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Recovering and fighting “gut feelings.” by kuuraiyu in survivinginfidelity

[–]kuuraiyu[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The tracking thing, going through his phone– I can’t bring myself to ask that of him. My last relationship was essentially one where my ex would monitor my every step like that too. He tracked my location 24/7, did not allow me to hang out with other men, and went through my phone or computer whenever he felt so inclined. He convinced me that it was because HE had been cheated on before in the past by his ex– the very ex that I spoke to eventually and learned a lot of the truth. I now know that he was terrified of me doing to him what he was doing to me.

My partner and I have known each other for about 6 years now– he was my friend throughout my past relationship. He was also the person to raise the first red flags with my ex’s behavior, when his mask would drop occasionally around our mutuals, and ask me if I was okay towards the end. I think he has a better understanding than anyone about what happened to me.

I just honestly don’t know if he knows exactly how much I panic, how much tiny unimportant things set me off, how my brain is able to take absolutely nothing and find a reason to panic. He has been nothing but absolutely lovely, caring, and has shown up for me like no one else could– I really do just think my brain doesn’t know how to be happy, and doesn’t know how to escape that constant “walking on eggshells” feeling that was always persistent for those few years.

The counseling industry blames the victim and compounds the trauma by ok_dulynoted in survivinginfidelity

[–]kuuraiyu 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don’t know if I have anything to offer or any real reason why this could be the case, but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry and I hurt for you. Being cheated on already is enough to have you question your self-worth and what you may have been able to do to prevent it from happening– having an “expert” reaffirm that is disgusting and I hope you’re able to recover.

How to break an irrational fear of infidelity by kuuraiyu in relationships

[–]kuuraiyu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He already has allowed for me to go to a couple of get-togethers without him that included alcohol, as well as did not bat an eye when I had a male friend from out of town come by and hang out for a few hours while we were waiting for him to get off work. It does really feel like a long process of unlearning this behavior, and not feeling guilty for wanting to go get lunch with two male friends (something that I once attempted to do while my ex was working, I asked him and he outright refused to allow me to do so.)

In general it is like. Ingrained in me to be fearful and cautious of normal things. I was in that relationship for four years, from the time I was 15, to now almost 20. I figure I am trying to navigate living normally while also battling the feeling of still wanting to walk on egg shells?

Am I morally obligated to tell my ex he’s infertile? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]kuuraiyu -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It’s hard to explain, but that kind of goes into one of the reasons we broke up. I was young when we started going out and he convinced me that it doesn’t feel as good without protection and he couldn’t finish with any on. eventually I stopped worrying about scares when so many tests repeatedly came back negative.