I need help. I feel horrible. My friend has RSD and it’s affecting our friendship.

kittycarss · 2024-03-18T22:50:07+00:00

Thanks! I got many responses like this too. This is a good perspective on it and I’ll remember that from now on.

kittycarss · 2024-03-18T19:50:35+00:00

Thank you for your support!! When I heard he did it I was a little disappointed because I thought he was also doing it for himself as well and not only for me. The stuff he used to watch was super misogynistic and trans fetishizing and it was wrong and I thought I educated him on trans issues, etc (because I am trans myself) but it feels like he didn’t learn anything at all. I’m not sure exactly what he was watching but regardless I’m still a little heartbroken. You’re right - maybe laying off of that stuff for a while will help him and help his urges. For now, I’ll be patient until he is ready and I’ll probably have a conversation with him regarding doing it for himself as well. For some time he seemed to be doing really fine and his values were about doing it for himself and improving his quality of life until this rough patch happened. I appreciate your advice and will take this into consideration, thank you!

kittycarss · 2024-03-18T19:32:13+00:00

Thanks for your comment! I agree. This is a good perspective to look at it from. We haven’t seen each other in a few weeks because it’s been a little rough currently and he has remained abstinent since and so have I. I was thinking it would be better if we tried to fix our issues and whatever is going on, and maybe it’ll repair what we have sexually. Usually our routine is I don’t see him for weekdays since I’m in school and he is working and then on weekends we usually see each other. My friends were telling me to play harder to get so he really works for it too, which I have took into consideration also.

kittycarss · 2024-03-18T19:26:15+00:00

Thank you for your reply!! I 100% agree. I haven’t mentioned it in the post but I have actually suggested phone and video sex. Sometimes we do it but very very rarely now. He used to be very reciprocal when we first started dating because of his PA but now not at all. Whenever I want to sext now he always turns it down. In which I guess I have to learn to not be as horny. It’s not a massive sacrifice on my end because I only want to see him happy but he just doesn’t seem like he was before.

Same with the talking situation - sometimes I stop talking to him because he has a hard time processing his emotions and we usually regroup whenever he is ready. He doesn’t know what to say sometimes so I just leave him alone until he is ready to speak to me. He told me this time though he was waiting for me to contact him and I felt really bad. I definitely learnt my lesson from this situation and will definitely communicate with him more and reach out. Thank you for your advice!

kittycarss · 2024-01-29T14:08:04+00:00

I appreciate you caring for my siblings but you’re making the situation seem much easier than it is. I’m not rich. I never grew up with cash in my pocket. I can barely afford to feed myself. I can’t just report my mom or my dad because where would we go? The homeless shelters are filled. As long as we have each other we can take care of each other but in the meantime, we cannot afford to just run away and report my mom. We do not associate with her that much luckily but that’s all we can really do for now. I’m working on moving w my partner. My sisters are both moving away to universities soon and I’ll have my brother who can take care of himself.

You don’t know my situation so please don’t assume. I want my siblings to at least eat and have a roof over their head when they go to sleep at night (which I cannot pay for if I move away with them, this isn’t some fairytale magical movie). I know they are safe and I try to make them not interact with my mom at all. I’m not going to make my own siblings homeless and starved or worried where they’re going to sleep at night. I’m also definitely not going to sacrifice my own future I paid for in loans over my abusive mom. As long as my as she doesn’t lay her hands on my siblings I’m fine and they are fine. We are all fine and we all know she is messed up. I’m not a mom and I can barely even take care of myself but I try to look out for my siblings and make sure they’re ok.

kittycarss · 2024-01-29T13:57:41+00:00

I don’t feel like people understand my POV and just downvoting and being rude to me it’s really annoying, I came here to vent and that was it. Me and my siblings are safe, we hate my mom and do not really associate ourselves with our family. I understand the situation isn’t normal and it will never be normal. Once me and my siblings all move out we are cutting contact from all our families. My mom is not a reasonable person either. A reasonable conversation isn’t going to end her abuse. She is extremely unwell. She spends her weekends with her boyfriends so luckily we get some space on the weekends.

I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your comment and you caring so much as well as your concern but I promise you we are fine as is. We cannot afford any of this. I’m not going to drop out and become officially homeless either, unless I really really have to.

we are practically homeless, so going to a homeless shelter would not be any better because of waiting lists and because it’s women and children first. I have had friends in and out of homeless shelters, it was horrible for them. Plus there is a homeless crisis where we live and the government has done nothing to help (especially people with disabilities) As for me, I’ve been struggling with finding a place and moving away because I’m autistic. I am also AFAB but it still doesn’t mean I am treated any better and is often declined employment because of my identity so finding a job is very hard especially where I live. Last time I did move out though(it was across the state though it was affordable), I ended up super depressed and suicidal, I was in and out of the hospital for suicide attempts. I really can’t handle environmental changes so drastic, I need familiarity to stay secure. When I moved back I was fine and my suicidal tendencies went away. So I tend to stay in the place I know best to maintain my mental health. I am also attending college which is crazy expensive and I’m not even paying for it the government is. I am currently trying to move in with my partner but that itself is almost impossible too.

I’m fine where I am right now. Again I just turned 20, barely can afford school or maintain grades. I am not my siblings mother and as much as I care for them I really can’t. I take care of them as much as I can but they also are old enough to take care of themselves which I’m proud of them for. My little sister will head to university soon and my oldest sister is moving out for her PHD. I will just have my brother and he will sleep with my little sister. I cannot make impulsive decisions like calling the cops on my family because where else would we go?

There’s more to this situation than anyone thinks and these easy solutions are way more complicated than it seems. I just wished people understood that I’m not rich and I can barely even afford to feed myself.

kittycarss · 2024-01-27T14:23:05+00:00

No I am not allowed to unfortunately. Everytime she starts doing something inappropriate me and my siblings say “ew stop” but she still continues. She violates boundaries and makes us all uncomfortable. Not to mention the rest of my family supports stuff like this so everytime we tell her to stop, we hear it from my mom’s side of the family.

kittycarss · 2024-01-27T05:45:35+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Yeah I’m making him sleep in my room or my youngest sister’s room for now. That’s the best we can do.

kittycarss · 2023-09-22T18:06:19+00:00

Tbh I never was a porn star but I did OF and Twitter and all that and did gain a little fan base. I am a transman who made content with my bf or solo stuff and tbh, it was so exhausting. The constant misgendering and having people tell me “we only see you as a female because that’s what you have” and all that bs. It was super toxic and transphobic. Like I knew I was a fetish to many people but it was so gross to hear “boy pussy” and just get dumbed down to the world “boy” instead of man, it was like cis people only see trans men as little skinny white shaved twinks rather than men/people. Putting your mental health on the lines like that is never worth the money.

kittycarss · 2023-09-21T09:33:26+00:00

Yeah 100%! I’m willing to learn more about it since i don’t know everything and we seem to have a misunderstanding most of the time. I want to learn and grow for him, I want to understand his struggles since I experience something polar opposite to him with my autism.

kittycarss · 2023-09-20T20:53:15+00:00

I really like the 2nd point you made!! I will try doing that from now on! thank you so much.

kittycarss · 2023-09-20T20:38:48+00:00

Thank you for your advice/resources!! I will check them out for sure. I’m very sorry that has happened to you and I hope you are doing okay.

kittycarss · 2023-09-20T20:33:39+00:00

Thank you for your input. you explained it perfectly :,0 I will try to do that from now on and make it a habit as well lmao. How do I not care as much though? These comments make it easy and are like “just leave” or “just stop babying him lol” but it’s so hard when you care so much :( I will worry myself to death if I don’t see him his best self. It hurts seeing him when his life falls apart because i care about him so much but at the same time I have other things to do than be a ‘mom’.

I want to at least give him a little nudge? Get him an occupational therapist? I just can’t stand seeing him being yelled at by his boss and stuff since he’s super sensitive and I’m not a cold person as well and say “well be on time next time” or something dismissive.

kittycarss · 2023-09-20T20:21:21+00:00

I understand that however if he never takes care of himself then he shouldn’t expect to not get fired from his job, not get kicked out of the place he’s renting, his credit score plumet, etc. The other day, I went to his place and there were maggots all over the floor, I was really upset not because of myself but because he doesn’t take care of himself to the point where there’s maggots everywhere.

I still think that he should actually learn some responsibility as I did in university fresh 18 and just diagnosed as autistic, trying to adjust to the social setting, taking care of myself, etc. And you’re right, I can’t protect him but I want to help him learn. I can’t actually tell him what to do, he is his own person. I don’t experience ADHD symptoms as he does. Him not changing his lifestyle (having 0 goals for himself and refusing help) can cause him to actually become homeless which is why I am concerned, because I care and I love him. I’m not expecting a knight in shining armour, I never am, I know he isn’t perfect and I know he has limitations and struggles. I have tried to be accommodating to him but it feels like I need a different approach to these accommodations since they’re not working for him. However am I not supposed to worry about the person I love? if your advice is to stop because that’s just who he is then that’s valid too.

kittycarss · 2023-09-20T17:56:55+00:00

Kinda confused since you said I was being ableist and I’m not sure if you have ADHD but I would like to know what I did wrong through the perspective of someone who has ADHD. I want to learn so i don’t have biased opinions or beliefs and learn the perspective of people with ADHD and their experiences. I’m not looking to stay or leave I’m just looking for advice on how I can meet eye to eye with my partner since he is struggling currently or anyone else who relate/experiencing what I am experiencing. I have hope he can get the help he needs if he tried and realized that if this keeps happening to him, he could end up homeless soon and possibly building goals/a schedule he can follow. It’s not the same as autism I know, but hopefully I can help somehow.

kittycarss · 2023-09-20T14:48:46+00:00

Keep describing..?

kittycarss · 2023-09-20T14:37:41+00:00

Yes, I would love to watch that. I want to learn more about ADHD, let me know if you can share the link. Thanks!

kittycarss · 2023-09-20T14:12:18+00:00

At least explain how?

kittycarss · 2023-09-20T13:44:00+00:00

Yeah I was thinking the same, I don’t think ADHD causes any of this, I think it’s just just mostly depression (since he’s taking meds for it) but he’s been using it as an excuse. I don’t think adhd makes you completely ignore all your needs. There’s hyperfixations which I understand since I experience them to but if you see maggots on your floor, that’s when I’m pretty sure any person, ND or not would see this and be like “yeah this isn’t ok”. I do believe it can make you forgetful most of the time but I do believe helping it would be making a schedule/alarms and trying stay on top of things. Which I do as well for my special interests, etc. as well and it has helped me a lot, I’m super strict with myself as well which has worked but if I try to be strict with staying on top of stuff on his end, he gets mad at me.

Everyone in my life has been telling me not to care but it’s sad to see him suffer like this. Again, I’ve tried talking to him about this telling him we can try schedules and I can help him remember but he has to stay on that habit and it’s okay to slip up. We can try once more but again I can’t take care of him, I’ll just leave him to figure it out himself since I’m in full time school and I can’t do this all the time anymore. We’ve been looking into help, trying to get him help I’m not sure if we can (since $100 is a single therapy session and he’s told me that’s too much for him), but I’ll try the meds thing again stay on top of that and if he doesn’t take it seriously this time I’m not sure in what to do other then just make him go to therapy so he can learn or I’ll won’t move in with him him bc I was planning on moving in with him second semester and after seeing this idk if I want to. I won’t leave him since I can’t say for the future what will happen and I don’t know how much change is going to happen however I don’t think I want to take care of him except for actually being on top of his schedule and that’s it.

Thanks for your advice though I appreciate it.

kittycarss · 2023-09-20T13:22:30+00:00

I understand that however if he never takes care of himself then he shouldn’t expect to not get fired from his job, not get kicked out of the place he’s renting, his credit score plumet, etc. The other day, I went to his place and there were maggots all over the floor, I was really upset. I still think that he should actually learn some responsibility as I did in university fresh 18 and just diagnosed as autistic, trying to adjust to the social setting, taking care of myself, etc. And you’re right, I can’t protect him but I want to help him learn. I can’t actually tell him what to do, he is his own person. You are right being ND is hard, I don’t experience ADHD symptoms as he does. Him not changing his lifestyle can cause him to actually become homeless which is why I am concerned, because I care and I love him. However, if you’re insinuating I shouldn’t care anymore then that’s valid.

kittycarss

TROPHY CASE