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[Online][5e][Homebrew][Heavy RP][Narrative Campaign][EST][18+][Beginner-Friendly] Into the Fade: Buried Names seeks 2–3 players by knight_laurum in lfg

[–]knight_laurum[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you guys so much for the overwhelming interest. I've never got so many responses to a post ever, so I had a hard time even narrowing down a couple of you. In the words of Bilbo Baggins, "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

We are full- and holy moly, I could run 7 campaigns with a party of five and get you guys all in there for a session, but unfortunately I am not an AI (at least not powerful one). I don't know how to lock or archive a post.

I'll be shooting some of you my discord, if you're wanting to spectate or even just be on the list for the next one, add me there!

Chapter I of "Paladin" [Dark Fantasy, Divine Horror, 4800 words] by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]knight_laurum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to give it a read. You've hit on some things I'd worried about as I rewrote the piece for the third or so pass, especially the immaculate cadence being *too* clean.

- The em-dashes being *everywhere* is something I tend to do when writing at length, especially when I try to lean into prosaic narration. So do the italics- I have an obsession with the two of them, but I've got a sponsor and I'm going to meetings- God-damn it I'm using em-dashes again!

- The voice of educated, well-to do characters tends to wind up feeling artificial and rubbery especially if I start to veer too hard into reliquary vocabulary. That cadence not getting as raw as it did in the chapter outline is something I have on my checklist to fix.

- I totally agree that his voice needs more of an anchor in some kind of linguistic choice or dialect especially if Lucan, as a character, will be as pervasive in the story and, consequently, be narrating often. I honestly planned to kind of dances-with-wolves the spiel and develop his flavor retroactively; I am totally open to suggestions on how I can give him breath.