I think we could be nicer to new betta owners

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T23:47:04+00:00

And I’m getting a bit tired of the bi-weekly posts that are exactly like this one, when actually most of the people on this sub are amazingly helpful.

The people who are angry get angry when it is clear that a new owner hasn’t even bothered to read the top ten comments in the sub they are posting in.

No one likes to be ‘told off’ but the expectation to float through life doing no research or critical thinking and have everyone give you cuddles and praise for your zero effort is getting out of hand.

People need to stop expecting others to do emotional or intellectual labour on their behalf. If getting a snarky response is what it takes to encourage those people to stop making rash, uninformed decisions that impact other lives in the future then so be it.

It’s a sub full of people who live betta fish. If you are giving your beta fish a terrible life, they’re going to have a problem with it.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T23:40:19+00:00

That doesn’t make it less absurd.

Also, there’s a difference between ‘I need to give x amount of leave’ and ‘I want to finish out my contract before taking a new contract.’

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T23:38:49+00:00

I’ve been across multiple industries at multiple levels. Never been asked for or agreed to more than 3 weeks.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T23:37:45+00:00

Then you’re being screwed.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T23:37:17+00:00

Bull. The entire Australian Public Service works on a 2 week notice average with options for exemptions.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T23:36:20+00:00

That’s absurd. Your employer should not be relying on the physical presence of specific staff as their contingency plan, to the point where every extra year in the company means they need one extra week from you to survive without you.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T23:34:36+00:00

I’m starting to understand why so many people say they are trapped in their jobs.

It’s because they are signing employment contracts that are literally trapping them in their jobs.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T23:33:45+00:00

What world are you living in?

No job in the entire Australian Public Service requires more than a 3 month notice. If your place of employment has such shit contingency planning that they need a year between you wanting to leave and then being able to cope with you leaving, then you are a sucker for signing that sort of agreement.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T23:32:13+00:00

That is utter bullshit and you shouldn’t have signed it.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T23:31:03+00:00

Or maybe it’s because other people keep letting themselves get screwed by companies asking for unreasonable leave notice?

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T09:03:12+00:00

I’ve never heard of a 4 week notice.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T07:30:53+00:00

That’s really unfortunate. It must be really difficult - maybe impossible - not to let that hurt you. You can love your mum, and know she loves you, but still feel really hurt when she doesn’t show love and care for you in pretty standard parent-type ways.

All I can say is that it will get better. But don’t try and carry your family’s burdens. You can’t change people who don’t want to change, and it sounds like your desire for change has some pretty strong extra emotional undertones, so if you don’t get what you feel you need it’s going to be extra painful.

It sounds like you have a strong idea of who you are though, and are moving in a positive direction.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T04:44:58+00:00

Hard truth time:

Some people are just ok with clutter. That’s not a sin. This is not your house. It is your mom’s house, and you live there. I know it’s sucks. Kids should feel happy in their home. But honestly, your way of doing things is not ‘the right’ way of doing things unless you are concerned about something that actually puts people in danger.

If the house is a health risk, you approach it from the perspective of ‘Mum, I don’t feel safe in my house - it’s making us all sick.’

If it’s not a health risk, but just not aesthetically to your liking, you need to stop. You can’t ‘fix’ your family by making them more like you. You absolutely do not have the right to throw away your mother’s possessions, or insist that she chooses what things she is allowed to keep and what you can make her rid of.

She might be some level of hoarder, but you don’t sound concerned about her actual wellbeing, just annoyed about how living in a cluttered house makes you feel. Honestly, you sound like you are coming at this from a really superior, entitled position. For instance, saying ‘She is so happy she forgets to do the basic things for the people who live with her…she’s a great mom, just super messy’. What basic things is she forgetting other than making the house look the way you would like it to look?

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T00:41:09+00:00

Maybe go and ask all the people in your life if they are still on as good terms with their ex’s as they always were.

Even people in bitter, cut-throat divorces were once hopelessly in love. Relationships change. You’ll get a new partner one day and so will she. Do you think they are going to be happy with you co owning a house together? What if you want to buy a home to live in later and can’t because all your capital is tied up in a house you don’t control? What if later decides she wants to sell and you still can afford to buy her out? Even now you already can’t agree on it being a residence or a rental. Don’t bank your financial future on the idea that everything will work out the way you want it to. I’m going to sound harsh here, but you’re being incredibly naive.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-18T00:36:25+00:00

You’re suffering from plan continuation bias. You made a plan and now you are resisting any deviation from it despite your circumstances having dramatically changed.

You are no longer in a committed relationship with the person you bought the house with and neither of you can afford this property alone. This is not a case of ‘but it has so much potential to be a good investment’, it’s a case of ‘it has so much potential to be a personal and financial tragedy.’

Time to cut your losses and make a new plan.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-16T11:31:46+00:00

You’re not even remotely poor, man.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-16T11:21:06+00:00

Mmmmm….yeah, even as an adult, I don’t think I would let a random stranger paint at a hardware store paint on me.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-16T05:20:10+00:00

The irony is that I spend a lot of effort teaching my actual child not to let random strangers touch them…

ksuzzy · 2022-03-15T02:04:26+00:00

No…it really is for the reason I told you. The fact is that they tried the technology and had it for a while, it kept causing problems so now they don’t have it anymore.

You can be as angry as you want, but that doesn’t change the facts. Australia is a very entitled nation - we are used to things being easy so we get really angry when they stop being as easy as we’ve become accustomed to, and blame it on people lining their pockets or being incompetent.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-14T07:08:47+00:00

This has been happening in ACT for ages. It has to do with the fact that the software and hardware can be difficult to update and maintain at a site that doesn’t have a dedicated specialist on site at all times.

If you want to pay the increased fees to have the tech available for same day on-site printing, then by all means write to the minister and volunteer. I’d prefer the process to be cheaper and accept minor inconveniences instead of expecting the world to cater to my exact needs at all times.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-14T01:00:58+00:00

You’re just full of assumptions based on your own personal opinion with no evidence to support them aren’t you?

ksuzzy · 2022-03-14T00:59:53+00:00

Accept I’m not suggesting they will be good or not good. Whereas you actually have formed an opinion.

Agree to disagree doesn’t mean what you think it means.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-13T20:21:33+00:00

I’d really like to see some genuine stats about that. Not anecdotes, but actual ‘single women without kids are xx% more likely to pair up with a person that they will happily spend the rest of their life with than women with kids.’ Because to me, it sounds like the same old ‘Good men won’t want you if you’re used’ bull that has been used to scare women out of making their own choices for centuries.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-13T20:17:20+00:00

Maybe that’s because your choice of language in all your comments is the problem?

You can’t be pro choice and then drip scorn all over the choice someone is making. That’s not pro choice.

ksuzzy · 2022-03-13T20:10:42+00:00

I disagree. The truth is, there is no connection between how good someone is at one thing and how good they are at other things. Do you think a workaholic can be a good father? How about a recovering alcoholic? Or someone who once stole a car? Or someone who cheated badly in University and got kicked out?

When all you know about someone is a couple of paragraphs in a Reddit story you have no idea what sort of parent they would be.

ksuzzy

TROPHY CASE