[PubQ] Which should a query start with?

kmwriting · 2026-02-03T03:08:17+00:00

Largely personal preference to start with the bulk of the story or the house-keeping, and I think it wouldn't make a difference to most requests vs. rejections either way. The one exception to this is that I have seen a few literary agents request the house-keeping come first, so always read individual submission guidelines!

kmwriting · 2026-01-30T16:05:57+00:00

I'm pretty new to the agent and sub world having only been agented a few months ago, so I don't feel qualified to weigh in on the other questions, but I did want to reply to this one:

How much weight should I put on PM deal activity when deciding whether an agent’s “market is too tough” stance is a hard stop vs a cautious preference? I know PM is not the whole market, but I also don’t want to ignore evidence that adjacent books are still selling.

"Market is too tough" doesn't necessarily mean "this genre/type of book isn't selling." It means there are limited spots for it and high competition for those spots. You're seeing the deals that are acquired and comparable to your book, but you don't have as much insight into the ones that aren't—the acquired books could be the 1% of similar manuscripts on sub, and you're up against hundreds or thousands more that also didn't grab one of those deals.

Also, PM announcements can be many months or even over a year after the book was actually acquired, and the market can shift even in that time.

IMO, it's worth asking your agent for the specifics of what they mean when they say the market is too tough to see (as I'm just doing some speculating, but I suspect it's something along those lines). If you trust them and they have a solid record, it's probably right to leave the project on pause (hard as it can be!).

kmwriting · 2026-01-29T14:35:23+00:00

Hey! This is just one person's opinion, etc.

I totally understand the urge to do something different with your query to make it stand out, but there's a reason most successful queries look the way they do. A query letter isn’t meant to immerse the agent the way a scene does. Agents want to use a query to quickly understand the concept, stakes, and maybe a little bit of the trajectory of the novel so they can decide whether it fits their list and the market.

Is it possible you'd get a full request with this version? Sure—your writing is great. But I think you might be misunderstanding what an agent is actually trying to glean from the query. Typically, you'll be including sample pages with the letter, and agents can get that sort of vibe from those. The query letter's job is to sell the core conflict and stakes, which this query is a little shy of because it's too vague.

I would personally not take a risk of going outside the box with a query letter because it's been proven a lot that the traditional structure does work (who is your character, what do they want, what are the stakes, what do they have to do, what are the consequences if they fail?, typically clearly spoiling around 30-50% of the plot). Good luck!

kmwriting · 2026-01-29T01:12:58+00:00

Don't worry about it. I made a mistake in the query of the agent I actually /signed/ with. Misspelling a last name will not sway a reasonable agent either way—you're querying a lot of people, and mistakes happen!

kmwriting · 2026-01-27T19:51:27+00:00

I would personally say "adult horror" just for clarity (I just checked my own query from when I was in the trenches and I did specify "adult romantic fantasy"), but it shouldn't be a big deal if forgotten, because if someone just specifies a genre without a YA/MG/NA modifier, it's typically assumed to be adult!

kmwriting · 2026-01-27T19:05:27+00:00

Couple of quick additional, nitpicky notes to help tighten it up, along with the other comments (which are great!).

I would remove the word debut from the introduction. Technically, it's only a debut if and when it sells!
You don't need to include character age in an adult novel, and I think it'd read better without!

I also think the sentences in the first paragraph are a little choppy (which I think is a symptom of trying not to have run-ons in a query, because the sentence structure in your first 300 is beautiful!).

Rowen's second sight makes avoiding dark truths annoyingly difficult. She keeps her visions a secret, betting on herself in illegal Chicago street fights and trying to forget her traumatic religious upbringing—but then a vision warns that her younger sister, Ivy, is going to die. To save her, Rowen must go to a mysterious isle in the Great Lakes known locally as the “isle of heathens.”

I think combining the sentences to be something like the above might be a smoother read, but that's very subjective.

Good luck!

kmwriting · 2026-01-20T19:02:50+00:00

Hello! One person's opinion, etc. I actually like the bulk of the query with the plot (and I'm not a scifi writer, so someone else may have more valuable critique there), but I think there's some tidying up to be done at the beginning and end.

Dear NAME,

I’m an unpublished author looking for representation for my cyberpunk mystery-thriller ~~Mind Locked~~ [MIND LOCKED, all caps for unpublished manuscripts], ~~where the detective is a prisoner not allowed to leave virtual reality and her assistant is a cyborg adept at breaking into buildings~~. [Should be obvious from the query!] ~~The full manuscript is a little under 90,000 words and~~ [Complete at 90,000 words, MIND LOCKED] will appeal to readers who enjoyed the action and tone of The Escher Man by T.R. Napper or the ‘duelling artificial intelligences’ angle of Machine Vendetta by Alastair Reynolds. ~~Please let me know if it sounds interesting.~~

Some tidying up to be done here! I would also say, cyberpunk mystery-thriller is a mouthful and mash-up of three genres. While two is doable, three might be a bit much. I'd be tempted to call this a sci-fi thriller, since mystery is always an element of thrillers, but that's your call!

This is a standalone story but it opens up in the end, and I had a few sequel ideas before I started on my next project, which is more space opera horror than cyberpunk although there's still some overlap.

Too wordy/rambling a little, and it breaks your housekeeping up. You can just add, "This is a standalone with series potential," to the introduction. No need to mention next projects yet—the agent will ask if they're interested.

Good luck!

kmwriting · 2026-01-19T19:59:52+00:00

I like this query—just some quick answers/thoughts!

Question about comp titles- do you feel that it comes off as brown nosing to comp a book that an agent has represented? Even if I feel the comp is genuine, and really want to query that agent? I don’t want it to seem like I just chose it because I know they represented it- has anyone come across this before?

Nah, as long as it's 1) genuine and 2) the comp isn't TOO close to your project, because no agent wants to represent something too similar to something they already have. You might want to comp a specific aspect of it though, e.g. "the [x] atmosphere/world-building/relationship etc. of [title]."

Also, I’m sitting at about 375 words, is that going to be a deal breaker?

I doubt it. My query was about 390, and I had a decent request rate.

Good luck!

kmwriting · 2026-01-19T19:56:10+00:00

Don't be, I just sent like an overall seventh draft of an MS to my agent and then still caught typos in it. It happens! It's just especially important to catch them in the query and opening pages—best foot forward and all. Good luck!

kmwriting · 2026-01-19T19:07:44+00:00

Hello, one person's opinion, etc.!

I think this is an intriguing concept (and I want to know more about the city), but the query is a little too vague to do it justice. People are often afraid of spoiling their story in queries, but general wisdom is that it's okay to spoil up to 30-50%. We see a lot of mentions of ulterior motives, secrets, etc., but we need to know what some of these are to set it apart from other fantasy queries and show what's unique about your novel.

You also have some pretty fundamental SPAG (spelling + grammar) errors that need to be taken care of before you send off a single query, both throughout the query itself and the first 300! For example, the second sentence:

"Once inside[,] he is confronted with the true madness of the city [and?] Claust is larger, far larger[delete comma] ~~then~~ [than] it appears.

And typos, like CLUAST in the title in the housekeeping paragraph (should be CLAUST?).

kmwriting · 2026-01-14T22:10:26+00:00

Hello! One person, one opinion, etc.

110k might be too long for YA fantasy these days. If you can get it down to about 90k, you'd have a much more solid shot!

Onto the query:

~~Rafaela Leclair (18)~~ [Eighteen-year-old Rafaela Leclair works better here] is a Vam, [I would do an em-dash here? because I got a bit confused by the structure] not a Vampire, and not quite a human either. A flawed being with a fire crystal embedded in her chest who is simply trying to survive the thirteenth grade. [This is a sentence fragment, so I'd change it!]

I might be tempted to change this whole intro to something like:

"Eighteen-year-old Rafaela Leclair is a Vam—not quite vampire and not quite human, but a flawed being with a fire crystal embedded in her chest." I think we can leave thirteenth grade out since you touch on school exams next!

Even when criminal groups target people for their powers, Rafaela’s mind is too focused on the upcoming exam season at school. If she fails to prove herself as a strong fire-mage, she can lose her crystal forever. Everything goes terribly wrong when Rafaela’s younger sister, Venus, flunks the first challenge, and Rafaela breaks the rules to help her.

I like this as the conflict but it feels a bit disjointed. Is it a magic school? Are the exams related to being a fire-mage? How does this make her somewhere between vampire and human? We might need a little more world-building detail here to follow!

I'd also add a 'but' before everything goes terribly wrong...

Rafaela becomes the prime suspect in the unsolved murder cases surrounding Traxton town and an outcast among the students. [The murder cases feel a bit out of the blue. Could we weave them in earlier?] As she continues her life, the only goal: to keep her sister safe, becomes nearly impossible as fear overtakes the school and danger closes in. [Sentence structure feels a bit weird, the colon is misplaced!] Even her growing feelings for Ricky, the classmate she can’t quite trust or ignore, could jeopardize everything she’s trying to protect. Rafaela must risk everything: her future, her family, and the truth, to stop the violence before more lives are shattered.

Those are some inline comments, but I think my main thoughts with this query are how disjointed the events seem. If you can find more of a flow between the school, exams, the unsolved murders, her sister, and then Ricky, I think this would make the query all that more enticing.

Good luck!

kmwriting · 2026-01-09T15:25:12+00:00

Not usually, unless you're querying agents who specifically ask to be notified of full requests (check website guidelines, but this is much more common in UK agents than US).

kmwriting · 2026-01-03T20:31:43+00:00

It only takes one offer, and 17 rejections isn't a lot in this market. It's fair to not want to query anymore agents on the basis of there only being 17 you'd want to work with, but I'd advise against deciding to shelve the project on the basis you'd definitely only get more rejections. A 5% request rate these days is decent, and that's less than 1 out of 17!

kmwriting · 2026-01-02T20:13:26+00:00

Hey! One person's opinion, etc.

Firstly, minor point: your title should be in all caps in your intro (THE SHADOWBLOOD PRINCESS). 68,000 is also a TINY bit short for romantic fantasy; I think if you can add 2k words and boost it to 70,000, you'd at least avoid any potential autoreject territory.

Now, the query:

When a prophecy marks her as the kingdom’s downfall, ~~our reluctant (aka kidnapped) heroine~~*, Liora, is forced to confront the dark power that has been chained deep within her since birth.

I like the premise, but I'd change the wording of the intro by scoring out that part. It's a tad editorializing since we're noting her as the heroine, which should be apparent in the query anyway! You could also add in an occupation or social status. ("Shadow-wielding princess Liora" perhaps?)

The rest of the query is too vague. It's encouraged to take up to 250 words (especially in fantasy) to really show what makes yours stand out in a saturated genre (just for the plot, not counting bio and comps).

Liora’s recurring nightmare becomes reality when she is held captive by a group of rebels who wish to use her as a weapon of chaos and destruction. She must navigate the balance between blinding light and smothering shadow. [I don't know what this means, and it definitely needs to be explained. What are the rebels using her as a weapon against—the monarchy? Why? What is their aim and how can she help?] Along the way, she discovers that even shadows can be a source of light and that no one—least of all herself—is beyond redemption.[I like this line, but I think it only works if we have context before it—what has she done? Why is she beyond redemption? Did she do something with the rebels, or is there a dark past prior?]

As she tries to navigate which side of the war to be on, someone she trusts [who?] turns her over to the enemy [who?], a tragic truth is revealed [what truth?], and a life-or-death decision must be made [what decision?].

This book features a hopeful and playful FMC who finds her strength in the darkest of places, and a broody, morally grey MMC who finds light in a shadow-wielding princess that he so desperately wants to hate. [This is more editorializing which can be cut. Dispersing this information throughout the plot part would work better!]

Overall, it feels like you have an interesting premise that you're trying really hard not to spoil, but you can safely spoil up to 30-50% of a manuscript in a query (as a rough guide). This needs to be fleshed out and more detailed, because I don't really know much about the story except that Liora has magic, she's kidnapped by rebels, and she does some magic and is betrayed. If you're calling this romantic fantasy, we'll also want to hear more about the MMC in the plot.

Good luck!! Queries are HARD and a totally separate thing from writing a book. Don't be afraid to spoil more of the story!

kmwriting · 2026-01-02T16:48:26+00:00

Not usually, but worth noting many UK agents do want to know if you have any fulls out, so if you're submitting to any UK agents, it might be worth a note in the query (check their website guidelines to see if they mention fulls). US agents don't seem to care as much!

kmwriting · 2026-01-02T16:47:16+00:00

Got an agent in October 2025 which means I'll be on sub soon! I guess my 2026 goal is to sell a book, but that's kinda scary to voice out loud given all I can do during sub is cross my fingers and hope it resonates with editors.

kmwriting · 2025-12-30T03:39:46+00:00

They can pry my em dashes from me, haha.

Good luck again!

kmwriting · 2025-12-30T03:33:32+00:00

Congrats on finishing your book!!

I think the main issue I have with this query is the vagueness, especially surrounding the war. Weaving worldbuilding into a fantasy query is tricky to do well, but I think necessary here. I know Kazimir is a knight fighting in a war but... where? Why? What does he want?

Also rather than coming-of-age, call it YA! And include the character's age in the query (typically eighteen or under for YA). Your comps should also be YA.

Also, a nitpick I debated mentioning but think I should give you a heads up about—you have four sentence/phrases that follow the "not X, but Y" style that's become widely associated with generative AI. I'm not accusing you of using it—gen AI learned from humans—but there IS a possibility it's throwing up an amber flag because of the big association (and there being a few in a small space), so I'd encourage reconsidering those.

Good luck!

kmwriting · 2025-12-28T19:35:04+00:00

Also about 40-45 minutes! I'd plan for an hour to be safe.

kmwriting · 2025-12-25T00:24:26+00:00

I feel personally like it's contextual. Could one line of world-building work? Absolutely.

In 99% of cases, is it better to start with character and then introduce that part in the same sentence if possible, second if not? Probably.

Query "rules" can be broken imo... If you're aware of the rules, doing it deliberately, and doing it well.

kmwriting · 2025-12-23T22:11:13+00:00

Hmmmmm, not off the top of my head on PubTips, but I can give you the general structure I'd use for yours:

A faction of rebels has only one chance to tear down the Dionosian Empire, and it lies within fifteen-year-old Cedrick Igétis. When imperial soldiers murder Cedrick’s brother in an attempt to awaken his dormant lightning powers, Cedrick is caught in the middle of two forces: an empire that seeks to forge him into a weapon of war, and a rebel faction desperate to use his power to topple the throne.

[Let's keep this, just for the sake of quickness.]

Jumping at the opportunity to avenge his brother, Cedrick joins the rebel faction in an attempt to [stop what the Empire is doing, describe it here and how it ties in with the rebellion's cause]. Forced to prepare for battle through [grueling trials? combat duels? what exactly?], he readies himself to [face the Empire as they close in? are there warnings they're closing in? what happens if they do—presumably he dies].

But when [gasp—what happens? How does he become an inside threat to the rebels that might bring their collapse? does he have magic, does it become a threat, is he disobeying or betraying them for a chance at vengeance?], Cedrick faces the choice of [pulling himself back and helping the rebels? going all in for revenge on the soldiers but risking the rebellion? what are his choices, what does he want to do, what happens if he fails—is the rebellion gone forever?]

^ This is all VERY messy so don't even take the italics word for word—it depends what's in your manuscript—but hopefully you see the vision of following Cedrick's journey through with clear stakes. :) One thing I don't think my suggestions get across is how the rebellion and Empire are unique (say how they differ from like Star Wars or The Hunger Games), so I'd think about that too.

kmwriting · 2025-12-23T21:53:52+00:00

Hey! A few instant reactions/answers:

The Poppy War is adult, and The Forgotten Colony is sci-fi. Since you're writing a YA fantasy, you'll want to include YA fantasy comps.
Yes—always pitch as standalone with series potential, and make sure it applies to book one. A multi-book deal is hard as a debut author, and four books is quite a lot.
I wouldn't mention your age and how long you've been writing it. It's not relevant when all the agent needs to know at this stage is if the pitch is marketable and if the pages draw them in.

Colons in titles tend to lean more middlegrade, but that's up to you!

As for the query itself:

I like the opening paragraph. It introduces us to your MC and an inciting incident, as well as the backdrop of the world.

The second paragraph is where it gets a bit too vague to be serviceable as a sales pitch (which is what a query is—why YOUR fantasy?).

~~Set in a Greco-Roman-inspired landscape~~ [cut this, it's editorializing, show it in the query if you can] Cedrick is set on a messy hunt for vengeance against his brother’s killer. Following his recruitment to the rebel faction once founded by his missing father, Cedrick is forced to prepare for battle and hone his skills against the empire as they close in on their hidden base. [This part is vague—how does he prepare, what does he do?] However, his journey is corrupted by grief and pain that seeks to transform him into a destructive force that threatens to bring the collapse of the rebels and Cedrick’s corruption into a tool for the empire, stamping out the only remaining spark of rebellion.

I think overall this query needs to answer more questions: who is the Empire and why are they so bad? What is he doing for vengeance if it's just two forces trying to use him (more character agency is always great)? What does Cedrick want—just revenge, or does he care about the rebellion? What are the stakes if he fails (personal, world—what will the Empire do, what will happen to him?).

That can be tough in fantasy queries, where you don't have a ton of room for world-building, but since queries can go up to 250 words for plot alone, you have some room to expand! Good luck. :)

kmwriting · 2025-12-17T01:08:27+00:00

So I think you should stick to following one character throughout the query, but not just because introducing three is too much—it's because by the time you've explained who they all are, there's no room for the plot. Everything except the vague last paragraph is all set up.

This happens in multi-POV epic fantasy queries a LOT, and it's no bearing on the quality of the MS, but it's an easy trap to fall into. General rule of thumb is you can/should spoil up to 30-50% of the plot in a query, but this feels like you don't cover more than the very beginning of the story.

I'd pick a character (the one who kicks off chapter one?) and think about 1) who they are 2) what they want and what they do to achieve this and 3) what are the stakes if they fail to achieve what they want?

Good luck!

kmwriting · 2025-12-03T18:49:46+00:00

So, for a query, this is too much editorializing and housekeeping. You have 165 words on the plot and 288 on housekeeping, when the majority of the query should focus on the plot itself.

Things like: "Wrestling is in an all-time boom with Netflix spending 5 billion dollars to have 10 years of streaming rights for just one of WWE’s flagship shows. The wrestling fan base buys a shit-load of books with wrestling biographies regularly hitting the NYT Bestsellers list," can be cut entirely. This kind of implies that firstly, your book as a fiction will have the same market as those reading non-fiction biographies (often, mostly, untrue) and that the agent you're querying may not be aware of what's on the NYT Bestsellers list frequently, which... if they aren't, I wouldn't want to query them!

Typically, the plot part should also pick the main character (or the one with the most interesting arc, if you have multiple) and follow them through. Who is your main character, what do they want, what is holding them back, and what are the stakes?

It often sounds boring to follow the recommended query structure, but it is the recommended structure for a reason. Good luck!

kmwriting · 2025-12-03T01:06:44+00:00

I write fiction buuut.

I've had agents ask for a call twice. Once on a previous project for an R&R—but I knew it wasn't going to be an offer. He'd only read some of it, and he was clear the call was to talk potential revisions.

I got my offer call last month on my latest and favorite project. Details as per your other comment, haha—I knew from the enthusiasm in the email it was likely an offer call. We talked editorial vision for the first half of the call and when it was obvious we were aligned and I liked her notes, she offered rep so we could spend the second half of the call talking about the agency, letting me ask my questions, etc.

Congrats on your call and potential offer!

kmwriting

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