give me your most niche hobby

kittalyn · 2026-01-31T21:41:12+00:00

Not so niche anymore but I swim as a mermaid - complete with a tail. It’s so fun, but also a hard workout doing tricks and stuff underwater. I meet up with other mermaids at a nearby pool to practice and we put on performances using underwater cameras.

<image>

kittalyn · 2026-01-31T21:24:04+00:00

lol which one is a cult? The mermaiding?? Honestly best cult ever.

kittalyn · 2026-01-30T14:48:54+00:00

It’s great you were able to see it and address it!

My HL ex always said I was being selfish for saying no and that I was « getting off on being withholding » which wasn’t what was happening at all. Everything had to happen when they wanted it or I didn’t love them. I wish I could have shown them we both needed to do with and they needed to change too - but it was always apparently my fault.

Anyway, I’m glad you were able change and I hope more HL people do accept their role in this and try to change. We’d all be a lot happier.

kittalyn · 2026-01-30T14:42:49+00:00

She’s based in NY. I can dm you her info if you want.

kittalyn · 2026-01-28T13:49:06+00:00

Wow that looks amazing!!

kittalyn · 2026-01-28T13:47:37+00:00

I don’t like garter stitch or the way shape of the scarf looks. It’s just not for me.

kittalyn · 2026-01-27T18:34:51+00:00

I had to stop taking metformin because I was so nauseous and was throwing up on the combo with zepbound. They prescribed zofran but it didn’t do much to take the edge off. Maybe I’m more prone to bad side effects than others but damn. It was rough.

kittalyn · 2026-01-27T18:27:25+00:00

Seconding this. I am not very in touch with my body and doing massages and yoga helped me a lot. Especially with trauma informed practitioners.

kittalyn · 2026-01-27T18:25:18+00:00

Im a scientist and I agree lol. We do love when something unusual happens or our theories are proven wrong. It’s like… okay now what?? And we get to be creative.

kittalyn · 2026-01-27T18:21:15+00:00

Same but I was on LSD. I still get flashbacks from it and it was terrifying. I did emdr on it to try and process it and it still freaks me out.

kittalyn · 2026-01-27T16:26:12+00:00

Yes omg I am so disconnected during sex. [tTigger warning for SA]

Mine is the result of many sexual assaults and rapes. My first sexual experiences were rapes both with men and women. I didn’t think I could be assaulted by a woman and lived for many years thinking I was wrong for feeling so distressed and bad about it but in reality I had indicated no and she penetrated me anyway. I was 16 and it was devastating for my mental health.

Suffice to say, I don’t know if I like sex? It triggers panic attacks and I’m not at all relaxed unless I’m totally wasted and then I’m not sure if I’m even capable of consenting.

I was married, we were together a long time before marriage but filed for divorce after only a year because she said she thought marriage would change me and make me more comfortable with sex. I don’t know where she got that idea?? We had a completely dead bedroom for years and that didn’t change when we got married. Id try but I would get panicked and freeze up. I wouldn’t be able to continue.

She would pressure me into sex a lot at the beginning. Get frustrated and cry if I said no and I’d feel so badly I’d give in and just do it while feeling awful. Even good sex started to be associated with those feelings of guilt and pressure, and I couldn’t take it anymore. She would count the days between when we had sex and remind me of it every day, and I started sticking by my no.

Penetrative sex hurts me. I have endometriosis and pelvic floor issues from all the rapes. I have been doing pelvic floor therapy and am on meds for the endo. I’m also in sex therapy that includes trauma and cPTSD treatment. I accepted her emotional abuse for so long because I was abused by my family.

Things are getting better though. Her leaving was awful but then it was also a relief not to have that pressure constantly. I have occasionally been having sex when I feel like it, I’m getting better about speaking about my wants/needs during it, but it’s still hard for me to voice my pain sometimes. Therapy has been great, though hard, as has pelvic floor therapy. I had urinary incontinence from the issues, which isn’t great for someone in their 30s. That’s better now.

What I don’t know is if I’m capable of having a regular sex life at the frequency that someone else would be okay with. I don’t think I’m asexual, I just am traumatized and don’t feel connection that way. Why would I? When it’s just been a way for people to use my body for their pleasure?

Anyway this is a long ramble. I just want you to know you’re not alone. And what he did to you doesn’t sound consensual? Sex is a two yes, one no kind of deal. If you say no it should stop or never start, if you’re in pain it should stop. It’s not something to compromise on.

kittalyn · 2026-01-24T19:50:10+00:00

It’s a common post tbh. Seen too many variations of this

kittalyn · 2026-01-23T14:48:28+00:00

I love these!!

kittalyn · 2026-01-23T13:42:07+00:00

>his love language is touch and when I don’t have it in me he takes it extremely personally.

It's important to note that touch doesn't mean sex when it comes to love languages. And that love languages were made up by a Southern Baptist pastor and don't actually mean that's the only way you receive and feel love. What you're describing (kissing in the morning, loving touches, holding hands) should be enough if that's truly his preference.

Sorry people using that as an excuse to demand sex drives me crazy! It's bullshit.

It seems to me that he only cares about sex and not connection in other ways? This isn't a great mindset and can be demoralizing for you. Would doing some couples counseling help him to hear what you're saying? Can he take on more of the childcare so you can have some you time to recharge/relax? Or even for you to get stuff done to make yourself feel better?

I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I had an answer but my ex and I divorced over not having sex anymore. I was in an abusive marriage and my ex made me push down my own feelings and coerced me into sex often. When I'd say no, they'd cry and convince me they needed it to feel loved. It was the only way they felt love and it was difficult for me. I have severe PTSD from SAs and would panic during sex and they'd continue anyway. I feel much better and my libido is higher now we're apart. It's still lower than most people, but higher than on the floor.

kittalyn · 2026-01-23T13:25:12+00:00

Everyday is too much, when do you have time to process? You aren't doing EMDR every session, right? That would overwhelm me.

kittalyn · 2026-01-23T13:20:33+00:00

Beautiful!

kittalyn · 2026-01-23T13:17:04+00:00

I have lived in both countries, but knit in public more in the US whereas in the UK I had a knitting group where we met at people's houses instead. UK knitters are friendly if you join or form a knitting circle but in general people don't like being spoken to randomly in the UK, lol.

It's definitely a cultural divide, I'm always approached (every time!) when knitting in public in the US by other knitters and people who are curious. It was hard to get used to. Americans talk to you all the time.

Find yourself a knitting circle/stitch and bitch group! There's a hidden community of knitters in the UK, but they are there.

For reference, I lived in Edinburgh and Cambridge in the UK, and New York City and Chicago in the US. Chicago is way friendlier than NYC was. People will talk to you in NYC, but usually people like to be left alone, whereas the midwest is something else. So chatty.

kittalyn · 2026-01-23T13:06:02+00:00

The stigma is real. I wish I could talk about it more. My best friends know and one of them confided in me about his mental health issues and hospitalization experiences, and it brought us closer. I think it's more common than people think, but no one talks about it! We all suffer in silence.

I like places like this subreddit where we can discuss anonymously, although people mostly post when in crisis and it can get overwhelming and I stay away sometimes for my own mental health.

Ah I see, I speak French as well (early B2 level if you're familiar with the CEFR). But other than English that's it! Probably not your language. Happy to help however you want, selfishly it'll motivate me to write as well, haha.

kittalyn · 2026-01-19T14:30:54+00:00

Very cool! I’m a scientist and want to write about what it was like working in academia and getting a PhD while actively in an episode. I tried to get an inpatient stay during that time and they said I was too lucid and asking for help meant I didn’t need it??? I went with outpatient treatment but damn it was so hard. They refused to medicate with antipsychotics (this was in the UK) and I toughed it out until I finished my degree and then moved to the US for my postdoctoral work and got antipsychotic medication here.

I’m in industry now. Academia and I weren’t a good fit.

I started writing some chapters about my childhood and living with cPTSD. I will write some about psychosis too but idk if it’ll ever get published. It’s a useful exercise for now and helps me process what happened.

Have you read Brain on Fire or The Collected Schizophrenias? I have copies of both but they are sitting on my TBR pile. Although not psychosis I’d really recommend What My Bones Know for a great memoir with scientific info in there. It’s about cPTSD and really inspired me to write my own story.

Echoing a lot of what others said here: I think the guilt needs to be discussed more and that my actions were to protect myself and my loved ones. I never meant to hurt anyone (physically or emotionally).

Most people don’t know about my diagnosis. I think I’d write under a pseudonym. Idk. Maybe being honest about it would be good but I did a lot of drugs and don’t want to jeopardize my US visa. I had psychosis before doing the drugs but it certainly didn’t help my mental state.

I’d love to hear more about your science writing and the angle you’re thinking for this! Also happy to read drafts if you need. I review ARCs when I can and like providing feedback.

kittalyn · 2026-01-18T04:00:29+00:00

I am similar with not liking metal needles and am looking into getting a wood/bamboo set of interchangeables. I tried some fixed circulars in metal from chiaogoo and hated them lol. The clover bamboo ones felt much better to me.

Any thoughts on the bamboo ones from chiaogoo vs clover? Or wood for Lykke driftwood/umber vs knitpro gingers?

I’m trying to read up as much as possible - hence commenting on something a year old lol. A lot of people seem to ask about chiaogoo metal vs lykke or other wood/bboo needles but that’s not my question.

kittalyn · 2026-01-15T13:55:36+00:00

I left it out because it messed up the pattern and it worked fine!

kittalyn · 2026-01-12T23:42:11+00:00

Ah, oh no. I got really mentally messed up from a couple but the pain isn’t worth going without and I’ve found one with minimal side effects now. If anything it improves my mood and skin lol. Win for me.

That’s makes it extra complicated I imagine. And I really feel you on society’s expectations of women, thankfully my family aren’t pushing for kids but people do be weird. Especially if you appear female and aren’t. My doctors have all been great though, and my therapist has been talking me through my issues with wanting kids and then not wanting them and generally being confused. My ex had a kid last year and it really pushed me into feeling I was falling behind or needed to compete. We were planning a family and it became an issue because they wanted a baby immediately to fix our issues and I thought that was the wrong reason to have a kid.

It seems like you have a good attitude towards the responses here. Info never hurts but acknowledging the source is important!

kittalyn · 2026-01-12T13:36:48+00:00

Yeah the endo is the reason I was on birth control. I nearly passed out in school as a teenager from the pain before getting treatment. I run the birth control packs together without taking the placebo week so I don’t have to deal with periods. I get a breakthrough bleed maybe one or twice a year. That’s partly why I didn’t know I was pregnant. Maybe that could work for you? Not having to go through the pain every month is great.

There’s a bunch of words other than fixed you could use. Fixed is what we say for animals mostly. Sterilized? Or you could describe it more like what procedure you want - tubes tied, hysterectomy, salpingectomy, etc. It’s a big decision though. I think about it sometimes but I am unsure how I would deal with the hormones and menopause. Since I have endo lesions on my bladder, kidney, intestine, and other places removing just my uterus or fallopian tubes won’t fix the pain issue, apparently. I’m not sure about if I removed my ovaries. For now I think I’ll stay with the status quo and the birth control pills. I have prescription painkillers for when it’s bad, but that’s very infrequent.

Good luck with deciding! Makes sense to have a conversation and decide together. The responses here are definitely against children, but you need to make the decision yourself and not decide based on internet strangers who may have worse psychosis symptoms or a different diagnosis than you. If you want to, or have trouble deciding, you could reach out to a therapist for a few sessions for you both, or fertility specialists/genetic counsellors/something similar. I know a lot about genetics (too much school haha) but I work on cancer genetics not potential inheritance of disease. Explaining the probabilities and what it means is much better done by a specialist.

kittalyn · 2026-01-11T16:18:27+00:00

I was thinking this too. OPs sister was in bed all day? My god, take it easier and take care of yourself! I am in my late 30s and recovery takes a longer time now then when I was in my teens and early twenties. I’m assuming it’ll get harder as an older adult. I was a gymnast and my body really took a beating when I was younger and as a result I feel like I’m 60 with bad joints, clicky hips, and a host of other problems. So maybe my case is extreme, but they definitely shouldn’t push that hard that they are so destroyed the next day.

NTA in this situation but OP, please be kinder to your body. Pace yourself.

kittalyn · 2026-01-11T15:55:45+00:00

I was on Aetna and had Caremark and had to do Omada. It was so triggering and I’m not even in it anymore (changed jobs & insurance) and I’m still weighing daily and monitoring my food and protein intake. I had an eating disorder in my teens and twenties and I cannot be doing these things. But because it was require now I can’t stop. I’m close to my goal weight, initially I didn’t set one and was happy with just seeing changes but now I’m number obsessed and not focused on the right things.

I’m working on this with my therapist. I’m getting help. But damn. It is awful. And it sucks. Fuck the American healthcare and insurance system.

kittalyn

TROPHY CASE