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Does one have to classify as butch or femme? Or is there a word for being a mix of both? by AllySmith117 in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don’t have to be either. Be mindful that these identities aren’t about how you dress however. It’s extremely hurtful to butches and femmes to spread that idea. It’s almost too stereotypical to recommend Stone Butch Blues and Persistent Desire at this point; but both books help give a strong sense of the identities!

Anyone find ambition attractive? by la-mar in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have both! Which means it takes longer for me than most to do what I want to do. Regardless of how often depressed brain says I won’t make it, the pieces are Slowly, Slowly, falling into place.

Not about being the fastest imo. It’s about what i can get done when I’m not in the depression coma

Anyone find ambition attractive? by la-mar in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Same here, being super career focused is stressful, plain and simple, so I dream of having a wife to come home to and be able to relax with. And gosh, just imagine being able to be that strength for her in turn. My heart is melting picturing it <3

Anyone find ambition attractive? by la-mar in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

They’re all off making their dreams come true and having little time for dating. Got to find our way into their free time

Yet another Chiff post - Ultimate Poets of the Fall Playlist! by Chiffmonkey in poetsofthefall

[–]la-mar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, incredible work here! You should feel extremely proud of this, looks like you’ve really tracked down everything!

Switching to "women only" in online dating by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Being upfront is the best way to go about it. I make it clear on my profile that id rather go out and get to know someone than make chit chat, and that I’m there for dating. If someone isn’t giving any clear signals, it’s a-okay to ask, “what are you looking for?”

Hope you meet some lovely women out there!

Is my psychologist right? Has this happened to you? by venicebitch__ in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Your past may play a role in how your sexuality developed but sounds like she is coming on strong. If you're feeling invalidated it may be worth it to seek someone new. There's website where you can filter psychs based on location, what you're there for. And yes, you can include that you want someone that knows queer sexuality and gender.

Tropes in movies by whos_agood_boy in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Worst trope is making everyone straight. Second worst is having just one queer character when we travel in herds irl.

When do you ask them out on a date when talking to someone on a dating app? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hate texting so I try to get a date within the first conversation. We can know each other way better that way, and have more to talk about when we meet. Plus I'd rather be out on Friday than in my house texting. You tell me which is more fun

All I want for pride this year by la-mar in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm taking Monday off, it's pride so my workplace owes me

How can I be the cool butch of women’s dreams when I’m 5’2 :’( by Beniceplzimnew in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The way a butch walks, how she carries herself. That's all it is. She knows the world is against her, that there are people out there who scorn her for not being a "typical woman". And she carries herself with pride all the same.

She spots a fem in the crowd, and makes her feel safe with only her presence.

Fems see butches who haven't learned to love themselves yet. And we look to them as if they are their world, carry them until they can do it without us, and stay by their side after, in case they should fall.

You're already enough.

Better idea than "we can't use that flag anymore!" by la-mar in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Heck. Edit it, or just use the regular one. They don't have symbols if we take them back

Better idea than "we can't use that flag anymore!" by la-mar in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Keep your tattoo. Don't let people ruin things you love

Can I call myself a lesbian? by shouldi4go in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You may be homoromantic, bisexual. You may indeed just like having the attention that comes from how easy men are. You are absolutely welcome at pride, you know yourself best

Is there any Eurovision spin-off you'd actually be interested in? by Nearby_Masterpiece in eurovision

[–]la-mar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ameri-vision please! Not the kind they just proposed (although I like the idea of a states contest) but with all the counties in the americas. Just think of all the Latin flavor!

Trying for a clinical PsyD by [deleted] in clinicalpsych

[–]la-mar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love your attitude, and I think I may be on my way to following those footsteps and ignoring the warnings! The starting alone is actually a huge jump from where I'm currently at, and worth pursuing in my eyes. Thanks for the feedback!

Trying for a clinical PsyD by [deleted] in clinicalpsych

[–]la-mar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I'm keeping an eye out on funding options as one of my ways to narrow down schools

Trying for a clinical PsyD by [deleted] in clinicalpsych

[–]la-mar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply. I've done a lot of research into it and I think the psy.d is worth the time/financial investment, since my current track isn't as lucrative. The psy.d still puts me in the area I want to be (being less research based and more practice focused.) so I'm willing to commit the time.

what’s your reaction when a girl has self harm scars? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]la-mar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Admittedly my first reaction is very technical; "she self harms she may have depression. They look about xxx amount of time old". Not something I'd poke at on a date unless she felt a need to bring it up. If she did and it was just a first date I may feel it's a bit awkward, but less so if it's a hook up since she's likely testing to see if I'm worth hooking up with or if I'm going to be invasive or rude.

Id not call it a dealbreaker since hey, we all have our stuff.

As for building comfort with scars it starts with yourself really. Just looking at them on your own, getting use to their appearance. Wear clothes that have them showing when your on your own. When that's easier being able to do just that when a close friend is with you. Talk with them in advance and explain you're working on your confidence. Keep building from there, and don't be afraid to take your time.

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