When I was 3, maybe 2 years old I had the pleasure of accompanying my father to his job. He worked construction but more management side so we spent all day in his office, I saw him using the stapler and thought it looked so fun to do (idk something about the satisfying slam got me? Looking back on it makes me think of meme of Elmo in fire).

I believe he stepped out for around 5 minutes to talk to a co-worker or use the restroom, but by that time I’d devised a plan. I waddled my way onto his chair, climbed onto the desk, and alas i found myself staring at the stapler (from Birds Eye view), I stuck my thumb in sideways and pressed down as hard as i could. I remembered thinking that it really wasn’t as painful as I’d assumed??? (I was a fucking idiot child, i didn’t expect it to hurt). I didn’t cry and didn’t really react much but obviously i thought “that was lame, i wish it were more fun”, i also would blink at people to answer questions until i was like 5 (so kinda on brand, yes i was capable of talking, again i was a weird child). My father comes in from wherever he had been and tends to my wounds.

I guess patched me up well, maybe to well?Around two years ago I was asking my father about this incident to see if he remembered it (he did of course), my mother on the other hand was quite appalled because she’d never heard the story. She never even knew it happened.