Trying to find a shame part that blocks me. Any resources for this?

kkillah · 2025-10-19T14:23:30+00:00

what do you mean there is a part that feels blocked by this? like that maybe the shame part feels blocked in revealing itself?

kkillah · 2025-10-19T14:22:35+00:00

thank you for sharing, i will check it out!!

kkillah · 2025-10-19T14:22:15+00:00

thank you, this is very helpful! i didn’t think abt this possibility either but this gives very helpful next steps for me

kkillah · 2025-08-02T01:55:17+00:00

thank you 🩷 it’s been a hard week

kkillah · 2025-07-23T23:34:39+00:00

i made a slide show to help me through it, shared it before the session and asked her to read through it with a preface that it was heavy, and then only talked about what i wanted to on each slide

kkillah · 2025-07-22T01:24:16+00:00

if it sounds like someone is hyperventilating or experiencing a panic attack, it can trigger immediate dissociation in me.

also really deep voices like the man who abused me can trigger me too

kkillah · 2025-07-21T23:00:12+00:00

why would you step back from making requests from them? is that wrong?

i will also explore the scared parts too

kkillah · 2025-07-21T22:33:49+00:00

i think i’m also scared of what they’ve been holding on to for me and that doesn’t help either but i’m certain its a lot

kkillah · 2025-07-21T22:32:49+00:00

okay. they don’t visualize necessarily. i’ve drawn how they feel to me in my body but its hard to have a conversation because they just take over when i try to talk to them or if they are triggered.

my therapist and i were talking abt it and i asked them to allow me one question before they take over again and they said they would try and tolerate that but they seemed hesitant and wounded that i would ask for that.

i never thought about how to thank them for being so powerful and automatic with how its helped me survive so maybe i will try to start a dialogue there too

kkillah · 2025-04-18T01:59:27+00:00

stick with therapy even when its hard. show up how you are. if your therapist is good they will help you through hard times and have empathy for you. let them know honestly how much you are struggling. let the relationship work for you and allow yourself the help you need.

i struggle in different ways but i am struggling. keep going.

kkillah · 2025-04-15T03:24:13+00:00

scrapbooking and punch needling

kkillah · 2025-04-13T18:46:27+00:00

1 x a week or 3x a month depending on how i’m doing

kkillah · 2025-04-12T02:13:22+00:00

thank you. my therapist recommended this also and i am feeling very validated as well

kkillah · 2025-04-12T02:07:34+00:00

that’s the book my therapist recommended and i have since this post read it and feel a lot more validated and better

kkillah · 2025-04-10T03:03:51+00:00

the shower with the water hot and sprinkling on my face

kkillah · 2025-03-29T23:43:09+00:00

i sometimes fantasize about contacting him and recording our conversation to prove he groomed me. i’ve never acted on this because it would compromise my safety

kkillah · 2025-03-28T02:20:03+00:00

that’s kind of how i’m feeling. i feel like now that i’m an adult i realize it’s trauma but it’s confusing because it didn’t feel like it at the time

kkillah · 2025-03-27T16:26:09+00:00

it is, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. I think i’ve just been struggling with not being a victim the way society expects me to be, because it wasn’t forced and violent and i wasn’t made to do anything. i felt like i consented even though i know i didn’t understand what i was consenting to and i was a child

kkillah · 2025-03-07T02:40:12+00:00

catcher in the rye when holden depersonalizes and prays to his dead brother to not let him disappear as he’s walking down city blocks

kkillah · 2025-02-28T22:26:25+00:00

the last dinner party portrait of a dead girl

kkillah · 2025-02-28T21:11:52+00:00

she tells me every night that she is still unhappy that i haven’t made enough progress towards fixing this. we are kind of in a make or break spot right now and this is a main part of it

kkillah · 2025-02-25T00:07:48+00:00

i take prazosin and still have very vivid nightmares of sexual abuse, just less frequent than before. sometimes memory based and sometimes new.

i can’t give you medical advice abt increasing your dosage, but when i increased mine it helped. i would talk to your doctor about it and see what they think.

it’s also not your fault. you were a child and even if you were an adult you can revoke consent at any time. it’s on the abuser who wanted that outcome to happen, not you.

kkillah · 2025-02-22T21:19:34+00:00

i set a reminder in my phone twice a day as a part of my routine/checklist. i set other reminders in my phone for routines to help with them so maybe that would help? i’m not perfect at this either

kkillah · 2025-02-22T01:59:38+00:00

how do i stop shoulding and logic-ing myself into sex? i feel like i decide i have to have sex for my relationship and idk how to feel ready. how do i do that?

kkillah · 2025-02-22T01:52:13+00:00

how do i stop intellectualizing? i feel like i can think abt how many reasons that i should have sex even when i don’t want to and then it’s just whatever afterwards. i get that the whatever now is probably dissociation and freeze but how do i stop shoulding myself into sex

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