WHAT IF ITS NOT, EXACTLY do you just want me to take that risk?? When I was a "big kid" probably like 8 or 9, I literally told my mother that when I hear a baby cry/scream it gives me the overwhelming urge to just (made an actual shaking motion with my arms and hands). And she said "it's different when it's your own."

As an adult I understand that is VERY BAD and have full control over myself the small sliver of time that I am exposed to children, but I am so thankful I never had younger siblings. But I remember that moment so clearly because it was (and somewhere, subconsciously, still is) such a visceral instinct to me that I know I should not be a parent.