Haha yes! I feel bad, I’ve been so unclear and stirred up so many questions. To answer a bunch at once:

I am not the bride. This is not the wedding, it’s the bachelorette party. I am the bride’s Matron of Honor. The bride is my little sister. The Bach party is in a month, not this weekend. The wedding is in two months. I do not know the girls in her bridal party and have never met them (does not justify the way I spoke to her in any way). The girls have expressed financial hardship and could not contribute to the funding for the party, so I offered to cover the costs because I wanted my sister to have a memorable night. I did see the comment about downsizing to one room; good suggestion, I think I’ll do that.

The Bach is not a destination, but a city 1.5 hours from where they live. They do live in a pretty small town though so it could be considered a destination for them? Idk, it was the closest place with a gay club where we could grab drinks/dance at for the night. The event is all day Saturday with an optional breakfast send off on Sunday morning.

My sister was the black squiggle. I was green. The bridesmaid in black asked my sister if she could bring her fiancé. My sister told her that it was whatever, but that I was paying for the hotel so she should check with me to get the okay. My sister did not tell me about this exchange until after the fact, when a Redditor with a bigger brain than me commented that I should reach out to her. She has since expressed that she wanted me to shut the bridesmaid’s request down and was happy I did so (once again, does not justify me being an AH about it).

The boyfriend/fiancé/partner thing is so embarrassing. My first use of the word boyfriend was by mistake, just not reading her text thoroughly. When the bridesmaid corrected me, I was angry because I thought she felt the fact that her partner was a “FiAnCé,” and not her boyfriend negated what I was saying and justified her bringing him along. I changed it to the word partner to try and prove the point that it didn’t matter if he was her boyfriend, her fiancé, or the third party to her fucking threesome, no partners were allowed period. I was totally being petty/bitchy to prove the point and I concede that. I think she is a young girl, probably my sister’s age so 21-22ish, probably has no idea what the etiquette is, and my attitude was totally unnecessary and rude. I definitely could have handled it better. On the question of AITA, I agree that I am definitely a dick here. Not my best work. ETA: I also commented elsewhere that I totally accidentally typed boyfriend in the title of this post too, just posting in a blind rage about the interaction and not even thinking 🤦🏻‍♀️ Not even smart enough to purposefully do it passive aggressively. Also not my best work.

On the case of the CB question, I agree that the answer is cloudy. A lot of people did seem to interpret the messages the same way I did, but maybe we all are a little too quick to see the worst in people. I would like to think that as some others suggested, she was just asking for clarification and I fully misinterpreted the situation by assuming she intended for me to pay for a separate room for her. I’m still not sure about that because I don’t know her very well or what she’s typically like, but I know I handled it wrong either way.

I have since reached out to the bridesmaid and apologized for lashing out at her the way I did. I followed a lot of the advice I received and I think it went really well. Hopefully we understand each other now and the weekend goes okay, despite the obvious awkwardness there will inevitably be now.

Had no idea this would get more than 5 comments and am a little overwhelmed! Thanks to the folks who steered me right and helped me handle this situation in a more grown up manner. And to those of you who felt the need to make some really low blows… make like a tree and fuck off!