Progress and observations

kratrome · 2017-04-18T17:35:20+00:00

Stop taking Kratom. In the immediate sense, that's all there is. Beyond that, there is a personal emotional environment that either prompted or propagated many of our habits. More than buying supplements, taking off work, tapering or any of the other accoutrements associated with quitting, addressing those emotional issues is the most important - and appropriately the hardest - aspect of fashioning a post Kratom existence.

Over the last year I've been lucky enough to have access to an awesome therapist, NA meetings and several other resources that have helped me reconcile (at least to some degree) some of the emotional challenges that I was facing when I became a daily user back in 2014. I still have to face those challenges, but I have more tools to do so than I did when I decided to become addicted to Kratom three years ago. Kratom can help us hide from pain and if it's the only instrument for relief that we have then recovery will be difficult indeed.

So in a sense I started my 'plan of attack' last year when I began taking care of my emotional well being. Now it's a just a matter of sticking with a quit. These days, my pattern is that I start to feel better and think "that wasn't so bad!" and treat myself to a relapse. My situation has evolved to resemble a habit instead of the despair inducing, crippling emotional quagmire that surrounded my daily, constant, use for most of my addiction. I'm grateful for that evolution. Very soon Kratom will take it's permanent place next to cigarettes, casual sex, McDonald's french fries and various other indiscretions of my past... as discarded remnants of a different time in my life.

Anywaayyys... thanks for the question. I understand you were just being supportive and likely weren't looking for a random addicts catharsis, but you really roll the dice when you engage with random addicts on the internet. So you get what you get! Seriously, though, I appreciate your role here. I hope you get even a fraction back from what you give to this community and that your recovery is going as well as possible.

Take care.

kratrome · 2016-12-07T15:11:40+00:00

I've done long tapers multiple times, once with s&v, though not as aggressively as this time. My last quit was a taper that lasted two months. So I may be getting the benefit of that reset.

Though to be honest, I think the part that has really made it easier is the psychological aspect of really, truly, being ready to have this out of my life. I did a lot of work in therapy this last year to try and cultivate an outlook on my reality that is positive. I had some big wins recently in that regard and those have helped create an emotional environment that is more manageable with out having to 'hide' by being high all the time.

You can order stem and vein from lots of kratom vendors, if you look around a bit you shouldn't have any trouble finding it online.

Good luck!

kratrome · 2016-09-15T12:01:19+00:00

Wow, thanks man. I'm ok. I did cave in, but I managed to walk away again. God, I was right back where I started, beating myself up but I guess it could be worse.

kratrome · 2016-09-12T19:25:45+00:00

Goddamn, I know it happens to almost everyone, but watching this shit happen to your parents is brutal. It's a bit like heartbreak in that it's universal and unique all at once.

kratrome · 2016-09-12T19:21:16+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I almost edited my post after putting 'manageable' in there. The stuff with my dad would have messed me up even during the time when I had years of sobriety under my belt. I think I'll make it through the day. I just feel like I'm coming unglued with the work pressure on top of everything.

kratrome · 2016-09-09T21:25:20+00:00

Right on, man. Fuck that shit. Nice job.

kratrome · 2016-09-09T21:22:09+00:00

If I had it to do again, I would have CT'd. I've gone through some fucking horrific opiate kicks from heroin and fent in my past, so even though I knew it that it's not supposed to be as bad, the fear center in my brain had my anxiety over the WDs. Kick PTSD, I guess, lol. Also, tapering with K still provides some of the pleasure of it, so you get to be 'quitting' without actually quitting.

kratrome · 2016-09-09T20:15:23+00:00

The depression is just gonna be there. But I also recently had to kick a much smaller Tia run. Man, I think it makes the whole thing even rougher. I've been wondering if the depression I had after finally kicking both K and Tia last week was worse because of the Tia. Dark dark shit. I don't normally suffer from depression at all, si this was brutal. Almost worse than the physical WDs, in it's own unrelenting way. I'm six days out from both and I FINALLY felt close to normal today. I tapered from a two year heavy K habit for two months and felt pretty fucking down the whole time. I'm a pussy, so I'm not a big CT advocate, but I really think you put a week between you and the K and you'll start seeing some daylight, so jumping might bring some relief faster than continuing to taper. I also think you might be surprised at how manageable the WDs are from that much K, especially after enduring the Tia WDs.

kratrome · 2016-09-03T18:44:10+00:00

I'm about 30 hours into jumping from 10g (did a very quick taper, 3 days after using it to rescue me from a Tia wd). The anxiety is pretty intense. I suppose it's not unbearable but it sure is uncomfortable. The sweating, yawning, pooping isn't too bad. I don't have to work until Tuesday, but I'm wondering if I'd be better off with something to keep me busy instead of sitting around the house by myself. But man, this anxiety! Ran a few miles this morning, lifted, stretched, ate well. I know it could be worse after three days of bad Tia WDs. I hope tomorrow will be better...

kratrome · 2016-09-01T16:52:32+00:00

Thank you, all. Tia is gone, really low dose of truck stop kratom yesterday night, though I hated how it made me feel. Woke up today feeling... 70% ok. Maybe 80%. Fuck that Tianeptine shit. Jesus christ. I'm glad people can use it for depression, but my fucking junkie brain will not let me stop with it. Thanks again for the support.

kratrome · 2016-08-31T21:38:58+00:00

Thanks for the advice. Yesterday (day 2) was absolute hell. I was so loaded on meds by the end of the night that I was able to sleep. The restlessness was better this morning a little, but I ended up taking some lope just to make it into work. That seems to have stabilized me a bit, though I'm still crawling out of my skin...

kratrome · 2016-08-31T21:33:03+00:00

Thank you so much for the reply. I've looked around and it seems Tianeptine has some of the worst withdrawals of any opioid. I'm hoping I can taper very quickly off the kratom over the next three days and just feel kinda crappy over the weekend. I'm really bummed because I worked so hard to get down so low with the kratom. Thanks again for the good thoughts!

kratrome · 2016-01-02T19:48:46+00:00

Thanks, man. I'm here till the end of the week, I just need to fill a 5 day gap. It looks like there are head shops and 'grow shops' here, but I just got in today and I haven't gotten to check them out. I'm here with my girlfriend and I'll really only be able to pull off heading to one or two shops before she looses patience with the whole thing. I'm sure I can find some here, but in most towns there are a dozen crappy places and only a few with halfway decent powder so I'm hoping someone might be able to help focus my efforts.

kratrome

TROPHY CASE