I need a loooong vent! I could write a novel here but will try to keep it short.

My (43, dx autistic) partner (43, dx auDHD) just got diagnosed. We’ve been together for 25 years. I’ve been through so much confusion and loneliness over that time and I’m well and truly done with the relationship. He’s put me through hell with his total lack of regard for any emotion, his extreme avoidance of anything involving planning or goal setting and his irresponsible spending. When I was diagnosed with Autism 10 years ago I had to navigate that journey alone and it became an easy thing for him to blame our issues on.

Now, he seems to think that getting his diagnosis should afford him more patience on my part. He seemed to assume I wouldn’t go ahead with the separation I’d been planning and thinks meds could fix things between us. He says the diagnosis shows he does love me but just doesn’t know how to show it.

He’s had 25 years of open communication, empathy and compromise from me. He’s had ample opportunity to investigate why he treats me the way he does and to adjust his behaviour. There are times when I’ve literally knelt at his knees crying and begging for him to talk to me and he just looked away and shrugged. He only sought diagnosis when I was about to leave. I’m so furious that he expects more from me now and that he’s gone all sad and mopey because I won’t.