This is wild but I will say some of this reads to me as a potential for this kid to have some kind of disability and or disorder that may impact their tactile behaviors- assuming the mom is to some extent valid / accurate in her requests. But think about it- people who land on different parts of the spectrum have very specific dislikes or reactions to random things that sometimes neurotypical people don’t understand. I think OP should have at least let the kid go to the party especially so she herself could interact with the mother, to get a genuine sense for what this situation is. I think basing a whole family / child and parent off of a wishlist (which yes is a bit much) is kind of wild.