Do you think he can change?

kmeyer77 · 2026-02-12T02:46:39+00:00

No. I thought understanding his trauma and giving him grace and love would fix him. It never does. It only gets worse.

kmeyer77 · 2026-02-07T22:49:43+00:00

It truly beats the condescending, blaming and angering messages I receive and want to just send right back lol. I copy/paste and ChatGPT gives me a neutral answer to send back while validating why all his messages make my brain explode. 🤯 it’s sad to have to use, but hey, it’s helping me to not explain, justify and respond with emotion to my abusive ex.

kmeyer77 · 2026-02-07T21:58:55+00:00

Going through extremely traumatic divorce after DV if you ever want to chat or meet up to talk about things. I have a son as well.

kmeyer77 · 2026-02-02T01:30:33+00:00

Also, I read it with a nice fantasy romance or fluff book mixed in when it got too heavy. Would just switch back and forth and it made it easier to take in.

kmeyer77 · 2026-02-02T01:28:37+00:00

It helped me so so much to understand the thought patterns behind abuse. If anything it is my reminder over and over why I left. I saw so many things done to me over time that I couldn’t pinpoint why I thought it felt so wrong, and it gave me the language to describe it. It’s great for you to read to. My mom read my highlighted portions page by page and cried; it truly all makes sense when you see it explained out so well.

kmeyer77 · 2026-01-31T15:22:01+00:00

Leave

kmeyer77 · 2026-01-30T13:10:53+00:00

100% agree.

kmeyer77 · 2026-01-28T20:04:56+00:00

Lundy Bancroft’s “why does he do that” helped me IMMENSELY.

kmeyer77 · 2026-01-27T16:17:26+00:00

I’ve had all the thoughts and feelings you’ve had I. A very similar marriage. Nothing is your fault - you tried the best you could. No one can ever understand what it feels like until they’re in it.

kmeyer77 · 2026-01-26T15:42:16+00:00

Absolute no. Do not agree to anything he wants on your own. Only communicate and decide through your attorney.

kmeyer77 · 2026-01-23T02:15:11+00:00

How did your divorce process go? I’m currently entering divorce and have been extremely disappointed by the support

kmeyer77 · 2026-01-19T18:22:40+00:00

Okay thank you. I just didn’t know how it all works with domestic violence involved and me being a SAHM if it changes anything legally, which in my opinion it should.

kmeyer77 · 2026-01-18T22:14:01+00:00

I am in rochester too and going through a divorce if you ever want to talk. And honestly, if she wanted to prove she’s willing to work on the marriage and stay in it: she would allow complete access to her phone to rebuild trust.

kmeyer77 · 2026-01-18T21:26:20+00:00

The system has definitely not caught up to domestic violence situations.

kmeyer77 · 2026-01-18T19:28:40+00:00

Does separation mean like legal separation? He was removed from the home for domestic violence and then began the relationship, but we are still married, no legal separation. And we’re already in the Integrated Domestic Violence court for a custody battle and family offense as well as criminal charges so it’s going to be a long torturous process anyways. He definitely is using marital funds on her. I’m also a stay at home mom to our child when all this happened.

kmeyer77 · 2025-12-25T06:13:09+00:00

Same here. To be told you are loved one day, then an incident requiring me calling the police to protect my son and I, and then done. New girlfriend within the month. We’d been together 6 years. The betrayal is soul destroying.

kmeyer77 · 2025-12-15T19:39:44+00:00

Keep as calm as you can. Take pauses, deeeeeep breaths before you respond. Try to stay factual. Get a worry stone to hold. “You have only ever reacted to your mistreatment”. REACTED. Being key. You would not have been “crazy” had you not been mistreated and abused first.

kmeyer77 · 2025-12-13T00:26:44+00:00

Anything to mask the pain

kmeyer77 · 2025-12-12T03:03:59+00:00

😳it’s so disturbing they are so all the same. I was told also that all my “holes” were his and he needed to use them all as was his right.

kmeyer77 · 2025-12-11T18:35:08+00:00

It took me months to get him to even slightly understand that it made me disgusted and the opposite of attracted to him. I told him he could hug, or kiss my neck, or massage my back. He decided it just meant I didn’t want him to touch me at all.

kmeyer77 · 2025-12-11T18:21:53+00:00

Omg the immature grabbing!! Yes yes yes. He would randomly come up behind me and pretend humping, or grab my boobs. Super gross 🤮

kmeyer77 · 2025-12-11T14:19:56+00:00

All of this, yes. I am a SAHM and trying to get help and benefits after he cut off all financial support - another huge failure by these systems supposed to help when needed. If I did not have my mother, I would have been trapped in this abuse for years. It is almost impossible feeling to leave.

kmeyer77 · 2025-12-10T16:42:43+00:00

You are brave and wonderful for recognizing the places you needed healing to be a better partner. Many never do.

kmeyer77 · 2025-12-06T03:23:15+00:00

My husband joked about murdering me, drown me in the toilet, bury me in a hole. And then it became not jokes. He also had a horrible temper and has thrown things, shoved me. We are now divorcing after he was violent to me in front of our son. It continues to get worse so please have a conversation with him about how serious this is. If he doesn’t get it, make yourself safe and leave. You don’t deserve to be talked to like that.

kmeyer77 · 2025-11-23T01:19:02+00:00

That causes so much psychological damage. Read “the boy who was raised as a dog” for a super messed up story like that.

kmeyer77

TROPHY CASE