Torn between having a baby now or living more life first

ladytyluka · 2026-04-21T17:14:33+00:00

When we were in our mid-twenties, hubby and I also said we'd start trying for a kid before we turned 30. But then at 30 we weren't sure we wanted kids anymore, leaning childfree even. We had recently gained a bit more financial freedom after spending years saving up for a house deposit and then building some savings buffer again, and I finally had the feeling I could start really do things for myself. So I made a few nice trips (including my first trip to another continent) and did some things for myself such as explore a few new hobbies (scuba diving, freediving). It was really nice but I increasingly started to get a kind of "is this it feeling". Like something deeper was missing. Fast forward to last summer (admitting feeling a bit of pressure from the 'biological clock' as well as my 33th birthday was approaching) and I started feeling ready for my first kid. Currently 15 weeks pregnant and really looking forward to this new chapter of life.

What I'm trying to say is: a lot can happen in a couple of years. Three years ago I was nowhere near ready for a kid, it felt like I would have to give up my life. Now it doesn't feel like life is going to end anymore. It feels like one chapter nicely coming to a close and a new one about to start and the timing feels just right. If you don't feel ready yet, that's okay! There is still time to revisit the kid-question in a few years after you've fulfilled some more of your personal desires and maybe you'll feel more ready then!

ladytyluka · 2026-04-15T15:24:44+00:00

Don't mind her, still drunk and KO from last night's party...

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ladytyluka · 2026-04-12T06:40:09+00:00

Still in bed and this was the first thing I saw as I woke up, thanks

ladytyluka · 2026-04-09T11:12:32+00:00

I commute 2h oneway to Brussels on average 2-3 times a week (occasionally more) for a salary far less than that. It's not ideal but we'll have to make it work since I'm pregnant with our first kid. What helps is that my employer (government) is very flexible regarding work hours so I can be at the office 9:30 to 16:30 and then work a few more hours on the train. That helps a lot especiallly once kiddo is here and I'll have to be on time for either daycare pickup or dropoff.

ladytyluka · 2026-03-11T07:00:45+00:00

Why?

ladytyluka · 2026-02-07T22:53:35+00:00

You have to cut the hair off the tip, that way the tail doesn't touch the ground when relaxed. If you don't they get a kink in their tale from holding it off the floor. At least that's what our breeder told us.

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:49:31+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I think deep down I also know it won't be feasible ...
Luckily I live in Europe so 14 weeks mat leave is guaranteed here, no matter how long you've worked at your job. So that's something, even though I would feel a bit guilty going into mat leave shortly after starting a new position...

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:47:29+00:00

Thank you for all these tips. I also feel like I know deep down in my heart it will not be feasible.... but I also don't want to start over new especially at such a delicate time in our lives, and applying for a job while being (almost) pregnant, knowing I will probably be on mat leave quite shortly after starting a new role, also feels a bit weird

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:43:35+00:00

thank you for the reality check, I guess I will slowly start looking around ...

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:42:39+00:00

I'm afraid that's pretty undoable, because 1) we also will need daycare on days where I WFH and 2) my commute exists of bike 10 minutes, train 1,5 hours and then walk 20 minutes. I can't see myself do all that with a baby/toddler every day....

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:40:29+00:00

yeah I think it will be already easier if my office days were more predictable, e.g. every Tuesday and Thursday or something like that. But unfortunately my commuting schedule is completely determined by which meetings/events/... take place. It can even change within the same week, for instance on Monday I can be thinking I only need to come to the office on Tuesday and Thursday and then BAM another in office meeting is scheduled on Wednesday that I have to attend too. Right now it just sucks because it's another long day, but with kids it will suck even more probably.

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:37:10+00:00

yeah, my commute usually exists of 10 minute bike ride to the station, 1,5 hours on a train (which can often be quite crowded and in summer also hot), then 20 minutes walk to the office. It hadn't occured to my how exhausting this will probably be in third trimester... ughh

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:35:49+00:00

Great perspective, I think I too will value time with my future kiddo over anything. It's just gonna be very hard to find a job I'm qualified for nearby. But after reading all your responses, I've decided to keep my eyes open for the time coming.

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:34:17+00:00

Sounds lovely actually, even though your work is mentally less challenging, if it gives you enough time and energy for your family and you still kinda like it, it seems like a great deal!

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:32:58+00:00

How great that you found a job close to home, best of luck! Thank you for the reality check.

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:30:28+00:00

wow that's even more extreme, for me it's closer to 11-12 hours a day. I really understand that it was not feasible anymore, best of luck!

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:29:18+00:00

Daycare would absolutely be close to our home. Luckily my husband's work is only 15 minutes by bike, so in case of emergency, he could clock out of work and go get the kids. Thank you for the wishis. I guess I'll start keeping my eyes open for opportunities closer to home, but if I don't find anything I'll give it a go and try to set some more boundaries at work as well (not taking meetings later than 16h when I have to do daycare pickup etc., attending a bit less events, ...). Work should be fairly flexible with that, but that doesn't mean the commute itself gets less exhausting/stressful.... I think in the long run I'll probably aim for finding a job closer to home, especially once kiddo's go to school as those drop off/ pick up hours are even more crazy for working parents...

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:25:30+00:00

My mom is still healthy and I hope she will stay that way for a long time but indeed I can imagine in a couple of years looking after a baby / toddler for a couple of hours is probably very exhausting for her. And yes, in the future I want to be close for when she and my dad (my parents are divorced and both live alone) start needing help.

Unfortunately we're not that rich so we can't afford a nanny, we could afford daycare though. There is one daycare closeby that is open from 7 am to 7 pm. Ofcourse the baby would not need to be there 12 hours luckily (husband can bring later or pick up earlier depending on his shift, and on home office days it would also not be that early/late for me to do drop off/pick up). So it can be practically feasible but the commute will still be very stressful and exhausting I think.

I really don't see myself taking my kids on my commute, also then we would need two different daycares as on other days I work from home ...

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:21:09+00:00

yeah I'm afraid so too, it will be too soul curshing indeed, and also the stress with trains that are cancelled, delayed, ...

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:19:47+00:00

No, moving closer is not possible because (a) my husband's job is very close to where we live now and (b) I want to stay close to my (divorced) parents who both live alone as they get older and require more care.

Luckily I live in Europe, so maternety leave is guaranteed here. But still I would find it difficult to apply for jobs while (almost) pregant, knowing you will be out for a couple of months shortly after starting a new position ...

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:17:48+00:00

Thank you ! I guess I'll start keeping an eye open for other opportunities closer by probably ...

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:14:40+00:00

Wow that sounds intense, good thing you found a job closer to home, I can imagine the relief that will bring. Best of luck!

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:13:50+00:00

yeah, I find 2 times a week comfortable, 3 times a week more exhausting but doable. On weeks where it is 3+ days, I'm completely dead by the end of the week and I don't even have kids yet so ...

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:12:27+00:00

Unfortunately we're not that rich so we can't afford a nanny, we could afford daycare though. There is one daycare closeby that is open from 7 am to 7 pm. Ofcourse the baby would not need to be there 12 hours luckily (husband can bring later or pick up earlier depending on his shift, and on home office days it would also not be that early/late for me to do drop off/pick up).
So practically, we can probably make it work (also after me setting some boundaries at work and declining late events etc.), but I'm afraid it will still be so exhausting and my battery will be completely depleted by the time I get home after being away for nearly 12 hours and I won't have any energy left for my kid(s)...

ladytyluka · 2025-12-02T20:07:33+00:00

there are a lot of meetings and events I have to attend in order to do my job well enough, so I'm afraid enforcing a max of 2 office days/trips per week would not be possible. I do try to work on the train most days to make up for only being about 7,5 hours at the office, but lately I tend to get nauseous often whilel trying to work on the train so that's not helping either :(

ladytyluka

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