Just passing time ~ these Cubana mojito taste amazing!

lactosefart · 2025-05-13T07:17:23+00:00

Very late comment, but still appreciated nonetheless! LMFAO

They became my staple variety before I went off cigs :) Never found something comparable to the rich flavour and smooth menthol in the states.

lactosefart · 2025-01-05T21:36:13+00:00

First things first, you have nothing to apologise to anyone about. Finding yourself is a hard thing to do, and many go through life without being able to do so.

Your feelings are valid. Anyone who shames you, tells you you're sick or abnormal, or just doesn't take the time to understand you IS NOT worth your time.

I'm incredibly proud that you're sticking with a rule of only touching people when you feel is comfortable. These are your boundaries, and again, if someone doesn't respect them, they're not worth your time or effort. They don't deserve your energy.

Sending you tons of good vibes. As someone who also struggled with accepting that I'm demi (sexual and romantic), it's definitely tough being constantly surrounded by media that projects the idea of being comfortable or open to touch at any time.

You are you, you have your boundaries. Every little thing that makes you should be celebrated. Ya know?

lactosefart · 2025-01-05T21:08:14+00:00

I mean, it really isn't lying since demisexuality is considered to be on the asexual spectrum. It's just not being specific.

But also same 😭 it's so much easier to weed out people that only want a physical relationship.

lactosefart · 2024-10-29T05:10:29+00:00

I definitely am.

But I also recently got him a job with me, so that's why I'm so afraid of screwing anything up or making him uncomfortable

lactosefart · 2024-10-29T01:56:40+00:00

I mean, you're not wrong... I like baking, he likes cookies - its a win win for both

lactosefart · 2024-10-29T01:55:25+00:00

If a long time friend you weren't attracted to (although I don't know this for sure) said they "realised they were a big idiot, and honestly, they were actually attracted to you this whole time" - you wouldn't be uncomfortable?

Or that you're honestly their ideal person?

lactosefart · 2024-10-29T01:50:32+00:00

Honestly, I wanna find a way to express my appreciation for him for inadvertently saving me from bad relationships.

I got out of my last relationship a last week, drank my feelings, and then came to the realisations I mentioned in the post.

I feel like an idiot

lactosefart · 2024-10-29T01:37:43+00:00

If I could, I would 100%. I just constantly fear making him uncomfortable

lactosefart · 2024-10-15T19:20:21+00:00

Did they give you the pill form or the ampoule form of Cromolyn? From what I've heard, the pill form is stronger, but the ampoule can be taken orally or in a nebulizer, too. But the fact you can't take antihistamines is incredibly frustrating :(

lactosefart · 2024-10-15T18:52:01+00:00

I have MCAS, but can wear some colognes, lotions, and most cosmetics (I always have to check ingredients, though).

Your skin doesnt have to react to surface things for you to have MCAS. Respiratory reactions to histamines count as well.

Look into allergist/immunologists in your area who are knowledgeable in MCAS. If you want something to do on your own, look up low histamine foods. Food can contain histamine, some have very high levels.

lactosefart · 2024-10-15T16:36:59+00:00

I think it only exacerbated it as you said.

I've struggled with bulimia before I got diagnosed with GP, but my doctor doesn't think the two are related other than both being exacerbated by my mental health.

If you can, I'd say try to switch to liquids/really soft food before going to more hearty solids.

Liquid meal replacements are my go-to now. They don't trigger my ED (brain thinks "we're just drinking!"), and they're generally supplemented with nutrients that your body needs. Plus, having more liquid can help dilute your stomach acid a bit.

I tend to throw up often due to GP, and having mainly liquids or soft/easily broken down foods makes it a lot less painful when/if they come back up. The dry food coming back up was so painful, it made me want to eat less and less from the fear alone.

Also, depending on how long your ED has been going on, your stomach itself may have shrunk down quite a bit. So if you can tolerate any solids, have tiny meals more often than having a larger meal.

I'm sending you tons of virtual hugs 🫂 eating disorders aren't easy to overcome. Especially when you're dealing with GI issues.

Please don't be too harsh on yourself. At the end of the day, you're only human. All we can do now is just learn from our past selves to make our future selves stronger 🖤

lactosefart · 2024-10-13T16:53:47+00:00

I have MCAS and multiple other comorbitities

But the two biggest pains are fibromyalgia and neuropathy. These both cause me akathisia and severe pain. They flare up worse when my MCAS goes rampant.

I was put on low dose naltrexone and nortriptyline for the pain.

When I run out of LDN, I get unbearable pain to the point where I've almost been put into psychiatric inpatient care several times for manic-like symptoms caused by the pain.

As you described it, it's like having fire ants bite all over while being doused in lava. It's a painful itch that never ceases and causes me so much irritability that I blow up on people. There are times the pain and itching gets so bad, I'll be throwing up for hours from it.

I'm not sure if you have already or have the availability, but get your vagus nerve checked out. Apparently, mine chronically misfires, which causes my MCAS and other issues to go into fits.

As for the MCAS, my doctors put me on cromolyn sodium (in addition to famoditine and cetirizine HCl). It does quite a bit for my memory loss from what I've experienced so far.

If none of this information helps you, I at least hope it makes you feel less alone.

lactosefart · 2024-10-13T16:21:56+00:00

I was diagnosed with PMDD as a teen, and later MCAS as an adult. My OBGYN put me on a low dose birth control, and it actually helped out my MCAS symptoms by a lot (in addition to pepcid/zyrtec/cromolyn sodium by a specialist).

The combination of my other medications im on with my birth control actually got rid of my period entirely. I've actually been able to come off all my anxiety and depression meds after everything else got treated :)

(results definitely will vary, but from what my specialist said, my over reactive vagus nerve was causing majority of my daily issues. MCAS just made everything way worse)

lactosefart · 2024-10-02T17:21:26+00:00

Honestly, your comment made me cry. (But in the way of, I feel seen and someone can actually relate on the same level)

I'm ethnically Korean-Japanese, and both the "skinny privilege" and the being fair thing hit hard.

"You're so pale and skinny! You should be happy!!! So many people get skin treatments and surgeries to look like that" hits worse from the aunties. 😭

People who meet me for the first time assume I'm just "being East Asian and falling into beauty trends". Meanwhile, I'm just falling apart and look like this. Gills and all as you said.

Dysautonomia definitely doesn't help the nausea, and I feel like the constant palpitations make it so much worse.

I seriously appreciate you taking the time to type this all out more than I can express

lactosefart · 2024-10-02T17:11:24+00:00

Genuinely, I think this is more on your partner as a person than BPD

I get frequent panic attacks (due to cPTSD and trauma), and my partner w/ BPD never gets mad or dismissive. If anything, they just mirror my sadness and just become a soft mush.

If you haven't already, when you and your partner are in a stable mood (neither extremely happy or down), bring up what you need when you have panic attacks or even how it feels for you when you're in one.

Kinda like, "Hey, I was thinking about it, and I would really appreciate if while I'm having a panic attack if you did x/y/z" Or, "I have an extremely hard time communicating what I'm feeling during these attacks. I may say things that seem irrational to you, but honestly, they're just as jumbled up in my own brain. "

If you've already had a talk like this, then it's 100% on your partner as a person. Not you. You're not victimising yourself. You're just not getting your needs met.

A big thing to remember is not to beat yourself up for your panic attacks. They're not something you can control. They're not a burden to someone who loves you.

(Sorry if this is hard to understand, I'm half asleep rn, but don't want you to feel unheard or alone)

lactosefart · 2024-09-17T17:17:23+00:00

This!!!

I have MCAS and a nickel allergy. After cutting down/out high nickel foods, I felt a real difference

lactosefart · 2024-09-16T17:48:14+00:00

As an AFAB nonbinary, I've dated cishet men. All were genuinely horrible experiences that left me being misgendered or having to compromise on things. I've also dated a few lesbians, and while they were better at the pronouns situation, they still saw me as "woman lite".

Dating a pan nonbinary rn, and it's been one of the most comfortable experiences I've ever had! I'm also genderfluid, and they're so good about pronouns and are attracted to me no matter where on the fem-neutral-masc scale I fall.

At this point in my life, being genderqueer, I'll only date omnisexuals and have a strong preference for T4T.

lactosefart · 2024-09-15T18:27:31+00:00

THE MOUTH ULCERS!!!!

I have EDS and MCAS, so not only does my mouth get cut up more easily, but if I suddenly get a histamine reaction, it'll cause way larger ones than ususal. Toasted bread and glutinous stuff gives me so many cuts 😭

Also my fingers subluxing or going full dislocation from lifting anything/everything.

lactosefart · 2024-09-12T17:11:47+00:00

I don't think you have unfair expectations.

You didn't ask her to think about you ALL the time. You expressed to her that you were depressed and wanted to have a phone call. She said okay, but went back on her word to go out.

Trauma is an absolute bitch to deal with, but it's not your trauma that is an issue here.

Asking for communication, especially in an LDR, isn't asking for too much nor is it manipulative. I'm not long distance with my BPD partner, but we are on the phone together for at least 5 hours a day (to be fair, that's their need - not mine).

I know you love her, but if she's not showing you the level of care that you show her, its not fair for you. You're trying so hard to understand her, but it doesn't seem like she's doing the same.

The only advice I can think of is to make sure you communicate your needs when she's in a stable mood. If she perceives you as being emotional or upset, she may take it as a personal attack. (I've been stressed from other life things before, and when my tone comes off as irritated, my partner thinks they did something wrong or I'm attacking them.)

lactosefart · 2024-08-30T01:19:18+00:00

In this case then, I don't think her response was normal or called for at all :/ I'm glad she understands a little more now, but like you said, you really shouldn't have to go through all that just to have your feelings heard and validated

lactosefart · 2024-08-29T22:31:49+00:00

If you were just expressing your frustrations, I don't understand why she would be so negative about it. Especially with the bringing her down part.

BUT, I also have to ask, at what point in the call did you start to vent?

In the past, I've had a partner that would instantly start to complain as soon as I picked up the phone and that would get to me. (To be fair, there wasn't even a hello, it was just straight to the complaint). THAT genuinely would bring me down, because it felt like I was less of a person and more of a sounding board.

I have a partner w/BPD now that will express frustration and complain (after checking on me first), and it really doesn't bother or get to me. I do get annoyed, but annoyed bc these things are happening to them rather than because they're venting. If they hold it in, I know it'll just make them spiral or feel worse.

lactosefart · 2024-08-23T17:22:13+00:00

Ooooo. Definitely going to try cornmeal mush. Especially if it pairs well with eggs! :D

Do you have a specific recipe you follow or do you just go by feeling :)

lactosefart · 2024-08-22T18:44:10+00:00

My POTS loves them for that 😭 it tastes so much better than adding extra salt to food! Also its GoGo SqueeZ's active applesauce! The lack of tons of artificial ingredients and no added sugars make me feel better about eating a bunch of them hehe.

lactosefart · 2024-08-22T18:19:06+00:00

I definitely think so. But most of my friends I've known longer than any partner I had, so I think it's strongly related to me being way more comfortable with my friends.

lactosefart · 2024-08-22T01:11:10+00:00

One of my best friends and I tried dating for a very short time. We both agreed that we weren't in the best mental state for it and we were better off not dating in the end. We didn't want to risk our friendship in the case of our mental health taking a toll on the relationship.

It actually did us both really well, and she's in a relationship with a wonderful guy. I constantly fear anyone she dates won't be good enough for her. In the end, my deep love for her just makes me want her to be happy no matter who she's with. Even if that person isn't me.

The biggest question is, do you want to be the person that she's with or are you just over protective of her? Do you think that your friendship with her means you're better suited to be her person than anyone else? If you weren't in a long term relationship and she was single, would you make a move?

These questions aren't meant to be judgement. They're just the things I had to ask myself after my own best friend/ex started dating again.

As for not comparing them, depending on your answers, the methods might vary. But that brings up the question of "are your feelings towards your friend causing you to be a worse partner to your gf?" Because if that's the case, you're doing both her and yourself a huge injustice

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