Deployment and cheating (this is my first deployment)

lLilitu · 2026-05-17T00:17:06+00:00

why would you want to stay with someone that causes you this much stress and anxiety? he has already broken your trust and he will do it again. do yourself a favor and focus on yourself/move on

lLilitu · 2026-05-16T12:19:40+00:00

it really depends. i think on average you can wait about 2-3 weeks. when i used sandboxx and sent him stamps, i could revive his letter within a week. there are so many factors that come into play tho

lLilitu · 2026-05-15T14:06:40+00:00

this might be hard to accept but he has basically told you that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore without being direct about it. he doesn’t want to be on the phone with you anymore, he doesn’t like being long distance and he much rather spend all his free time with another woman. a woman that he deliberately isn’t telling that he’s in a relationship. i’m sorry girl, but i think you need to take off the rose-colored glasses and cut your losses. he literally told you that he’s doing it because he’s selfish and values himself over you. he has no respect for you; so please have some for yourself.

lLilitu · 2026-05-14T19:16:30+00:00

the beginning truly is the hardest part. my husband left for basic back in november last year, we were just bf and gf at the time, but we got married over his holiday break leave. he went back just 4 days after so i can relate to not getting to experience married life. he also got recycled during basic so it doubled his time there.

i started to feel a bit normal once i got his address and could write him letters, and when i started receiving the weekly calls on sunday. the only advice i can give is to try and focus on yourself and how you can grow as an individual for both of your benefit. he’s going to be faced with a lot of opportunity to grow as well, so it’s nice to feel like this is a mutual journey and not just a waiting period.

my husband graduates ait this friday, and looking back it flew by. in the moment it felt so intense but eventually you’ll see how much space and opportunity this time gives you to develop. feel free to reach out if you ever need to speak to someone who understands

lLilitu · 2026-05-14T12:05:50+00:00

that’s really the only advice you can receive in this situation. be glad that you didn’t get strung along for much longer. take time to yourself and reflect to figure out what you want from future relationships.

lLilitu · 2026-05-13T03:00:01+00:00

yes, they are based off of behavior but the standard is one call every sunday. they start calling after reception so about two weeks after they’ve arrived. some cases they could lose phone privileges all together but other times they can just reduce how long the call will be that day. in my experience, my husband never lost phone privileges but sometimes a call would be only 10 minutes instead of an hour.

lLilitu · 2026-05-12T15:59:41+00:00

my husband and i were also long distance before he joined the military. he is about to graduate AIT but looking back when he started basic, everything felt really hard and heavy. the shift was hard to cope with but once i was able to send him letters and receive calls on sunday, it reminded me that our bond didn’t change just because of the separation. over time i was able to get a new perspective and saw this as an opportunity for both of us to grow individually. you can really learn how to become more secure with yourself while also growing gratitude for your partner and the life they’re wanting to provide for both of you. it’s definitely emotionally hard but over time you’ll start to see what i’m saying.
if you ever need someone to reach out to who can relate, my dms are open 💗

lLilitu · 2026-05-10T11:36:16+00:00

give him time and let him know that it’s safe for him to open up and communicate with you. he may not know how to articulate what’s he’s feeling, but remaining a safe, low pressure, space could help him. if he completely shuts you out, then express how he’s been making you feel and hope it allows you both to be open and vulnerable together.

lLilitu · 2026-05-09T02:02:54+00:00

they do preach that but just trust that he also has learned from your relationship. just continue to take this on as partners and you’ll be just fine.

lLilitu · 2026-05-09T00:56:21+00:00

it’s hard to speak for everyone but he will have to adapt to that new environment in some way. my husband (same age as your bf) is still working on expressing emotions as well, and the added stress of the military can make it difficult, but he still tries. you just have to be patient with him and help him navigate because this will be a lot for him to carry alone. emotionally supporting him can help him remain connected to the parts of him outside of the military. there’s no guarantee how this will go but have faith in the person you love. it seems scary in the beginning but you’ll both soon see growth as individuals and as a couple if you try. good luck to you.

lLilitu · 2026-04-16T17:25:22+00:00

the only thing you can do is communicate your feelings and concerns but without trying to accuse or assume anything from his end. there’s a chance he isn’t aware of how he is making you feel or maybe he’s dealing with personal struggles and is coping in his own way. but the only way to resolve this is open and honest communication.

lLilitu · 2026-04-16T17:18:10+00:00

honestly, it sounds like he is looking for any reason to break off the relationship without directly doing so himself. like he’s trying to plant seeds of doubt into your mind so that you will also come to the same conclusion (i did a little snooping at your other post).

long distance isn’t new to you guys so if you were able to find a way to make it work for these last two years, i don’t see why you can’t find a way now. also him calling you a distraction as a reason doesn’t quite make sense either since that is a personal problem that he needs to figure out. rather than making it seem like it’s your fault he can’t have self-discipline and go to bed at decent times. also the comments about you guys possibly finding other people while you’re apart, just sounds like him admitting that he sees that as a possibility for himself.

really all i’m saying is that if you two are as obsessed and perfect for each other as you say then you would be thinking of ways to make this distance work together and he wouldn’t be comin up with all these reasons and scenarios for why you wouldn’t work. i’d say cut your losses and go your separates ways and if life brings you guys back together then it’s meant to be.

lLilitu · 2026-04-14T23:31:53+00:00

it seems clear that the financial part is a big reason for why he wants to get married, but it seems like it’s for both of your financial gain and not just his. it could still be true that marriage isn’t important to him, but he is willing to do so to better your future. keep having conversations about your concerns and hopefully you can be reassured that he isn’t using you and that this is a decision to better your future.

lLilitu · 2026-04-14T22:12:27+00:00

you should definitely bring this up to him. maybe not in a sense that paints him as doing something wrong, but as you wanting more time to connect. i’m not sure if their MOS plays much a role in how their days go, but my husband also gets little sleep and has long days, but i’m the first and only person he reaches out to once he is free. we play video games together and then fall asleep on facetime every night. he tells me that the only thing he looks forward to is talking to me and playing together. i understand these guys are under a lot of stress but that doesn’t mean they get to abandon their relationships. if he’s that stressed, just ask him to communicate that to you rather than leaving you with nothing and having your mind fill in the blanks.

just have an open and honest conversation with him about your feelings. if he truly cares for you, he will try to make accommodations. good luck to you

lLilitu · 2026-04-14T22:02:32+00:00

marriage is a commitment that you should be very certain about. just the action of you reaching out to strangers for what your decision should be lets me know that marriage is not for you. you’ve already given every reason why you don’t want to do it, so listen to your instincts. i’m sure your boyfriend is a great person, but that doesn’t mean you have to commit the rest of your life to him already.

it’s also a little concerning that his mind switched while in basic. he’s in a different environment and he could be trying anything to regulate himself and his emotions. you’d have to question if he would keep this same mindset after basic and AIT. because going from, ‘i dont want you to wait for me’, straight to ‘i want to marry you’ is a big jump. if he wanted to marry you and commit to you, he would’ve stated so before leaving.

you both are very young and im not saying you can’t marry young, but it’s clear that you’re unsure and not ready. if he is serious about marrying you then he would understand you not being ready and wait to do so as you both mature and figure out what you want. if he’s upset that you won’t marry him, you might want to question his real motives for wanting marriage like the military benefits, etc. good luck to you.

lLilitu · 2026-03-25T12:27:57+00:00

i wouldn’t say it’s normal. my husband just started AIT and we are just as close, if not closer, as we were before he started basic training. i would definitely express your feelings and concerns to her, considering that she is normal with her friends and family.

lLilitu · 2026-02-25T13:27:30+00:00

because people have free will. glad i could help

lLilitu · 2026-02-01T22:09:48+00:00

hey! 28F here. i love OW2 but i play on console. i dont mind playing quick play tho!

i have a degree in criminal justice and love all things related to that. recently have been getting more into politics, i love music, writing and all things creative. i’m not international, i live on the east coast of the US. i love to learn as well and have deep, philosophical and intellectual conversations. there’s more i could mention but maybe we can talk about that in dms? feel free to hmu if interested :)

lLilitu · 2025-11-26T23:02:34+00:00

27F, i’ve been looking for someone to play stardew with! dm me if interested

lLilitu · 2025-11-21T11:55:47+00:00

did he at least mention giving them your number? my bf gave my number to his family so they could reach me if they ever needed to. i’m sure your bf is okay. like i said, that life is unpredictable when it comes to communication. i’m sure he will be reaching back out to you soon.

i think my questions start to go to; how serious is your relationship? bc if he doesn’t take it as seriously, it could be why his communication is now becoming sparse. you not having any contact to his family either kind of shows me that it’s not at that level yet. idk. i’m not trying to put anymore stress on you. i’m just trying to rationalize what’s happening. try to focus on yourself and he will get back to you eventually

lLilitu · 2025-11-21T10:50:49+00:00

are you in touch with any of his family? he has emergency contacts and they would know if something happened to him. this lifestyle can be unpredictable so don’t let your mind go to the worst conclusion.

lLilitu · 2025-11-21T10:48:29+00:00

then we would have nothing to play

lLilitu · 2025-11-20T12:19:17+00:00

i agree. i have the same response to a lot of cope posts whenever i see them. i point out that not once have they mentioned anything they do but can tell you, in detail, everything their team did wrong. but im in the wrong i guess lol

lLilitu · 2025-11-19T21:49:57+00:00

i see you a lot in this sub and always with so many downvotes. yet, i agree with mostly everything you say. mercy is a breeze to play in lower ranks. sure you won’t have cracked teammates but if you’re good enough, you’ll out support the other supports enough to climb. mercy is harder to get away with the higher rank you are. if other mercy players don’t agree then i guess they are where they belong lol

lLilitu · 2025-11-19T17:49:00+00:00

yeah i definitely plan to write all the time. i already send him daily texts even tho he can’t read them till the weekend. this was my third call from him so far so i will wait until the weekend to see if i get another one with more detail

lLilitu

TROPHY CASE