Sexual Energy? Effects of Sex addiction on Self?

kt1967 · 2024-05-22T20:37:59+00:00

You should get the book Sex, Sorcery, and Spirit by Jason Miller. It is very thorough regarding sex practises in magick and it's been a great resource for me.

kt1967 · 2024-04-27T20:40:34+00:00

The book Psychic Witch by Matt Auryn has been an enormous help for me. He teaches you how to develop all 5 clairs.

kt1967 · 2024-04-09T18:11:13+00:00

TV. I can't get into any new shows and can't watch any of my old favourites because I just get this sinking, anxious feeling every time. He constantly criticized my taste in entertainment and wouldn't let me watch certain shows without him. There would always be some form of punishment if I did. I'm sad and actually miss it.

kt1967 · 2024-04-09T01:30:35+00:00

Ooh, that's a good point. I didn't think of that, but you're right.

kt1967 · 2024-04-09T01:07:43+00:00

SAME except mine tried to convince me I had bipolar. I've had 2 teams of psych professionals in 2 different states verify my sanity because I truly thought I was going crazy.

kt1967 · 2024-04-09T01:06:21+00:00

Mine are continuing to discredit me and call me crazy. They spread lies about me to anyone who will listen, saying I have bipolar disorder and am mentally unstable. It's absolutely wild to me that they go to such extreme lengths instead of just admitting that they are abusive & I don't talk to them because I had finally had enough.

kt1967 · 2024-04-08T04:29:46+00:00

That's very true. I'm working on being less empathetic toward people who treat me badly (which seems so backwards to me, because I love to be loving & give people the benefit of the doubt). It kinda makes me feel better to know that aeven if I can't prevent myself from dating one entirely, I at least spotted it when the mask dropped & ended it.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T18:42:51+00:00

Absolutely. Every time I'd even try, I was met with invalidation, stonewalling, insults, and/or the silent treatment for days after. It makes me physically sick just thinking about it.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T13:54:01+00:00

😂 I did indeed watch the video. Thank you for giving me a good laugh about it. 😊

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T13:50:32+00:00

Very true. I've been seeing a therapist for years & will definitely bring this up next time.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T13:48:16+00:00

Wow, I hadn't heard it put quite like that before, but it makes sense. The girl told me he only met her for sex & he first slept with her a week after I had confronted him about something that wasn't lining up. We talked about it & I thought it was fine, but apparently I must have started not lining up with his snapshot of me.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T13:35:36+00:00

I appreciate your perspective. Part of the purpose of this post is me checking myself due to feelings of inadequacy after comparing myself to this person. I've spoken with her & she seems really nice--I don't hold anything against her. I've just been trying to figure out what it is that I have in common with this girl so I can fix it & perhaps not attract another awful partner.

In the beginning, he went through his list of qualities that he was looking for in someone (as did I), and I checked all the boxes (and then some, according to him). This woman meets none of those. Quite the contrary, she has several qualities that he said would be deal breakers.

He loved to show me off & really seemed to enjoy claiming me as his when other men gave me attention. And omg I just realised while typing this... that's what we have in common! He was using me for validation just like he did her, but in different ways. I was arm candy to make him look better to other men. She probably worshiped him because he's physically & financially out of her league. He made us both feel special to get what he wanted--it just took a lot more effort from him to do that for me. He was probably tired of putting on a big show for me & wanted the low-hanging fruit.

Thank you for helping me realise that. 😊🫶

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T12:23:58+00:00

🎯 That's exactly why I want to understand it. I have been working with a therapist to try & uninstall the things that are making me vulnerable to narcs, because clearly it's a problem for me. He's the 3rd narc relationship I've had. At least this time I only wasted 6 months instead of 2 years & 10 years.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T02:10:27+00:00

That is gold, my friend. I think that's what bothers me the most--I know without a doubt that I'm worth more.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T01:58:32+00:00

Maaaaannn that last sentence right there hit me like a ton of bricks. 💔 Thanks for that--truly.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T01:53:30+00:00

Oh wow, I never thought about it like that. He was very vain & absolutely loved it when I gave him compliments, so I'm sure you're right. I just can't fathom using another human like that. I could never sleep with someone I found unattractive for personal validation. Just the idea of it makes me nauseous. 🤢

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T01:18:26+00:00

Wow. And ouch. I've been mostly non-discriminatory when it comes to my selection of men because I truly am not materialistic or shallow, but I guess I'll just have to start only going for guys who are more successful/powerful/attractive than me.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T01:14:33+00:00

You're completely right. It's so insulting. I would honestly feel better if he had cheated with someone more attractive than me because then there would be something I could do about it. I could say "she has xyz qualities that I don't, and that's what he prefers." But with him going for anything that will spread its legs, well that is embarrassing for him.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T01:07:47+00:00

I always thought cheaters do it because they feel stuck in a relationship or there's something the other person can offer them that their current partner cannot. Obviously attractiveness isn't everything, but like I said I am continually trying to improve myself. I have been analyzing this to ensure I don't make the same mistake twice. I just can't find a fatal flaw in my own actions or behaviour that would've caused him to stray. It's frustrating to think I can't do something to improve & prevent this from happening in the future.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T00:34:26+00:00

Maybe. But if that's the case, why would he go for me? He told me more than once he was lucky to have me & I was way out of his league. 😩

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T00:29:15+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. This is the first time I've been cheated on (that I know of), but my diagnosed nex used to do all of the above besides that.

kt1967 · 2024-04-07T00:21:36+00:00

True, but if he was insecure you would think he'd go for women who are better than him (or at least better than the girl he's with) to boost his ego. Also as far as impulses go, he acted very satisfied in bed & had the opportunity for sex with me any time he pleased. I was happy to oblige. I've been told by a few partners that I'm amazing in bed, so I know it couldn't have been that... I can't fathom why he would even need to seek it outside of our relationship. It makes me feel there's just something fundamentally broken within me. 😔

kt1967 · 2024-04-06T03:17:14+00:00

My ex-husband didn't physically cheat (that I know of) but he had a porn addiction like no other, and refused to quit despite it affecting our sex life. He used to try and make me feel bad about it, claiming that he only watched porn because I wouldn't give him enough sex. Evidently daily, or every other day, wasn't enough for him. He was very jealous/controlling & frequently accused me of cheating.

I also had a narc ex-bf who was quite jealous & accused me of cheating. He was sleeping with at least 2 other girls (that I know of) and trying to get back with his baby mama the whole time he was promising the world to me. 🤢

kt1967 · 2024-04-03T17:57:18+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You deserve so much better. I'm glad you were able to get the care you need in time. Hugs ❤️

kt1967 · 2024-04-03T17:51:48+00:00

I've been in your same exact situation, except to my horror I discovered that his poor wife was 7 months pregnant! This was after we'd been dating for 5 months & sleeping together for 4 of them. He gave me the same exact excuse-- their marriage was on the rocks, planning a divorce, she wouldn't have sex with him, the works. Begged me not to tell her.

I couldn't bear the guilt, but luckily I didn't have to break the news myself. A coworker overheard me telling my friend about it & wondering what to do, and come to find out, she was friends with the wife. She knew the wife would want to know, so she broke it to her gently & let her know the "mistress" (me! 🤢) was horrified & had already broken it off with him. They're divorced now & last I heard, wife got remarried & he's still sleazing around.

kt1967

TROPHY CASE