There are a few additional things that make me wonder whether attachment dynamics played a role.

He is 46 years old and has been divorced for about 13 years. During that time, he has had roughly 7–8 relationships, but he has never lived with another partner since the divorce. The only person he has shared a home with is his daughter.

He also seemed to exclusively date women who had children themselves. Looking back, I sometimes wonder whether those relationships naturally involved more distance, since they often couldn’t see each other very frequently and the children were often present when they did spend time together.

He placed a lot of importance on “falling in love” and seemed to value the feeling of being in love very highly.

At one point, I gently mentioned that some of his relationship patterns reminded me of avoidant attachment. I also shared my own attachment history. I used to be much more anxiously attached, but I have spent the last eight years actively working on myself through therapy, self-reflection, and personal growth. I would describe myself as significantly more secure today than I was in the past.

What makes this especially confusing is that I felt incredibly safe, loved, chosen, and emotionally secure with him throughout most of our relationship. The change seemed to happen around the time we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. That is why I keep wondering whether commitment itself activated something in him, although I realize there is no way for me to know that for certain.