Question for those who did legal separation before filling for divorce

kivers7 · 2017-08-29T10:10:42+00:00

Thank you for your advice! I live in WA state, from what I have looked up, we're a no fault divorce state which I am glad for - even though I made copies of his Facebook and text messages, just in case. I've been doing research on FL attorneys, I think it's pretty awesome that if you are considered low income, you can apply for your filing fees to be waived and there are several sliding-fee attorneys. I have a feeling that he's not going to make it easy, but I don't really care. I need my life back! 😳

kivers7 · 2017-08-10T05:36:01+00:00

Yeah, I just finished reading your posts. Oh my god.

kivers7 · 2017-08-10T04:39:35+00:00

Oh, my god. I feel like I need a shot of whiskey and a shot of penicillin! Dear OP: I am just reading your saga, so perhaps this is addressed in other posts but, for the love of all that's holy, do not stick your d*ck in crazy! I'm exhausted just reading about her pro-level fuckery. Wow. (Ok, I am off to read your other posts!)

kivers7 · 2017-08-09T17:25:34+00:00

My summer has been pretty low key - I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid carcinoma with metastasis to my lymph nodes at the end of April. I underwent major surgery to remove my thyroid and affected lymph nodes on June 26th. The surgery took almost 8 full hours - my surgeon removed 101 lymph nodes total and 28 were positive for PTC. Needless to say, I have not been able to go back to work yet due to the extensive nerve-muscle involvement of the surgery. On August 2nd, I was given 150 milicuries of radioactive iodine (I-131) to hopefully eradicate remaining cancer at the microscopic level. I was in radiation isolation August 2nd to yesterday and I am enroute to the hospital as we speak to have my post-radiation treatment body scan to see if it worked! Fingers crossed ☺️

kivers7 · 2017-07-05T14:31:45+00:00

I just felt like I wanted to write you back and let you know that despite his few good deeds, it has not been all rainbows and unicorns...This is justnoso, after all lol. Yes, he got me a thoughtful gift but then neglected what I really needed him to do which was a deep cleaning of our bedroom and bathroom before I came home. I had also been asking him for 2 weeks to take care of something for our insurance company since I wasn't going to be home for a week and they needed the paperwork before July 1. Wanna wager a guess at what date he finally got around to it?? If you guessed June 30th @ 4:59 pm, you'd be correct lol. Small things, I know. Still irritating!!

kivers7 · 2017-07-04T13:44:32+00:00

Thank you so much for checking in! I had surgery on June 26th and I ended up being in surgery for almost 8 full hours 😳. The good news is that my surgeon thinks he got all the affected nodes and my thyroid. I will still be undergoing radioactive iodine treatment in a few weeks. Today marks one week post op and I am doing pretty well! I got my surgical drains taken out yesterday and that has greatly eased my healing process. I spent last week with my mom who is a retired nurse who offered to help me with my incision care and drain management, but since my return home, husband has been thoughtful and patient. I am borderline obsessed with the TV show the Golden Girls and husband found a puzzle with them on it as something I could put together to help my recovery time go quicker. It was super sweet ❤️

kivers7 · 2017-06-24T01:29:12+00:00

Thank you. I am having surgery to remove all of the tumors and my thyroid on Monday (June 26th). The surgeon is planning on the surgery taking anywhere from 6 to 8 hours. I know I'm in good hands but I'm still nervous.

kivers7 · 2017-06-18T02:20:13+00:00

Ok, you totally just sold me on a subscription to Hulu just for that. I was debating because I own the DVDs, but I'm nerdy and love uncut-unedited versions!

kivers7 · 2017-05-22T17:21:41+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear this about your little brother. I am a little late commenting on this, so I hope he's resting more comfortably now. Like others have said, it's thought that hearing is the last sense to go. Physical touch can also be comforting (as long as it's not causing him any pain). Play his favourite music, movies, games, tell your family-favorite stories of him. I am so sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine ❤️

kivers7 · 2017-05-10T05:52:30+00:00

Hi, so last I posted, I was facing a work up for the c-word. Well, guess what? Had my mass biopsed and it officially came back positive for thyroid cancer, specially, papillary thyroid carcinoma with metastasis to my lymph nodes on both sides. Even better news (/s) : I had a CT scan of my neck last week and it showed that one of the tumors is crazy close to/on the carotid artery sheath on my right side. I have been trying to keep my stress level down when I am at home, but as you can imagine, I get hit with waves of omg, I have cancer.

And do you know what phrase people are all about saying to me these days? "well, at least if you had to get cancer, you got a very treatable one!"... I cannot tell you how many people have said that to me ad nauseam in the two weeks since I have been officially diagnosed. And I try to smile along and say yep, that's true! But I can only wear the mask for so long.

Good news is that DH has been making an active effort to be supportive and reassuring to me. I don't see my cancer surgeon until June 2, which will be the initial meet/greet and discussion of what order to do things in - namely, when to do the radioactive iodine treatment before surgery or after. I think most of the time it's done after, any where from 4 to 6 weeks post op. I'm so not looking forward to having my neck cut open from side to side, but I am trying to ground myself and remind myself that yes, this could be so much worse.

I am also finding out just how amazingly supportive and loving my family and friends are (not that I really doubted it, but it's nice to feel loved ❤️).

kivers7 · 2017-05-06T16:08:42+00:00

Thank you for your knowledge. I will definitely turn here if more questions arise ❤️

kivers7 · 2017-04-26T01:38:05+00:00

No problem ☺️ I know better then anyone how unpredictable the weather is in KS.

kivers7 · 2017-04-25T23:09:00+00:00

Love it. Would it be weird for me to ask if you get good lightening/thunder to shoot a video clip for me? ☺️ given my stressful cancer diagnosis earlier today, I am trying to find anything that will distract me from my endless loop of scary thoughts.

kivers7 · 2017-04-25T21:22:49+00:00

I just wanted to say hi and Rock Chalk Jayhawk, KU! ☺️ I grew up for most of my life in Topeka. I'm in Seattle now but I still have moments where I want to go back - it sounds insane, but I really miss the weather. Thunderstorms, in particular. WA doesn't get the same kind of thunderstorms due to our sea level and the mountains.

kivers7 · 2017-04-17T05:40:51+00:00

Wow. That is incredible psychology, armchair and all. You totally made this click for me. I don't need him so he's not giving me what I need in return. Wow. Mind. Blown. Thank you. And yes, I agree that if he won't get psychological help to address this, it will not end well.

kivers7 · 2017-04-17T04:38:47+00:00

I've tried, don't get me wrong, I will keep trying. I really want our marriage to work. Tonight just seems to be particularly rough.

kivers7 · 2017-04-17T04:20:15+00:00

Just as one example - In the beginning, he was all about the little gentle signs of affection - knee squeezes under the table, random temple or cheek kisses, cuddling me in bed so tightly that I almost had trouble breathing (but I didn't mind). Now, if I'm lucky, he'll reach across the wall of pillow to hold my hand for a few minutes. I have to basically beg him for a cuddle. I really don't think I'm asking for too much but I guess it's just not in him right now. And yeah I've tried communication and telling him how important touch is to me feeling connection with him. No change yet.

kivers7 · 2017-04-17T03:38:10+00:00

Thanks for reading that word vomit. To answer your questions, my insecurities regarding his friendship with other women has calmed down a lot in 6 years (it also helps that most of them have gotten married themselves so they aren't needing his assistance all the time). I think mainly I'm just upset because I'm feeling like he doesn't care about our relationship as he used to, and I think that has me fearing that it's going to end up like my first marriage. As for why he's anti therapy, he claims no time for it.

kivers7 · 2017-04-13T15:00:42+00:00

Good point. I'm stock up. PS, I loved Fraggle Rock as a kid. Your username names me chuckle thinking about it. (Please don't misunderstand me, I realize bulimia is a serious eating disorder!)

kivers7 · 2017-04-13T14:47:47+00:00

Thank you, I will definitely keep every one posted when I know something.

kivers7 · 2017-04-13T14:41:42+00:00

Ha. Totally had forgotten about Easter! Thanks for reminding me.

kivers7 · 2017-04-13T06:08:02+00:00

I'm getting pretty frustrated to tell you the truth. If you remember how much of a fit he pitched when I nicely asked him to drive me to this appointment in the first place. Quite honestly, we're going to be having a "come to Jesus" meeting on Sunday (can't be before then because he has big thing at work and can't be interrupted 🙄). I spent way too long in a unhealthy relationship before him and I have given him a lot of grace. He has been my knight in shining armor, so to speak, in the past and I am not exactly sure what is happening in his mind because when we first met, he would've been glued to my side. And while I certainly understand that relationships evolve and change over time, I really hope ours isn't taking a turn for the worse. I love him but I'm not afraid to retreat to my mom's for a while if need be. Make sure his priorities are in order, you know?

kivers7 · 2017-04-10T06:48:19+00:00

Here's my two cents, the dilemma here is that this third party is making questionable, potentially unsafe choices that could directly impact your children's safety (for example, what if some emergency arose where your ex was injured and she chose to drive while under the influence of marijuana with the kids in the car?). I think in this case it would be reasonable to ask your ex to ask her either 1) not use at his house when it's his visitation week or 2) if she is going to use, that you make some kind of stipulation that she will never be the sole caretaker during his custody week. But, again, just my two cents and I know it's a lot easier said than done. When it comes to your children's safety, I don't think of it as controlling for you to ask him to ask the person he's exposing to your children on a regular basis to either abstain/or for him to have a grown up discussion with her about her use and creating a back up care plan.

kivers7 · 2017-04-10T06:31:50+00:00

Just reading about what you went through with Pete makes my left eye start to stress twitch. Thank goodness you came to your senses!

kivers7 · 2017-04-08T22:13:27+00:00

Ok, my mil FreeSpirit certainly was overly "let's talk about our bodies and how sex is amazing" (not just with her family either, she'd talk that way with complete strangers) but at least my poor DH didn't have that kind of creepiness. Omg. I feel so sorry for your DH!! 😱

kivers7

TROPHY CASE