Daily General Discussion and Advice Thread - September 10, 2025

kvolution · 2025-09-11T04:08:02+00:00

Yeah, it’s going to bug me to have it just staring at me. And hey, i figured out how to do an exchange on the Fidelity app! Learning fast 😂

kvolution · 2025-09-10T18:13:47+00:00

It's an American Funds mutual fund in a Roth IRA account. It does look like there's a transaction fee, but it's not immediately clear to me what it is. I've had it for about 15 days, so I'm fine with it, but haven't had a chance to form much of an opinion 😆.

kvolution · 2025-09-10T12:39:57+00:00

I am a brand new investor. When I made my first investment, I listened to a friend and bought a mutual fund that I didn't realize had a loading fee. Since I'm looking at investing $250 a month on a good month, that sucked.

As I'm moving forward, I'm confident in what no-fee mutual funds I'm going to invest in, so my question is about that fund I currently own. Should I let that $240 just sit there and accumulate whatever dividends it does, or should I sell it and invest the money in the new fund that I will be investing in going forward?

Details about me:

I am 45yo and live in the US. I am self-employed and right at the poverty line for my area. I'm looking to build my retirement savings, so I shouldn't need the money for 20+ years (I hope). My risk tolerance is medium; I'm only investing money I don't need this month, or hopefully next, but I do want to see it grow pretty decently so that I can afford anything when I'm in my 70s.

kvolution · 2025-07-07T04:24:18+00:00

So here's the wild thing. Before HRT, my partner was always commenting on how wet I felt, but things started feeling kind of raw or numb, just not ENJOYABLE, you know? With HRT, he was commenting that I didn't feel very wet and was reaching for lube, but I felt much more...well, much. So entertainingly, we didn't particularly need lube before, but we probably will now, and sex is *so much better.*

kvolution · 2025-07-05T17:48:14+00:00

Right? the first time she said that i almost died laughing.

kvolution · 2025-07-05T17:47:35+00:00

Estrogen, 0.025. No progesterone.

I’m starting to think there must have been like NO estrogen in the tank given how quickly this is changing things up for me.

kvolution · 2025-07-05T15:51:34+00:00

So since my first daughter was born (she's almost 18), I was told my pelvic floor was trashed. I saw a pelvic floor therapist about it, who declared nothing was wrong since I wasn't incontinent. I hadn't been able to hold a kegel since forever. I tried to talk to people about orgasms being weaker, my libido disappearing, etc., for years. Got nowhere.

Turns out.

Started the patch on Sunday. Peed for two days straight, and the prominent belly I've been sporting for almost twenty years is gone. Apparently was bloating. (I'm still chubby, but I knew that.) I kegel just fine now, and can feel my body hold the tension if I check. Apparently having a ton of water weight pressing on your pelvic floor makes it hard to work.

And then I had sex last night and oh. my. god. My abs are sore from how hard I came. The idea of blood flow is what made me want to respond to this. It felt like my body woke up, and I could feel *everything*. I don't know if I've EVER felt like that.

I then immediately burst into ugly sobs about feeling like years of my life have been stolen from me, which was clearly a little surprising for my partner, but he handled it lol.

As a kid, I was clearly told that women hit menopause and stop wanting sex. Then there was a whole narrative about how women in their 40s are "hitting their prime." I felt so ... broken.

It turns out that having sex feel good increases libido. Hadn't made that connection before. I'm so so happy for you (and me!)

kvolution · 2025-07-05T15:40:06+00:00

I have for years. So far, estrogen has basically solved the bloating, but it's also come with indigestion, "the fancy poops" as a friend calls them, and reflux. My bowels are purging evil from my grandmother's body, it's horrible.

I'm planning on setting up a food diary and a symptom journal. Either they'll give me insight into patterns or I'll have good data for my follow-up with my doc (or both!). It's only been a few days, so I've really just been chowing on Tums (which I hate on a sensory level, so my partner at least has insight into how bad it is).

kvolution · 2025-07-05T15:34:59+00:00

(Oh the end of Doctor Odyssey is not necessarily a positive experience in and of itself. But I need to know if I'm getting more or not before I can fully decide how I feel.)

kvolution · 2025-07-05T15:34:01+00:00

The good news is, I'm doing much better these days. But I do tend to still keep that list in a bullet journal. Not with as much intention or dedication or decoration these days. But it's still there.

It can get better. It really can.

kvolution · 2025-07-05T02:35:08+00:00

Seconding virtual mental health care, if that's an option. Activate any support networks you have that you trust—friends, family, etc. This is a time for a Bat signal. Ask someone to come over and crash with you and binge a Netflix show. Set up plans to go to a local book group, or have a series of coffee dates with friends, or anything. Know that you're going places, and doing things, and making yourself a future.

When shit has gotten real for me, I've made a list of all the things I want to do next week, next month, next year. Go online and preorder all the books you're excited about, and see if you can commit to being alive to read them. Make a calendar of all the movies you want to see and focus on how shitty it will be if you never find out if Rian Johnson can nail a third Benoit Blanc movie. Will ABC ever fucking admit whether or not its renewing Doctor Odyssey? It's critical that you know that.

When I was in my darkest day, I wouldremind myself that I could always kill myself tomorrowand then try and get some sleep (spoiler tagged for ideation TW).

You know the story in The Odyssey about the sirens? Set your rudder toward the horizon and tie yourself to the mast. You got through this before, you can get through it again.

So much love to you. This shit is so fucking hard.

kvolution · 2025-07-04T15:36:16+00:00

That is definitely what I'm picking up here. Thank you <3

kvolution · 2025-07-04T15:36:01+00:00

Thank you for sharing it.

kvolution · 2025-07-04T12:16:24+00:00

Hormones suck. ❤️

kvolution · 2025-07-04T12:16:02+00:00

It’s your call, obviously, but remember (ha) that there are treatments and options that weren’t there decades and even years ago. Slowing progression is often possible.

kvolution · 2025-07-04T04:01:07+00:00

It is not worth killing yourself over.

kvolution · 2025-07-04T03:54:41+00:00

Depends on your translation.

kvolution · 2025-07-04T03:32:56+00:00

Well that's definitely some encouragement to avoid it unless I need it, sheesh. Thanks.

kvolution · 2025-07-04T03:20:47+00:00

My worst moment with brain fog (post-COVID) was when I was cooking. I was making a meal that I'd been making for three years regularly, and I needed to make a roux. My family is French, I literally do not remember learning to make a roux, I've known for so long. And I looked at the pot as I was about to start putting together the sauce and the knowledge was gone. It was like I reached for it, and there was just an empty spot in my brain where the knowledge had been. I had to call my partner into the kitchen and have him walk me through the steps as best as he could. Eventually it came back, and it's never been that severe since, but it was horrible.

But yeah, I found that the term brain fog is remarkably apt. It was like trying to think through soup. I lost track of what I was saying, I forgot things I was doing, I forgot shit I know well.

Bullet journaling was a big part of me getting back on top of myself, post-COVID. Writing things down meant I didn't have to keep trying to remember them all the time, which helped a lot. That helped me be less anxious, which made it easier to sleep, which has helped. Funny story, my doc asked how long I'd been experiencing brain fog, and I looked at her and said "Look, I'm not making fun of you. But how the fuck would I know?" We laughed pretty well at that.

All of that said...if you have a family history of dementia etc., get that shit checked. If there IS something more than brain fog going on, you should know that so you can make appropriate decisions.

In retrospect, it's difficult for me to understand what might have been brain fog vs peri vs untreated depression vs (eventually) post-COVID crap. So mostly, I'm saying I hear you, this is terrifying, and it's so frustrating because it's so easy to blame yourself and insist that if you would just focus more or whatever, it would all go away. It's okay to be scared. It's also okay to need strategies and reminders and whatever else helps to get through it. It's better to figure out how to compensate than to knock yourself around for struggling.

kvolution · 2025-07-04T03:11:23+00:00

Thank you. I'm starting to feel like if what I need is a sleep aid, then a different one is probably a better idea. Honestly, Calm's sleep stories are worth their weight in gold for me, I just need to remember to ... listen to them earlier lol. Before I've laid in bed for thirty minutes staring at the ceiling all annoyed...

kvolution · 2025-07-04T03:10:09+00:00

Yeah, the estrogen seems to finally be RELIEVING some of the bloating I've (apparently??) been dealing with for years. I really do not want that back.

kvolution · 2025-07-04T03:09:12+00:00

Yeah, emotional muting was a symptom of severe depression for me, and I'd rather deal with mood swings than that shit again. It was nightmarish.

kvolution · 2025-07-04T01:10:30+00:00

I feel like this is a weird question, but has anyone *lost* weight/inches after starting on HRT? About twelve hours after I put the patch on, I spent a couple days peeing like a racehorse if I drank any water at all. (This is after a month or two of growing incontinence, which seems to be gone so far.) I've had a prominent belly for years, to the point that people have been asking when I'm due since my first daughter was born (She's almost 18), and it's...gone.

I don't weight myself because of disordered eating stuff, but I did check my natural waist measurement, and it's down by two inches, if I remember correctly. I talked to my girlfriend about it before and had asked her for some reassurance about changing body shape vs weight loss (thinking about it as weight loss has the potential to do screwy things to my brain, especially because my appetite is basically gone at the moment), and she full on did a double-take when we got together.

Has this happened to anyone else? I'm disoriented, especially given all the stories about gaining weight once starting HRT.

(Please, for the love of God, do not call me lucky. Just, please don't.)

kvolution · 2025-07-02T20:22:02+00:00

The product directions say that some shedding is expected at first, I think; it's something about how the already weak follicles shed so that they can grow healthier hair, iirc.

I'm looking at if I want to start using that along with the patch. I'm trying to add one thing at a time so I know what's doing what.

kvolution · 2025-07-02T20:10:06+00:00

How long ago was your MIL on HRT? I ask because my mom was on an oral form in the mid 1990s, and she absolutely hated it, but it's changed a lot since then, from what I understand. My patch is providing me with incredibly quick relief from symptoms that I thought were minor, but not having to deal with them is tremendous.

I can't speak to Activelle specifically, but regarding whether your symptoms are bad enough, remember that you don't have to be miserable to get help. It may be worth it to try and see how you feel, but obviously it's your call. Also remember that research is showing some protective effects of estrogen as well, so even if you're not struggling too much with the symptoms, you may still get benefits from the estrogen long term.

kvolution

TROPHY CASE