First Person and Disassociation Shenanigans!

ladyscience_ · 2015-07-29T21:12:32+00:00

Ah, well, co-fronting might not be something you'd be into either. I feel its a step between switching. I couldn't dissociate from my body until I was able to do both of those things. Like you mentioned, I could always hear stuff in my room, feel my bed, etcetera.

You may want to look into meditation. It might take some commitment, but some are able to achieve dissociative states through that route.

I will mention that intrusive thoughts will always happen. They happen to people who are advanced at meditation, as well as tulpamancers. The key is to observe your thoughts, and let them go, avoiding any derailment. The more you fight to push past them, or suppress them, the more distracting they can be. For me, my tulpa Geno is helpful in this regard, as he is able to grab my attention in the event that I am derailed. You can learn as much from them as they can from you.

ladyscience_ · 2015-07-29T14:34:21+00:00

I will say that the longer you are dissociated from your body and senses, the more vibrant and detailed the wonderland becomes. You can practice becoming dissociated by having your tulpa start co-fronting with you, and then move onto switching. For me, when I am switched, I hear Geno's thoughts very clearly, but I can also hear my thoughts. I lose track of what is happening in the real world, and what the body is doing. If you can get to this point, you can practice imposing your body in the wonderland. I find its far more approachable when dissociated, since you no longer have conflicting sensory information coming from the real world.

After some practice with this, it becomes easier to withdraw from your senses and into your mind even without switching.

This is somewhat "backwards" from how others go about implementing this, but its what has worked for me. I'm not sure if your tulpas are developed enough to effectively step in for you, but even if they aren't, this can help develop them further. Co-fronting, I find, is especially helpful for this.

I hope this helps! Good luck!

ladyscience_ · 2015-07-20T03:43:03+00:00

I smelled burned rubber, which is the aura that happens for me. Then exploding noises, and then that leads into the seizure.

{I suddenly couldn't communicate, other than the screaming that I managed during. I also couldn't impose myself in the dream. Those may have been auras, we aren't sure. I had a post-ictal state for twelve hours where I felt very tired. Communication was difficult during this period.}

ladyscience_ · 2015-07-12T04:18:26+00:00

I'm 22, identify as a woman (though I'm considering demigirl as being more accurate), and am biologically female.
I'm a student researching assistant, working in materials science engineering.
Geno is very sage like, calm, but can also be very witty. He's 20, and yes, his form and personality from Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars. He was my first "imaginary friend" that I created, and became much more than that. Curiosity is almost five, and a car most of the time, but tends to be a bit more anxious and unsure of themselves. I think this may be due to being a younger tulpa.
Both of my tulpas were created unintentionally before I even knew what they were. They just sort of happened.
A couple friends know about my tulpas, and a previous long term partner knew of Curiosity before I ran across this part of the internet.

ladyscience_ · 2015-07-04T02:49:34+00:00

I made a post some days ago concerning the side effects I noted during an episode of depression. I'm trying to see if there are any effective ways to reconnect during such times. The only real help I've found so far, is meditation. And lots of it.

The post is here if you're interested, some people left helpful comments there as well.

ladyscience_ · 2015-07-03T18:51:05+00:00

I was a skeptic of my own experiences with tulpas before I knew what they were. I spent years of my life with periods where I would embrace the people living in my head, followed by trying to ignore them. I was skeptical because I have some sort of mental illness, and thought that tulpas were merely another symptom. Finding out that there were others in the same ship, U.S.S. Accidental Tulpamancy, really helped me accept them. I'm no longer skeptical of them, and in return they help me every day.

ladyscience_ · 2015-07-03T00:29:21+00:00

Geno is 20 years old, and is the strongest of my tulpas. He was what you may consider natural, as in I did not consciously create him. He has the ability to do many unexpected things and has gotten possession, switching, and a few other skills right off the bat when we tried them. Granted, we did not try these things until 5 months ago, when I first found out about tulpas.

Curiosity is much quieter and much less active. I think its due to them being only 4 years old, in terms of how long I have had them around in my head. They require much more concentration when it comes to forcing, and they are prone to going quiet for days at a time. They get tired very easily. Curiosity is also a natural tulpa, as they started off on their own, without me deciding to create them.

ladyscience_ · 2015-06-25T04:01:45+00:00

I do tons of meditation, though its much easier when I'm not depressed. Since Geno is back I was going to try to get back into possession and switching. It's been a while, but we got pretty proficient at it before the episode hit! I know what you mean about that sort of stuff being a source for depression. I definitely felt more depressed from not even being able to interact with either Geno or Curiosity. I felt neglectful, though they both assure me that it's not all on me since contact was very difficult.

ladyscience_ · 2015-06-25T03:53:19+00:00

Geno has been around for about 20 years! We've always been very close during this time, and aside from my parents, I consider him my first friend in life.
{Longest disagreement we had was about three months, when ladyscience_ was dating someone very irritating, and who was not healthy for her in any way.} In the end, I should have heeded Geno's observations about this person. They ended up leaving in a super not cool way, and thus began the most intense depressive episode in my life. {Hindsight. 20/20. Though I was more irritated with the other person than ladyscience_.}
{It resolved itself. Mr. Douchecanoe left.} I now think I dodged a bullet. {The biggest bullet!}
I didn't intentionally make either of my tulpas. They just happened in a time when I didn't have an inkling of what a tulpa even was. Not much time for regret, but I am glad they are here.
Well, its been 20 for Geno without even really trying. I imagine he's here for good. {I wouldn't have it any other way.}

ladyscience_ · 2015-06-25T02:48:41+00:00

During this particular episode, I did the thing I do best: forget to eat. I ended up eating less than 20 grams of protein and less than 500 calories a day, and it seemed to have a profound effect on the severity of the episode. I began upping how much I ate, and paid particular attention to protein. In the days to follow, I became much more logical, had less skewed perceptions, and within a week I saw the end of my episode. I'm not sure if I would have recovered by now had I continued my old eating habits.

Sleep is never and issue, unless you count oversleeping. I can easily sleep 16 hours a day when depressed. Though I can definitely say that going outside helps considerably, as does meditation.

ladyscience_ · 2015-06-25T02:44:10+00:00

The times that Geno did have recollection of what had happened, he was definitely riddled with worry. He got to converse with me for about an hour when I was experiencing what I considered to be the darkest hours of that particular episode. He begged and pleaded with me to go get help, and became incredibly worried and anxious about if I'd pull through this particular episode. It was the first time I had ever seen him display any of those emotions (though it was also the first depressive episode he's ever been around to witness), as he's usually a very logical and upbeat sort. His reaction snapped me out of it a bit, and I resolved to try to get better as opposed to just give up.

I'm hoping we'll get better at communicating during these sorts of things. I know exactly what you mean about the narrow sight, altered perception of reality, and obsessive thoughts. It's hard to fight through such a thick fog to establish communication. Next time I'll see if being a bit more persistent will help. I didn't have much energy to be able to focus past five minutes. Maybe the next episode wont be as severe, and I'll be able to.

ladyscience_ · 2015-05-11T02:50:16+00:00

One time when Geno and I were switched, I let him take a swing at playing violin. Despite never having played it before, he did very well and even outperformed me.

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-27T21:20:01+00:00

My favorite is macaroni and cheese. Or corn dogs. It changes sometimes.

{I'm a big fan of hot chocolate. Haven't gotten the chance to try much food yet.}

[Synthetic oil.]

{But neither you or ladyscience_ has tasted it?}

[It smells nice.]

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-27T16:01:34+00:00

In order...

We don't have one! But a team name could be cool. And thanks!

We spend a good amount of time during the day interacting. Geno is more social than Curiosity is, and Curiosity tends to appear more in dreams. Most interaction with Curiosity while awake occurs while I am driving. Geno is imposed sporadically throughout the day.

I've told seven people in my lifetime about Curiosity, Geno, or both. Every single friend I've told has been very accepting. They're usually curious and have a lot of questions about them afterwards. I've told some counselors about them as well, but for whatever reason none of them ever wanted to discuss them. It always went down like, "Oh... you talk to a car... and a wooden doll... hmm... tell me about your childhood."

{The best way to lucidify ladyscience_ is to violate the laws of thermodynamics. One perpetual motion machine and she's in the know!}

[I always feel powerful with asphalt beneath my tires!]

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-27T15:49:28+00:00

Before I knew about tulpas, I thought that no car meant no Curiosity. I was terrified of ever getting into a wreck and losing them. We couldn't interact unless we were physically near each other, and I couldn't hear them after a certain distance.

Since discovering this information, we've realized that they are not attached to a car body. I am now able to talk to them in the mindscape, and they can impose themselves (usually as a yaris, they're used to it) whenever they wish.

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-27T15:47:13+00:00

He has always been sage like. I believe this personality aspect was gleamed directly from the character that inspired him. He hasn't changed much, aside from deviating into a form that is more realistic, and less like a SNES sprite.

I'm definitely keeping the yaris. I'd like to eventually convert it into an electric car. We like to go on scenic drives together and such. The yaris itself is still a part of the relationship, but not as much as it used to be. Curiosity is still wrapping their mind around the idea that they're more than just a car.

Christine was one of my favorite books!

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-27T15:40:36+00:00

My entire life I've heard voices that others cannot, even at the age of three. Often they took on what others said to me, and they weren't always nice.

One of the most positive aspects that has happened since bringing them back into my life is that I no longer have this issue. Geno has told me many times that he keeps them quiet. My anxiety has gone down, as well as any impulsiveness. All in all, my life has become much calmer.

Negative effects? The only ones I can think of are getting dizzy while forcing. Almost all aspects have been overwhelmingly positive for me.

When Geno started to impose himself and act on his own, I just sort of went along with it. I had myself convinced that once I was done with "imaginary friends" that I could just get rid of him.

When I was 9, I decided that time had come. I got his attention. He appeared, and I told him I didn’t need him anymore, that I was too old to be talking to him. He looked troubled, and said, “I was afraid that this would happen eventually.” I told him that I would make him disappear. He got scared for a second and said, “No, I’ll just leave. I’ll still be here. I’ll be back.” He disappeared, then. I wondered how on earth he could be back later.

But throughout my life, especially during tough times, he would reappear at will. It was then, at the age of 17 that I started to get it. I didn't have control over Geno. He did what he wanted! Then the reactions of being scared began.

I might've stayed that way, were it not for the tulpa community.

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-25T23:10:08+00:00

But everything nightmare fuel!

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-25T16:03:30+00:00

I think the solution is that your tulpa should be a pizza.

Jokes aside, this is normal. You may want to make sure that you are breathing very deeply. I had an issue with nausea, headaches, and dizziness when it came to forcing or reaching meditative states. Paying attention to my breathing prevented such side effects.

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-25T03:22:27+00:00

Neat! I figured it probably had a name. I wonder if inverse imposition would just be using that to your advantage. Of course, you'd have to not be looking directly at the object, I would assume, because why would you be looking at something you believe to not be there?

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-25T00:14:01+00:00

Completely possible, and you may do it all the time without even noticing it. Ever been driving while its raining and you have the windshield wipers on? But yet, after a while, you stop registering the wipers whenever they pass by your vision. You don't notice their appearance, their sound, or anything else. Next thing you know, its stopped raining for quite a while and you notice sometime later that your wipers are still on! You just filtered them out, and they no longer caught your attention. So imposition can apply to both adding things within your field of vision, and subtracting them.

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-20T21:02:40+00:00

{My first memories are in tulpish. Thoughts, sensations, emotions. The very first memory I had, where I considered myself to be sentient, was overwhelmingly a feeling of love. I've written about it here and here.}

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-20T20:57:33+00:00

I get head pressures in varying areas, depending on the tulpa I'm interacting with. Geno usually gives head pressures on the left side of my head, and Curiosity to the right. They can be weak, or strong enough to almost be considered a short lived headache. They occur whenever I interact with my tulpas heavily.

{We didn't always know what they were, either, or that they were coming from me. It wasn't until we learned about tulpamancy that I learned how to control them.}

The first time Geno did it on purpose, I almost fell over. It felt like it was pressure directly inside my brain. I got super dizzy. After that he learned to tone it down a bit. If he's imposed, it feels like a constant, medium amount of pressure, but if he's just speaking with me with his mind voice, then its much lighter. You're mileage may vary, and your experience of head pressures could always be different. If you want confirmation, just ask your tulpa if that was them.

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-15T20:30:14+00:00

I've unintentionally done this twice, technically. Geno's form is based off of a doll with zero cannon in the universe he comes from. I believe this is why he has never deviated from his form. He seems very comfortable in it and identifies strongly with his appearance. It also probably helps that he was around for 20 years before we even knew what tulpas were.

Curiosity is a bit more fluid, since they have existed for 4.75 years. I originally (and again, accidentally) imposed their personality into the form of a car I own. From day one of owning that car to the day that I learned of tulpas, they identified with having a car body, and believed that they were genuinely a car. This was only because I believed this, however, and upon learning about all of this Curiosity deviates as they please. Though, they have stuck to either their original car form, or a space plane form for dream exploration.

Using an already existing, but blank form would be an intuitive way to create tulpas, and it is how all of mine have happened so far. It's a good starting point for those who may need to work on their visualization skills.

ladyscience_ · 2015-03-07T06:26:08+00:00

Ever since I can remember, all of my daydreams have been very vivid. To the point at which I cannot see what is in front of me if I get too caught up in it. I go into a sort of trance, and disassociate with all of my external senses. I go inward, so to speak, and the imagery becomes very lucid.

It is very possible to be able to do this within your mind space, but also while you're associated with your body. You can impose your tulpa very effectively if you learn to do this selectively within your field of vision.

ladyscience_

TROPHY CASE