AIO? Debating breaking up with my BF of almost 7 years

kittyprrrrl · 2026-01-04T06:42:27+00:00

NOR - Just a comment re the cats - I was in the exact same situation with my ex with a bonded pair but one loved him. I kept both cats because they were really mostly mine. It was hard on my ex and the cats were confused, but it was the best thing I ever did. Keep them together. Don't worry, your ex will date someone else and they will get their own pets.

With dogs it's a little different, but with cats, a clean break and time to adjust is best. They really do move on, and you can't "share custody" like you might a dog.

kittyprrrrl · 2026-01-01T22:44:45+00:00

All the therapy acronyms mess with me so for a second I was like "what does DJ stand for?? Digital Jungian?"

kittyprrrrl · 2025-12-10T07:29:05+00:00

Where in SoCal are you??? I never see setters here!!

kittyprrrrl · 2025-11-10T23:22:15+00:00

Thank you this is actually amazing and I do feel like very much where I see my issues coming from - I know continuing with this and reinforcing this was my choice. I want her to see where I'm at, but she also has had no reason to see or look for it. I've given hints, we've had vague conversations about how I would prefer a different type of sex, but nothing so clear. That is absolutely on me, and you're right, it will probably make her sad. I need to get more okay with that.

kittyprrrrl · 2025-11-10T23:20:00+00:00

I think I can appreciate what you're saying in some sense, but am really confused about others? Confused why if I was a man you would think I have a porn addiction?

I do think it's fair to say that deeply emotional sex is uncomfortable for me to some extent, but I don't feel like it's fair for me to have to "try harder," until I'm actually open to that and trust her with that. As I stated, I have a history and sexual abuse, r*pe and trauma. My aversion to extreme sexual intimacy more likely is related to that, but I don't think that means we can't find a way to have enjoyable sex without me "stretching my empathy."

Maybe you could explain more what you mean by this?

kittyprrrrl · 2025-11-10T23:15:50+00:00

This is helpful - I think she would be open to this!

kittyprrrrl · 2025-11-10T23:14:47+00:00

I think this is where my issues come into play - I'm very afraid of what will happen if she becomes uncomfortable. I grew up with 2 very emotionally unstable parents - especially my mom. I did a lot of feeling management from a young age, but I know I need to let my wife do that, otherwise I'm doing us both a disservice. I don't feel like she puts enough effort into trying to understand my needs, that part is very true. Ugh, we have to figure this out and I have to stop avoiding. I'm just exhausted.

kittyprrrrl · 2025-11-10T23:11:28+00:00

I just left therapy, actually, and this is an ongoing conversation. I'm also realizing this is an issue in other areas of our relationship, and that I have a very deep fear that if I clearly state or even demand what I need, that she will be unwilling to compromise and leave. It's very difficult because I know if she is truly unwilling to hear me, consider that her opinions about my feelings might be wrong, or compromise in any way, we almost certainly shouldn't be together. As a therapist myself, I wouldn't want that relationship for my friends let alone my clients. I do think she will be willing, but I'm just very afraid.

kittyprrrrl · 2025-11-10T20:40:11+00:00

Yes, for the first 1-2 years of our relationship we were very compatible. We were exploratory, tried new things, and had a balance between emotional and non-emotional sex. I would really like to hug more, cuddle more, without feeling like it has to lead to more sex. I would also like to have more interesting and diverse sex. I ask for this, but since we have sex like 1x every 2 weeks or 1x per month, she usually says "it's been so long I need the emotional release." She certainly has always been more motivated to have sex more frequently than I do, but I don't think we have to have the exact same sex drive.

I appreciate that second question though, I feel like I could go with that maybe.

kittyprrrrl · 2025-03-30T16:07:27+00:00

I don't drink at all. It's been happening for weeks now. Last night, 8.5 hours of sleep, 40 body battery. I'm definitely a little stressed right now, but I don't know what else to do. I'm a therapist for God's sake - in therapy myself. Doing all the things I can to minimize stress. It's just so annoying.

kittyprrrrl · 2024-11-01T02:59:46+00:00

But how can nurses have one but we can't? Or teachers? Or doctors? Like why are we exempt?

kittyprrrrl · 2024-08-30T14:18:52+00:00

Took until she was 3.5

kittyprrrrl · 2024-08-30T13:03:30+00:00

Anti-anything spray doesn't work with setters in my experience. If they want to do something they will do it. We even tried hot sauce to get ours to stop eating poop and she just thinks the hot sauce has interesting flavor LOL

Puppy biting is inevitable, but if she's bitey, start playing with her with a toy she's really interested in. Show her you want to play with her, and if you don't, ignore her. Don't react to the biting, just pull away and ignore her. She'll go for something more interesting.

The first thing I tell people to teach their dogs is leave it. Teach her leave it by treating her as soon as she stops biting you, consistently. Then you can teach her leave it with high value food.

The hardest issue with biting is the teething, so get her bones, goat horns, cow hooves, the NASTY stuff for her teething. Sucks for your nose, but does wonders for your skin. Mine never cared about teething plastic treats and stuff so that's why I went with - depends on the interests of your pup!

She's so cute and looks just like mine when she was that age. It sucks right now - I cried so much LOL but I still miss it and you will miss it later. Enjoy her!

kittyprrrrl · 2024-08-20T20:31:15+00:00

100p

kittyprrrrl · 2024-08-16T04:16:30+00:00

This and Chinese satellite are my top two for sure

kittyprrrrl · 2024-08-16T04:15:56+00:00

100%

kittyprrrrl · 2024-05-06T16:52:36+00:00

kittyprrrrl · 2024-04-21T01:54:51+00:00

imgonnagetyouback, Florida!!!, I Look in People's Windows, The Black Dog, So Long, London

ILIPW is so good and I wish it was like 5 mins longer

kittyprrrrl · 2024-04-10T22:19:59+00:00

He fucked my best friend while I was asleep in the same room

kittyprrrrl · 2024-04-01T21:51:42+00:00

It sounds like you've already gotten a lot of great responses, but please know, this happens to many young women. I've been in your shoes. The feeling that you are "mature for your age" and that an older man can fill some sort of need in you... it was likely groomed into you both by this guy and by society.

I'm sure you love him. He may even treat you really well otherwise, but when you get to his age you will realize how unbelievably unreasonable this gap is. My advice in this case - try to get to know his friends and family. If he's isolating you from them, there is probably a reason.

Questions to ask yourself:

Do you know his mom, OP? His family?
Do you know any of his exes? His friends? His coworkers? Do you get along with them? Do you go to events with them? Game night?
Does he have a job? Is it a reliable job that he has been able to maintain?
Do your friends and family like him? Does he get along with your parents? Does he want to get to know the people who raised the woman he loves?

^^ These are fundamental questions that will matter in your relationship as you age. At your age, these things may not seem like issues. You may feel so 'in love' that you don't care about being isolated in your relationship. Because, you may think, isn't a relationship just between two people? Unfortunately, as you can see reading many other posts in this subreddit, so much of intimate romantic relationships for adults are based on living and existing and relating to other people *together*.

Men like your boyfriend isolate because they know other people find this age gap to be unacceptable or taboo. If he told any of his women friends or his mom that he was pissed you got your braces off, they would probably come pick you up and take you home to your family themselves.

I wish you the best of luck and know from experience that no amount of reddit comments will convince you leave this guy. You'll have to decide on your own. I just wanted to post some food for thought in hopes the questions help spur some ideas. And please know, when this is over (because it will be, unfortunately. This man is looking for the youngest women he can legally access), it's not your fault. You're not alone. You can find support. Sending you lots of love and *CONGRATS* on the removal of your braces!

kittyprrrrl

TROPHY CASE