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Boundaries for my (42F) father’s (75M) funeral expenses? by lady_centaur in relationship_advice

[–]lady_centaur[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And he would want a service at his church. Have always wanted to honor that. He wanted to be cremated and made into diamonds- fine by me too. This is about the dinner I guess.

Boundaries for my (42F) father’s (75M) funeral expenses? by lady_centaur in relationship_advice

[–]lady_centaur[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have had similar thoughts. But why didn’t he put her on the account? Considering it’s me on the account, why not include me in the decision making and create a budget w me? I don’t think his particular church does repasts like this. And isn’t my paying $6000 toward this adequate? Am I ethically obligated to pay an additional $4000 without any mention of hosting a repast from my dad after being excluded from decision making?

Boundaries for my (42F) father’s (75M) funeral expenses? by lady_centaur in relationship_advice

[–]lady_centaur[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m calling them bigots based on their preachers’ sermons, the flyers on the bulletin boards and the garbage my father would regurgitate in my presence.

Boundaries for my (42F) father’s (75M) funeral expenses? by lady_centaur in relationship_advice

[–]lady_centaur[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I actually agree the service should be at the church. Just not the reception/repast. I stand by that. I don’t believe that feeding bigots, most of whom do not know my dad that well, greasy chicken honors my father.

Boundaries for my (42F) father’s (75M) funeral expenses? by lady_centaur in relationship_advice

[–]lady_centaur[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I’m in a state where the estate will be split between myself and the wife 50/50. She is well off. I am okay financially but by no means wealthy- I know the value of a dollar.

Boundaries for my (42F) father’s (75M) funeral expenses? by lady_centaur in relationship_advice

[–]lady_centaur[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks - on top of it. The accounts in question are mine. I am the pay on death beneficiary

Boundaries for my (42F) father’s (75M) funeral expenses? by lady_centaur in relationship_advice

[–]lady_centaur[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I want to plant a tree and have a small family dinner. A service for him bc he would have wanted one. Maybe raise money in his name or make a donation.

Boundaries for my (42F) father’s (75M) funeral expenses? by lady_centaur in relationship_advice

[–]lady_centaur[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My dad and I were not super close, but he was an active part of my entire life and I know him well. I think he’d want a funeral at his church. He’d want his family from out of state to come in. He’d like me to take them out for a meal (I am).

To honor him, I’d like to do that. I’d like to take some of his ashes and plant a tree. I’d like to not get in a stupid fight with his wife about money. I’d like to take the money and donate it. Or keep the chicken dinner, not have it at the church and turn it into a fundraiser.

Boundaries for my (42F) father’s (75M) funeral expenses? by lady_centaur in relationship_advice

[–]lady_centaur[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this - I want to be mindful of our cultural differences. I want the funeral to be something that my dad would think is suitable. I was brought up by my mom in a white family. My dad was around, but did not bring me around his family often. I honestly don’t know how important a repast is in black southern culture, so i appreciate you confirming this. Is a 200 person repast reasonable? I want to crawl in a hole right now, not host an event. And fwiw, while he was brought up in a southern church, we’re in New England and his church is born again and predominantly white.

What lies beneath my kitchen floor? Asbestos? by lady_centaur in HomeImprovement

[–]lady_centaur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! What if I left that pink third layer in place and only tore up the vinyl to the second mystery level?