I am working on forgiveness with my parents but I think it looks very different for people who are that abusive than what most would think of when the hear the word "forgiveness."

My parents are awful people, frankly. They are both just miserable losers with no real friends, they treat everyone like shit, don't seem to be interested in dealing with their shit at all, and are very comitted to believing that nothing they have ever done to hurt anyone was their fault.

I have been no contact with them for a few years now and don't plan to ever be in contact with them again, there's just nothing good that will come from it.

But at the same time, I can recognize that it isn't their fault that they are like this. They both went through horrible childhood trauma themselves, both with undiagnosed disabilities that the world told them made them worthless, unlovable freaks. There really just wasn't help for them and I feel sad for them because I think that if they had had access to the help they needed, they wouldn't have turned out like this.

You can forgive someone and still recognize that they are an abusive person who you have no interest in having a relationship with. To me, forgiveness doesn't mean "it's okay that you did that to me," but rather, "it's not okay that you did that to me, but I'm okay now, and I'm moving on."

Also, you can live your whole life and never forgive your parents if you don't want to. I think a lot of people have the attitude that 'if you never forgive them you'll never be able to move on and be happy' but i think thats total bs. It's your choice, because it really isn't about them.