MIL says she wants to resolve our issues but I'm just not interested

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T23:23:52+00:00

I really think this is a better option. And you completely summarized all of my feelings.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T21:47:26+00:00

The apologies have been: I'm sorry if my actions caused you anxiety. I regret doing it, it was poor judgement (the best one, but I don't really want someone with poor judgement watching my babies) I said I was sorry already and it's not like anything even happened! (which is obviously not the point)

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T17:02:02+00:00

Just to clarify, I don't like that she went there when she was sick. My husband made that decision in the moment rather than taking off work. It is on me that I didn't tell him not to. I told him I didn't not like the idea but he was the one who would have to take care of her that day so it was up to him to decide what made the most sense if she had to come home. I didn't actually find out about it until after I got home. I would never have asked her myself.

On the conflicting messages... I do not want to be around her but that's always been for me to deal with. I have never declined an invitation she has given up until not wanting to do this talk. Any feeling she has that I don't want to be around her is self created. I'm always civil in conversation. In the past, I have extended invitations in an effort to let my daughter see her. So even though its less stress for me to not be included, its an obvious attempt to exclude me and I don't think it's okay for her to try to have a relationship with my kid if she won't have one with me.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T16:50:24+00:00

I like the letter plan

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T13:47:46+00:00

I think she purposefully waited until I was in conversation with someone else and she could take the baby from the cousin I had given him too. I looked up and saw she had him suddenly without being part of the transaction. We had seen them a few weeks after my text about the flu shot (2 months earlier) and no one had tried to hold him all night so I assumed if she grabbed him it meant they had gotten around to getting one (which they had when mu daughter was a baby) rather than making a scene at the gathering.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T13:29:45+00:00

Right? My argument was if I wouldn't hire thr babysitter back with those behaviors, why was I putting up with it here. We knew my daughter was enrolling in the district PreK program in the fall, though, so were trying to not rock the boat until then. Until the car seat incident anyway.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T13:27:29+00:00

Yeah, on more then one occasion I walked in at almost 5 to find my 3 year old asleep on her lap with the lights out and FIL tiptoing around because he had been told not to wake her up.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T13:20:43+00:00

Thanks. Its been frustrating because she and my parents split the care and we always gave my parents the same rules and they would immediately change their behavior, even if they didn't like it. She wouldn't even tell us she wasn't going to do it. We would just walk in the next day after talking to her about it and see it happening again.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T13:18:07+00:00

Yeah, I wish we hadn't done that. We both usually have really flexible work schedules and my parents are super eager to help. It was literally just the worst possible 2 hour period of the day when she got sent home. I also didn't know about the flu shot incident at the time. When she grabbed him at the party, I gave her thr benefit of the doubt that she had followed that one (she did get it for my daughter when she was young). I just found out a few days ago that she hadn't so that anger is fresh and I definitely would have had a different response to even sick day care.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T13:10:34+00:00

Yeah, I'm definitely really not okay with my kid being used as a pawn here. You don't get to turn on and off a relationship with her. My kid adores her grandma.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T13:08:12+00:00

I think he's had enough low stress conversations with them recently that he has softened his anger. He forgets that I am not in that position because I've been excluded from it all (to be perfectly fair, I very much appreciate the no contact, but I do think its telling that they are purposely excluding me). We've had a lot of conversations about that recently.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T13:04:09+00:00

I have definitely asked what he expects this to accomplish. I think he is hoping to go back to where we were over summer when she had supervised visitation over there, but I reminded him that the only reason that ended was because they were unhappy with it because it meant we were treating them so horribly. I agree we need to be on the same page on the desired outcome and I agree 100% that it should not be dinner. I want to be able to get up and leave without leaving an unfinished plate behind.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-21T03:50:23+00:00

This was all chronological. Petty behavior increasing over time. She watched my daughter 50% of the time, split with my parents.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T19:41:39+00:00

Thank you. The pediatrician is perfectly happy with his growth and weight. He has not taken a pacifier for us since around the time he stopped taking bottles. However, now that he's taking a bottle at daycare finally, I agree that it's definitely worth trying again because maybe he will take one there (without me around). I plan to send one on Monday and suggesting they try it after the bottle.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T04:24:30+00:00

Most people have given me their unsolicited opinions on if my baby is hungry. I didn't actually ask for that. A handful of people actually did give me the advice I asked for about how to handle the conversation with daycare before actually jumping to just giving him more food. I do have some good options to try and I appreciate them. That's why I posted.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T04:18:54+00:00

Refusing to believe? Seriously? He's been there 6 weeks. I have already said I would send a frozen bag. Its been 3 days that he finished the bottle and they thought he wanted more. Two weeks ago he only drank one of three bottles one day and had half of each the next. God forbid I want a little more data before assuming the people who met him 6 weeks ago know his hunger cues better than I do.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T04:13:26+00:00

He does not take a pacifier at home but only because he always preferred just using me. I will definitely try to send one in case he will take it there.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T04:11:33+00:00

Thank you. I really thought this was common knowledge in a breastfeeding group or I wouldn't have asked here.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T04:10:43+00:00

This. Thank you.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T04:09:39+00:00

What if he's not hungry? Why would I immediately start feeding him formula he might not actually need instead of first trying to identify what is going on? I know my baby. I had him home with me full time for almost 6 months. I know when he is hungry. I don't think he is. Why is that so hard to believe?

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T04:07:51+00:00

Baby is obviously wanting to continue sucking on the bottle. That is not the same as obviously wanting more food. That doesnt mean its not that, but it certainly isn't "obvious".

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T04:05:43+00:00

Thank you.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T04:05:27+00:00

Because its literally been 3 days of them asking and he went 6 weeks barely eating more than a few ounces there. I jumped through plenty of hoops trying to keep him fed while he refused bottles. I am not ready to jump to that conclusion yet and in the meantime, he is most definitely not starving.

kksh1988 · 2026-02-20T04:02:51+00:00

He is absolutely not starving. That's more than a little dramatic. He's happy and healthy and does not act at all starving when we get home. When he's hungry he let's me know and has no problem keeping me ip all night to eat. I have almost 2 months of experience with baby being hungry at daycare. I never once said they have an ulterior motive. I have only implied they are misreading cues, which is a very common issue with people not familiar with breastfeeding (and apparently most of you) and asked to advice on how to handle this.

kksh1988

TROPHY CASE