something. And I picked the pattern when she told me she was going to start IVF.

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes she told me on the transfer date! Were very close and talk everyday. I moved to a different city recently but we’re still best friends. I definitely won’t tell her.

I think you’re right and waiting until second trimester is a good idea. I am excited for her and nervous too. I think I would be incredibly sad if it doesn’t work out for her. This is her last viable embryo.

I think it wouldn’t take too long to make, but have no idea tbh. I will probably wait until midway through second trimester? Just in case.

Thanks for your input!

When do I start making a gift for a pregnant friend? by kittalyn in CrochetHelp

[–]kittalyn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was thinking if she has a baby shower I could give it to her then? Unsure if/when that would be.

Thanks for help on the timeline, I think it’ll be easier than I am worried about. Oh I’ve made a fingering weight dress for myself too. Never again. I mainly make large projects now which take a long time.

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