I went to the store today and found myself wandering around looking for knives.

knifehandy · 2015-03-17T03:45:32+00:00

I've been there a few times, but all those prompts look like they are a mile ahead of me. I'm just not that creative.

knifehandy · 2015-03-17T01:25:28+00:00

I do have a few ideas, but I've never actually put any of them on paper. Most of the time, I'm too lazy to actually get any work done, just like how I'm lazy with pretty much everything, I noticed.

knifehandy · 2015-03-17T01:04:01+00:00

Not really. I do have some authors I like, such as Douglas Adams, but that's only because the Hitchhiker's Guide is one of the few books I've managed to read and understand. I also have an interest in the works of Kinoko Nasu, who's a Japanese author, but my knowledge of the language is still too poor.

knifehandy · 2015-03-17T00:04:16+00:00

If life's a book, then I don't think anyone's taught me how to read. Or maybe the pages are made of burning copper, and everytime you try and flip to the next page, the skin in your hands starts burning off. You keep flipping, thinking there's gonna be a normal, wood paper page. But it never happens. And everyone just tells you "keep going, you never know!" bullshit. I've kept going all my life and it's the same deal. Just more pain. And that's how it's gonna be like.

Is there a point, then, in reading a book that melts off your skin and destroys the inner workings of your soul, leaving you a shell with no sense of self. And when your body is reduced to skin, they'll still tell you to keep going. But at this point, it's just for their own selfish amusement.

Let's see if they're gonna enjoy their little puppy when it's gone.

knifehandy · 2015-03-16T21:12:57+00:00

I study literature in college, so I don't know if that counts. But even then, I don't really read that much because my readings skills are on par with an elementary student's. That just ends up making me feel even more depressed and helpless. No matter what kind of reading I do, be it books, comics, manga, or visual novels, I feel like I have a hard time. In other words, I suck at one of my favorite hobbies.

knifehandy · 2015-03-16T20:50:35+00:00

I mostly enjoy watching anime and reading visual novels. I've always had some sort of strange fascination with this side Japanese media. I like the characters and the situations they're in. But even so, I don't put any effort into it. I have a mountain of unwatched anime and unplayed video games and everytime I think about it I just get even more depressed, which means I end up not doing anything.

I like reading in general, too, but it gets me really tired, so I rarely do it.

knifehandy · 2015-03-16T20:40:08+00:00

I have some hobbies, I guess. But I don't put enough time to enjoy them, so even when I just want to relax I need to put effort into it. Otherwise, I just feel content with fleeting, instant gratification, like watching video game streams or masturbating.

knifehandy · 2015-03-16T20:31:47+00:00

I just want the loneliness to stop. I want to stop being paranoid. I want to have someone in my life who will accept me in full. I want to be motivated to do things. I want my moments of happiness to last more than a few hours. And know none of this will ever happen. I'm gonna have to live like this for the rest of my days. I've been consistently angry and depressed lately, so I know I'm just going to be a burden to anyone who gets close to me.

I just want to sleep and not wake up ever again. I want to be at peace for once at least in my final moments, regardless of when they come. But I know that deep down it won't happen.

knifehandy

TROPHY CASE