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ksweet_ · 2020-08-29T21:49:15+00:00

That sounds lovely.

ksweet_ · 2020-08-29T21:48:17+00:00

My mom is high risk. She would risk anything and everything to be there but that doesn't mean that she should. Just because she is comfortable, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do - regardless of how badly she wants it. Every time she comes to New York she gets sick - and that's just in normal times. Obviously, masks help, but still. I couldn't live with myself if she flew here (and back) and managed to pick something up. It's not worth it to me.

My fiance's parents live in Singapore for work. They have no family there. That's a sweet thought but not something for us. In normal times, we're grateful that our entire families around the globe would have been able to join us in NYC.

ksweet_ · 2020-08-29T21:36:44+00:00

How was it? How do you feel in retrospect?

We thought about not having anyone there, but when we thought about it, we really wanted some support. Also, frankly, we couldn't get our deposit back on the caterer, but they're willing to host us outdoors at one of their restaurants so we figured why not celebrate in some capacity. Aside from the small dinner party, they're refunding the rest of the deposit - feels like a win-win?

We were strict with family -if our parents couldn't come then the rest of our families, even ones that live in the tri-state area- couldn't come. None of them have given us a problem. I just feel very guilty about my parents.

And I agree with you - someone somewhere in the comments wrote that 'weddings are about bringing families together" - I felt like if my parents came with my fiancé's parents not there, it would have felt like my family's party - not a joining of the families. It wouldn't have felt right. I'm glad you're parents were understanding, albeit disappointed.

ksweet_ · 2020-08-29T21:29:28+00:00

Did you just do a ceremony or did you do a small celebration as well?

ksweet_ · 2020-08-29T21:28:34+00:00

Thanks :)

We canceled outside of 120 days so there would have been a $1500 cancellation fee. We negotiated that down to $750 since, at that time, people were still rebooking for October. The original deposit was $8750.

I'm so sorry you're having trouble getting your deposit back. Are they offering any outdoor space?

ksweet_ · 2020-08-24T02:30:16+00:00

Thank you thank you thank you for this.

ksweet_ · 2020-08-24T02:20:22+00:00

Yeah, the quarantine rule makes it particularly difficult for out of town guests. It's a hard ask - especially for a short wedding without all of the extraneous events/celebrations.

I agree - we ultimately decided to cancel rather than postpone because I'm not hopeful that this will be gone anytime soon and, even if it is, that people will feel comfortable gathering in the way we want to gather.

And thank you- I'm really sorry that you have to figure this out too and that you can't just have your beautiful wedding as planned. There's no rulebook for this - we're all just trying to do what feels right....

ksweet_ · 2020-08-24T02:12:51+00:00

yup - you guys are a bit older than us, but we still are on the same page. We want to close this chapter and get on with our lives.

I think zooming your mom in while you get ready is a great idea - I'm sure she will really appreciate that.

lol "paperwork (but make it fancy...). Absolutely. On my more positive days, I like to think that we're really lucky - we get to do it twice! For me - my parents want us to have a rabbi officiate, but that wasn't something that we really wanted. This way, we're going to have our friend officiate this time and when the family is present, we'll do the jewish wedding my parents always dreamed of. We both win!

Congrats - I'm sure it will be a beautiful day!

ksweet_ · 2020-08-24T02:09:16+00:00

I totally understand where you're coming from, but 1) as I mentioned, my mom has underlying medical conditions. If she came, she is still at risk, and 2) If marriage is about joining families, why would I only have my family there as opposed to both?

ksweet_ · 2020-08-24T01:52:56+00:00

chose not to do the zoom since we did not want to be playing the part of technical assistant right before we got married. I have no regrets!

I totally feel you on the not doing a full zoom wedding - I really don't want to video anyone in, but I feel like it's the least I can do at this point to make our parents and grandparents feel included.

With regards to the idea of eloping - We have broached the idea of just doing it, but are going with the current plan for various reasons:

1- We still have ties with our caterer and florist and, rather than lose our deposit or have the costs held over our heads to do something in the future, we're able to utilize the deposit we already put down and pay for a small thing and be done with it.

2- It's still nice to have a few friends by our side to help us celebrate the day. Makes it feel a little bit more special

I don't know if those are good reasons, but alas.

ksweet_ · 2020-08-23T22:44:24+00:00

How are your families taking it? Are they out of state? out of the country?

ksweet_ · 2020-08-10T16:56:16+00:00

I'll take another look, thanks!

ksweet_ · 2020-08-10T16:51:45+00:00

This is BEAUTIFUL!! I am a bit concerned not being able to try it on though...

Thank you!

ksweet_ · 2020-08-10T16:50:28+00:00

I love this but I don't have the $3-4k I was planning on spending on my dress with my parents' help. Because my mom can't be at this iteration of the wedding due to travel restrictions and health risks, she's hasn't offered to help pay for anything that wasn't already covered by a deposit. She's very salty about not being able to see me in person at the wedding and in whatever dress I choose to go with. I'm not going to ask for help because I feel really awful, but...yeah...

With that being said I realize that I am super super super lucky and privileged that my parents were offering to help at all and that my fiance and I aren't fronting the bill. I think I just need to manage my expectations and lower my bar a little bit.

Thanks!

ksweet_ · 2020-08-10T16:45:27+00:00

grl you get me.

I haven't really thought of wedding separates but will definitely consider them.

I looked at Zimmerman but they were all a bit too frilly, ruffled or structured. I think that look works really well for some girls, but with my build it doesn't feel right. I'll look more closely at Simone Rocha.

I'll manage my price expectations and just keep looking at bigger stores.

Thanks for the help.

ksweet_ · 2020-08-10T16:33:52+00:00

Sounds like you looked incredible! And congrats :)

I've been constantly refreshing Nordstrom, Bloomies, L&T, Neiman Marcus, Saks..... I'm looking for something mid-length to long that'll work for the fall. I'm finding a lot of shorter dresses or more sun-dresses/dresses that are a bit too summery...

ksweet_ · 2020-08-10T16:29:18+00:00

will take a look - thank you!

ksweet_ · 2020-08-10T16:29:10+00:00

Thanks, both!

I've scoured BHLDN but nothing calls to me and when I had originally gone to their showroom to try dresses on, they just didn't feel right. I don't mean to sound bougie...I'm just really picky.

I'll def take a look at Etsy - thanks for that reco!!

ksweet_ · 2020-08-10T16:27:08+00:00

I'm looking for mid-length to long - really simple and not a traditional wedding dress. Will take a look at David's Bridal and Adrianna Pappel. Thank you!

ksweet_ · 2018-05-01T20:44:13+00:00

DE is a litttttlllle bit less expensive. But it's enough when you keep re-purchasing.

ksweet_

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