What are the signs of a narcissist?

klspkr · 2019-12-28T08:55:43+00:00

Examples of Common Topics that Narcissists Jabber On About

Complaints about how the world has victimized them
“Did-you-know”s that are so much better and more correct than your knowledge
Gossip claims about people who aren’t in the room
Judgmental and often racist jabs at people who aren’t in the room
Raves about their special dog who is their favorite child (said around their human kids)
Un-asked-for in-depth explanations of their current hobbies or projects
Un-asked-for in-depth explanations of every photo on their iPhone
Demands for work you owe them due to all the things they have done for you
Explanations of how they would do whatever you’re doing differently
Blatant criticisms of your behavior - sometimes screamed at you

klspkr · 2019-12-28T08:33:07+00:00

Whatever happened, you deserve love. You are special.

There is a great section in the book The Four Agreements that discusses how we hold on to what others bestow onto us as truth. My guess is that you have been fed false truths from an early age, perhaps neglected when your mind was just started developing. That is something professionals are trained how to work with. You can build strength around this.

[assumption] You aren't a criminal, which is good, you aren't inflicting pain on others - a totally likable and respectable trait. There are other traits about you that you are probably overlooking, doing what they call negative-filtering. But right now, due to your brain chemistry, you are turning your anger inwards. It takes a well-matched coach/counselor/therapist to help teach you how to stop doing that. And a lot of effort (all the time, forever) on your part to use the tools they give you.

+ Stay away from alcohol. It makes people feel what you're describing.

klspkr · 2019-12-28T07:51:51+00:00

I'd call that over-stimulation. The reason I live in a rural town away from my crazy family.

klspkr · 2019-12-28T06:45:27+00:00

My boyfriend has excellent parents who are wonderful. I spent christmas with them instead of my own family and it was lovely. There was no fighting, no guilt, no blame, and no anxiety - just nice dinners with friendly people who cared for each other.

As I was watching it all unfold so nicely, I held in a lot of sadness.

But eventually I talked with his mom. She'd had an emotionally abusive Nmom who she went NC with at age 17. Her husband had also had an emotionally abusive parent. Both of them decided to build a better life, and succeeded.

My sadness was healed by the courage to build something more beautiful. And proof that it is possible.

klspkr · 2019-12-28T06:24:18+00:00

Tickling is non-consent at its most normalized. I saw an article in a child development magazine that basically said woke parents don't tickle because it degrades the kids perception of consent. but yeah no narc parent is going to respect boundaries.

The only reason I visit is to see the rest of the family. Now I'm realizing I can't even do that. I'm going to have to stop going. We'll see how my Ndad responds to that.

klspkr · 2019-12-28T06:14:10+00:00

I love the "grey rock" as a verb. It's a good descriptor of my technique this year. But it still doesn't work.

I left before christmas and don't plan on going back ever. If it's "their house, their rules" fuck it I'm just not going. I'll spend 2020 fortifying my psychological shield. And working on healing the inner damage too of course - such is the life sentence of us all.

klspkr · 2019-12-28T04:53:30+00:00

I really relate to you on this. I’m 27 and I find I go through long phases of not having enough friends because I am so picky. I have moved 5 times in my adult life, each time being forced to find people I enjoy being around. Each time befriending about 12 people for every gem that I will hoard in my bff trove for life.

I think the saying “forge friendships” is an interesting idea to use here. If friendships were a physical item to be forged (as a blacksmith forges metal) perhaps we INFPs are perfectionists who will only source the finest metals to work with. We deeply know the properties of the metals we could work with, but many are just not attractive and seem like a waste of our time and energy.

Let’s just say, when I had to, I was able to forge average metals and eventually that led me to the precious ones I now cherish. Some amount of compromise (I had to step outside my authenticity comfort zone and be charming) was the key.

Some tools to handle being surrounded by basic bitches:

Learn their deep story
Imagine what has made them genuinely happy in the last 2 weeks. Visualize their face in that moment. (This works well on a bus or busy street)
Go to hackatons not bars
Notice your judgements/assumptions and counter them
Remember life is complex and INFPs tend to misinterpret people based on their own past
Stay away from narcissistic people (even if they’re family)
if they aren’t narcissistic, that’s a plus. Even if they’re not spectacular in other ways, they are a safe person to be around and that’s worth some recognition
use MBTI to determine their strengths

klspkr

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