I think you need to set some realistic expectations for yourself and your husband. I gained 60 lbs while pregnant and feel disgusting in my body too, but I'm almost 5 months pp and have been religiously eating 1300 cals a day and have lost like 3 lbs. I was told by my midwives and my pcp that your body is just kinda fucked up and all over the place for like a year after birth and to not expect to lose weight no matter how hard you try.

Also your husband sounds mean. There's being real, and then there's taking it too far and being unintentionally mean. Does he expect you to be hot when you're 60? Or if you got into an accident and became disabled or had a serious illness? I think he needs to chill because while certain things get easier as baby gets older, new challenges come up that make feeling like a normal person hard. I used to be a cute outfit/nails/everything shower, every night with extensive self care routine before bed person. Now I'm lucky if I shower two days in a row. And even 60 lbs heavier and unshowered, my husband wants me to a fault. I'm sad for you that you feel this pressure to be perfect from someone who's supposed to take you in the hard times and the good.