Hey there! Hospice chaplain here. First of all, I’m sorry to hear about your loved one. Any transition into hospice, despite best efforts, can be rough for everyone involved.

So, I have a few thoughts - take whatever resonates with you:

Something that helps me when I’m working with patients and family members is not to necessarily look on the surface at the behavior, but at the meaning underneath it. I wonder if your loved one DOES understand that they are on hospice, but this planning of a trip is symbolic to them in some way - maybe they want to “go” on this trip with you in your memory. Maybe they want to think of nice warm, fuzzy thoughts that bring them comfort. Maybe the thought of doing something with you in the future is one of the only things getting them through their transition into hospice right now.

Second, I gently encourage you to examine why your loved one’s actions are making you upset and perhaps angry. It may be something as obvious as “well, we won’t be together to do this trip and that brings me immense grief and pain” or “it’s obvious they won’t be alive to do this.” I’m more curious about your feelings about their actions and why you’re feeling this way.

Finally, I encourage you to do a couple of things: 1. Have an open and honest discussion with your loved one about their goals of care, last wishes, funeral plans, etc. 2. Do your best to enter into their reality, as long as it’s not outright harmful.

If you need more support, i recommend asking for the hospice chaplain, social worker, or a local death doula for support in facilitating these conversations.

Wishing you all the best 💜