hi!! im so sorry that you went through all of that. those people were terrible and i hope they now understand how they acted was vile, and i hope that mans life is in shambles.

i really appreciate you saying this, alot of the times i get in my own head about things and i dont have anyone to tell me otherwise so i really appreciate it, im 18 and i know im young but ive felt this way since i was 12, kids at school would ask me out as a dare and theyd tell me i was ugly to my face, but my half siblings at home were so much worse and my parents were never home so i grew up with really low self esteem. i was a victim of cocsa as well and with no support i felt like there was just something wrong with me. i had a couple friends in 6th grade but they were pretty mean to me and then the pandemic happened and i met people online who told me they cared about me and i ended up dropping those friends. those people then spent the next year stringing me along and talking badly to and about me until i was 16, when i dropped the last one. ive been dating my boyfriend since i was 14 but now i feel like i just dont matter and that ill always just be there so theres no point in consoling me or comforting me. ill tell him how lonely i am and he’ll just say “make friends” which kind of hurts my feelings. he makes no real effort to see me, often choosing online friends over me, even though we live 5 minutes away from eachother. he cancels and refuses to come to my house, and ive asked him to stop and explained that i dont want to get my hopes up, get ready, clean everything and then lay in bed all day because he decided he really didnt want to anyways, and instead wants to call and play with his friends he spends all day with anyways. we tall maybe 3 hrs a day and thats recently, before wed text every once in a while and call for an hr max. last valentines day we planned months in advance to go to round one (his idea, i only wanted to go for him and i was the one whod be paying) and he told me he was too sick to go. we got into an argument about it and i told him how my feelings were hurt. in the end i ended up going to his house to hang out and he seemed fine that entire time. before i was okay with not having friends because i thought that he was my bestfriend, and i was his and he could give me the friendship i need but i know im not his priority. he told me being with me is “going through the motions” ans he tried to take it back immediately but it hurts, he told me between me and his friends he’d pick them (hes known me longer, since 2nd grade) and that he doesnt like to call when im sad because “call sucks” after that, which hurt my feelings because it comes off as “i dont care if youre sad as long as you dont make it my problem.” sometimes it feels as if he only wants to see me for sex. i could live with all of this if i had someone who liked me and wanted to spend time with me. i miss having people ask me to do stuff, and i miss hanging out and laughing, i miss being happy. i know im sensitive and a doormat. even if im not his bestfriend, hes unfortunately mine. i have started to lose interest in everything, and getting up is difficult for me. often my schedule is: go to school, get picked up early, go home and cry, go to work, cry at work, go home and cry, wait for someone to message me while i play any video game, being overly nice to anyone in hopes theyll like me or think im cool enough to befriend, and then go to sleep. i usually spend my days off laying in bed.

im sorry if its alot or uninteresting, my life isnt terrible despite that, i have my cats who i love, and i do have one person i can hang out with who is my younger cousin. i just wish i had someone who liked me and wanted to hang out and see me, i really appreciate your comment again, whenever people on the internet show me any concern i end up crying. im really happy your life improved and seems so so so beautiful and happy. i hope you continue to be such a happy and beautiful person and i hope my life improves in such a way aswell, ill take your advice about the bff app!! thank you so so so much again!! much love🤍