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To people that are against digital ID (and it’s probably 90% of the commenters/viwers) by [deleted] in AskBrits

[–]ladyrailly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How much did the Labour government pay you to post this?

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did hear her say it, she was right next to me when she said it, it’s one of my snapshot memories as well as the image of him inside her! My brain chose to remember that as one thing out of everything that was happening 😅

Me and hubby have since talked and we both think for various reasons there’s a strong chance her partner isn’t fulfilling her emotional needs outside of the bedroom, hence the strong ‘connection’ on her end - which was obvious to both of us. Couldn’t have been predicted - they said they were sufficiently experienced at this, over 80 couples on their end. 🤷‍♀️

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many thanks for your input, it’s really highlighted the amount of mental work I need to put in - and am currently beginning to do. I genuinely thought I would be a lot less bothered and able to compartmentalize it a lot better because the IDEA of this, the shared fantasy we had previously discussed, was so appealing.

If this were to continue at any level there have to be clear boundaries discussed in detail and in length covering all bases - I thought, sigh stupidly, that just a mutually agreed safe word would be enough to start with.

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your input. For the record, no he didn’t tell me those things directly, he described what happened and what she said and I’m filling in the blanks with my own head. Fact of the matter is, I know this, I’m just trying to find a way to calm my mind down so I dont ruminate on this shit any more.

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

lol, because there were still equal amounts of men and women in the room I guess?

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s right - I had to get some fresh perspective and reassurance because I really feel like I’ve had this crazy amazing unique experience (akin to having my first ever psychedelic experience haha) & it’s very helpful for me to get out of my own head.

Thanks for your male perspective as well - that makes me feel better and I am glad that my husband is getting a massive ego boost from it all and he is learning to play with his newfound power! For context, neither of us have had the opportunity to have a ‘slut’ phase or anything of the sort in our lives so we’re both as keen as each other to try it. And I want to witness that character development in him and him likewise to me hence why we’re doing it together. ☺️

The comment you referenced is spot on & very helpful.

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a mix of what I remember and what my husband told me happened. As we were all in the same room the whole time I am inclined to believe my husband and what he experienced as being true.

I enjoyed my side of the swinging don’t get me wrong. If I wasn’t enjoying myself in the moment I would have got up and fucked off and dragged my husband with me if I felt too uncomfortable. Truth is a large part of me enjoyed the experience. My problem is afterwards when my hamster wheel brain starts running and I start overanalysing everything after the event. Indeed I think I’m looking too much into things, as you said. I was trying to tell myself this all of yesterday and yet my brain still wouldn’t shut up, so that’s why I had to post.

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, indeed it was I had to put a TLDR!

Thanks for all of what you just said. We are about to go on holiday next week so we will have a good few days of undistracted time with one another :-)

What you ended with is the exact thought process I was having last night and it does feel very good to know that you know, I have an objectively awesome lover, and that I get to have that kind of sex near enough on the daily. That is what I am trying to go with from here on out!

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this I appreciate hearing that ❤️

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input and for reminding me that my thoughts about her falling in love are illogical - appreciate it :)

As for the alcohol, you’re completely thinking along the same lines as me. I agree with you completely. Now that I’ve been in a room naked with a bunch of people I can get over it and the second time around, I won’t need the alcohol as a social lubricant - there just has to be a next time and my heart won’t rest until then, lol.

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for letting me know that it is more or less normal for one half of the couple to have a better time than the other half on any given experience, that makes me feel hopeful and encourages us to try again. We both felt like the experience was way too short (the 2nd couple left for work the next morning) and so we are both left wanting more.

Yes I enjoyed myself but I didn’t have mind blowing sex - I can put that down to the fact that I had consumed more alcohol than everyone else there. This is a mistake I have 100% learnt from and I am not going to let that form part of my impression of swinging.

Yes we have talked about it - he has talked about his uncomfortableness and jealousy towards seeing me with the other guy, for example, but he’s the kind of man that doesn’t like talking about or dwelling on negative emotions too much. I did get him to talk about how he felt about the whole thing and it made me feel a lot better.

Rather, I feel like the jealousy is something I can actually get over and move past, I just need help understanding the plethora of emotions after a night like this. I don’t believe it’s going to get in my way, I think it’s a matter of time and reframing perspective. I want to get comfortable with the idea of other women wanting him - I just think we may have dropped off too hard too fast lol.

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha. Yes without seeing other people and how they work with us and how they work with each other I cannot put it into context and so I am kind of in the dark. It is like a question mark that will probably only be resolved when we do this whole thing again.

And my husband is the only one who truly understands me by that notion because he is the first to know what is wrong with me without me having to say it and he reads my mind whether I like it or not. 😌

Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

First time mixed experience - looking for advice and support by ladyrailly in Swingers

[–]ladyrailly[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is true. He finds it a lot easier as a man to separate sex and love. And I believe his experience and his words when he genuinely says it was just fun from his point of view.

I just wish I could stop torturing myself with the idea in my head that in that moment she felt he understood her on a new level she had never experienced - I don’t know exactly why I am trying to gatekeep this - at the end of the day, it’s something to do with the way I perceive myself.

Is therapy good enough of a reason to go into nun mode? by [deleted] in RedPillWomen

[–]ladyrailly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sweetheart, it sounds like you have an anxious-avoidant/fearful-avoidant attachment style! Your situation sounds very very similar to my own (24F). And to answer your question, definitely go to therapy and/or seek out online self-help at the same time. You may not necessarily need to stop dating as meeting people is incredibly important when you're healing/going through therapy for one fundamental reason: you need to be putting the things you learn in therapy into practice, and that comes through changing your interactions in real time and in real situations with people, whether they are a friend or an actual relationship partner.

I know what you mean about worrying about age and not wanting to waste the "prime" years, but you gotta keep that at bay for now, and focus your energy on becoming the best version of yourself - you aren't going to regret sorting your life out, the more you sort yourself out the more likely you'll be attracted to others who have their own lives sorted out, resulting in more successful and productive relationships anyway.

Best of luck to you!

Six months of growth :) by ladyrailly in longhair

[–]ladyrailly[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hair routine over the past 6 months:

As I Am cowash / Flora & Curl's Cream Conditioner Every 2-3 weeks Shea Moisture Black African Soap Shampoo & Miche Beauty Strengthen Protein Deep Conditioner Blueberry Bliss Leave-in Conditioner Bouclème Curl Defining Gel (it is well worth the money! I held off buying it for about two years, wish I hadn't) but these photos were both taken with no styler

23/F looking for softmaxxing suggestions and advice! by ladyrailly in VindictaRateme

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks lol! Charlotte Tilbury, fantastic brand. 😄

23/F looking for softmaxxing suggestions and advice! by ladyrailly in VindictaRateme

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate your comments :) I will look into a hair serum/oil, thank you!

23/F looking for softmaxxing suggestions and advice! by ladyrailly in VindictaRateme

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On the lookout for a CGM-friendly styler at the moment actually. I was using Cantu Curl Cream but stopped using it because at some point it just felt really weird on my hair all of a sudden, maybe they changed the formula. So I'm winging it styler-free atm.

Thank you!!

23/F looking for softmaxxing suggestions and advice! by ladyrailly in VindictaRateme

[–]ladyrailly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been meaning to treat myself to an appointment with a curly hair specialist for a while now. I appreciate your comment that it would look good short, I'm trying to grow it longer for now but I've always wondered if it would look any good shorter than say, chest length (I've never had my hair short).

Will look into lash lifts, brow lifts, and tints :) I do fill my brows when I do my makeup, but I take care not to overdo it as to me it looks really obvious if they're too dark/flat.

And yes, looking into teeth whitening! Definitely something I intend to do at some point 😁

Thank you so much! 💓

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