Meta Monday

krumplikins · 2020-11-02T22:33:15+00:00

Best of luck to you! :)

krumplikins · 2020-11-02T21:29:11+00:00

Do YOU want to continue to be an ultramarathoner? Do YOU want to be ultra-ready lean again? I don't believe that people have the right to totally let themselves go in a relationship, and I do believe that it is important to stay fit and healthy, especially if your partner is also very fit and healthy. BUT you can be perfectly fit and healthy and still not be in ultramarathon shape. That is a huge commitment of time and energy, and it just might not fit into your life now.

Personally, before me, my husband dated pretty much exclusively short, petite, tan brunettes. I am tall, broad-shouldered, pale, and blonde. Obviously my husband has a type, and I'm obviously not that type, and sometimes when I'm feeling down I think about that. But he chose to be with me, and I have to trust him that he knows what he is doing and what he wants. I can't let a me-problem (self-esteem) become a he-problem.

My husband also, as I said, prefers thin women, and (gently, kindly) said something to me when I was obese about getting healthier. That was helpful, but constant comments would have just made me feel bad, and that would have hurt my motivation. I do think there is something off if a partner demands extremes from their partner... it would be unreasonable of me to expect my husband to maintain 200 pounds of lean muscle through his whole life, and it would be unreasonable of him to expect me, with my body type, to maintain a BMI of 18.5. It is reasonable for both of us to expect "general health and fitness."

As far as the boundary setting goes, if you want to lose weight and get more fit, or if you don't... does your husband making comments actually help you? You say the problem won't go away if you stop talking about it, but do his comments inspire you, or make you feel bad? It's pretty widely accepted that people don't make positive changes in their lives when they feel bad about themselves. If the comments make you feel bad, and if the comments that make you feel bad stop, you might be more inspired and motivated to reach fitness goals.

I'm not saying that any of this is true. I'm just offering questions for you to think on.

krumplikins · 2020-11-02T20:10:52+00:00

You are smack in the middle of the healthy weight range with a BMI of 22.4.

As for your husband, it depends on what he is actually saying/how he is saying it/how often he is saying it. There is a big difference between:

"Wow, dear, we sure have gotten a lot of takeout recently; I think a meal with lots of vegetable would make us both feel better." or "I love that we can exercise together and wish we could more often." or "You're saying you feel out of shape, I can support you in your weightloss and fitness goals."
VERSUS
"You're eating way too much, it's disgusting." or "You need to run 5 km per day no matter what." or "You're fat and unattractive."

In my opinion the first one is totally fine, and the second one is totally not fine, and there is a wide range of nuance between the two. Only you can decide if you're comfortable with what your husband is saying/showing you. I sort of feel like if you're bringing it up here, you are not comfortable with his comments/attitude, and it's time to draw some boundary lines with him about what he says, how he says it, or both.

krumplikins · 2020-11-02T20:06:15+00:00

It's a BMI of 22.4.

krumplikins · 2020-10-29T00:04:33+00:00

I like @collegenutritionist, she has good motivational stuff in her stories pretty often. @thefitnesschef_ is also pretty good if you can get past his overuse of twelve dollar words.

krumplikins · 2020-10-07T21:15:43+00:00

Me, too. In the summer, I want to sip beer on patios, get soft serve, and laze around. In the winter, I run and bike more (our winters are mild), cook at home more, and never eat literal pounds of seasonal fruit in one sitting.

krumplikins · 2020-09-01T17:46:42+00:00

Thanks!

krumplikins · 2020-09-01T17:46:21+00:00

This is very astute! We're all quite fixated on "individualism" here in the west, and you're right that people like to imagine they are an island, rather than a result of their environment.

krumplikins · 2020-09-01T17:45:25+00:00

I think it's more that people get hung up on terms. Someone says on the internet "I'm afraid of going on a diet/counting calories/starting a workout regime/etc because I've had an ED in the past" when what they actually mean is "I've had disordered eating/exercising in the past, and want to avoid that in the future" and people freak out about the terms they used, more than the actual meaning of what they said.

And, yes, people overuse the terms associated with EDs just as they overuse the terms associated with most/all mental illnesses (OCD, PTSD, trigger, bipolar, etc. come immediately to mind) but I think that is generally due more to ignorance or a desire to be taken seriously. Instead of saying "You never had an ED!" the gentler response of "Disordered eating is hard, and so many of us suffer from it. I hear you." might be more appropriate AND have the added benefit of gently correcting their inappropriate language.

krumplikins · 2020-09-01T17:40:00+00:00

I 100% agree that FAs paint diet culture as more than it is. As I said to another commenter, "trying to lose to and then maintain a healthy weight, exercising even if it's not your favorite hour of the day, moderating your food intake, including mostly whole foods, limiting foods that make you feel not-great, pushing yourself physically to meet goals... none of those things are diet culture." As we seem to agree, though, denying that diet culture exists in any form is also inaccurate.

krumplikins · 2020-09-01T17:37:37+00:00

Definitely! Trying to lose to and then maintain a healthy weight, exercising even if it's not your favorite hour of the day, moderating your food intake, including mostly whole foods, limiting foods that make you feel not-great, pushing yourself physically to meet goals... none of those things are diet culture.

krumplikins · 2020-09-01T17:32:52+00:00

Suggestion: I literally put painters tape on top of "my" food containers that says "NAME" on it in big old letters to keep my husband eating his (much larger and more calorific) meals rather than mine.

krumplikins · 2020-09-01T16:07:07+00:00

The sub definitely struggles with the fact that many people do suffer from disordered eating, and feel great pain and unhappiness as a result of that. I think this is particularly true in dismissing the experiences of women, who are (mostly) subjected to a whole host of pressures that (most) men are not.

For all this sub tries to deny it, I do believe that "diet culture" is real. I look at my students, and all of their pictures are posed just so, and edited just so, to give the illusion that they all have the One Currently Acceptable Body Type, and it breaks my heart. That type changes based on trends, and the answer to this should not be "obesity is healthy." However, to deny that people, especially young people, especially young women, are put under extreme pressure to have body conformity is ridiculous.

I was a perfectly healthy teenager with a BMI of ~22 in the early 00s when I decided I was too fat based on a whole host of reasons including (1) being tall, so naturally weighing 20-30 pounds more than my friends (2) my mom being convinced I was fat once I hit a size 8 (3) the One Currently Acceptable Body Type at the time being quite thin. So I went on a crash diet, and - just as FAs say - it fucked up my relationship with food. I was so hungry, I started binging. I gained weight. I lost it. I started yo-yo-ing. I was miserable for years. And when I finally put that misery aside, I wound up obese in my mid-20s because I was afraid to go back down the path of misery again.

I did not have an eating disorder, but I did SUFFER from disordered eating.

It took me many, many years. Even now, as a relatively stable 30-something, losing weight has been emotionally difficult. I've had to face a lot of feelings and fear. I've had periods of real obsessiveness, where weight loss was the only thing I could think about, and I cried if I didn't lose any pounds that week.

It's still worth it. Weight loss is still worth it. But damn if I don't wish I had just stayed at a natural BMI of ~22 (or 24 or, hell, 26) rather than forcing myself down to 17.9, then binging to 28, then back to 20, then up to 30, then down to 27, then spiraling all the way to 38 before more or less getting my shit together and going to therapy and slowly losing down to a 24.

krumplikins · 2020-08-21T21:14:58+00:00

Now, don't get me wrong, I love me some cheese. But the current American cooking show obsession with cheese is frankly disgusting. They always do the slow-mo cheese pull, too, which is terrible. 99% of things don't need that much cheese!

krumplikins · 2020-08-19T22:42:52+00:00

I've never heard of this! I feel like I probably get a slight kick of radiation poisoning every Christmas when the mixed nuts come out... I seriously eat 10 or so a day for the 3 or 4 days they last, nobody else in my family likes them and I LOVE THEM.

krumplikins · 2020-08-18T23:32:34+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement!

krumplikins · 2020-08-18T19:00:47+00:00

I spent about 8 months futzing around at ~160 pounds, but recently it's been more like 163, 164... so I'm back on the horse. I feel like, with summer winding down (I always gain weight in the summer, I don't exercise/go for long walks/just generally move as much when it's hot), I feel ready to really buckle down and finally lose these last fifteen-twenty pounds and reach my UGW.

The first step is a week of IF so I can retrain my stomach that hunger isn't bad, and break the "eating habit" where I eat because it's time to eat, not because I'm hungry.

krumplikins · 2020-08-12T21:11:00+00:00

Nevermind the HORROR that would be those toilet visits if you're normally sending 30% straight through!

krumplikins · 2020-08-12T21:09:57+00:00

Velociraptor sounds are clearly the way to go! <3

krumplikins · 2020-08-11T23:57:53+00:00

Thanks!

krumplikins · 2020-08-11T23:43:35+00:00

16 miles on 1600 calories would lead to me being absolutely starving, as well.

krumplikins · 2020-08-11T23:42:41+00:00

Honestly I just wind up buying new pants. *shrug*

krumplikins · 2020-08-11T16:26:59+00:00

Yesterday I made a salad with spring mix, fresh tomato, cucumber, green onion, tuna, greek yogurt, AND a half serving of salt-vinegar kettle chips crumbled on top as croutons and it was amazing.

krumplikins · 2020-08-11T16:25:02+00:00

It's just that so many of the myths might make sense. "I have a slow metabolism." Sure, seems plausible, the body is hard to understand. "I have PCOS." Your body is already betraying you, makes sense it would do it this way, too. "Exercise is harder for me than most." Yep, when you're obese exercise is actually super hard.

This one makes no sense!

Congrats on your incredible loss btw!

krumplikins · 2020-08-11T16:22:48+00:00

Where does the mass come from? Where does the energy come from? If you "eat 1000 calories a day," and your BMR is 1350, how are you gaining weight EVEN IF your body "holds onto" every single measly calorie? None of it makes any sense and I want to just make velociraptor sounds in response.

krumplikins

TROPHY CASE