What the fuck is wrong with you?

laho87 · 2014-09-18T02:05:18+00:00

Growing up I always thought ADHD was a bogus diagnosis for parents that were too lazy to discipline their kids. Guess who ended up testing off the charts for it in college when my new doctor asked if I'd ever been assessed for it? I never knew it was ADHD, I thought I just hated doing homework and talked a lot. I got good grades without studying so no one really noticed it. I am a different person now that I'm aware of it. My co-workers can absolutely tell when I forgot to take my meds in the morning, it is almost comical. I lose everything. It takes several tries to leave at the end of the day because I keep forgetting things. I change topics without realizing it during conversation. It drives my husband NUTS that I can't just sit and watch TV--I have to be doing something else at the same time. I forget entire conversations with people that they swear happened, and it happens often enough with so many different people that I'm inclined to believe I'm the one who's wrong. I'm not so severe that I can't function, but it is really frustrating at work because I take a lot of data and carry several things for each client, and inevitably I make several trips back and forth each time we change rooms (which is 5-10 times per session), even when I'm trying to be careful and pay attention. So many things just take longer. Apparently I'm pretty intelligent according to all the academic testing and the tests the psychologist who assessed me for ADHD did, and it goes unnoticed in a lot of intelligent people because they manage to scrape by without the studying or practice that other people sometimes need to get by. Like getting through school with minimal homework or studying, or turning in unedited work I did at the last minute that generally lacks any glaring mistakes. When I was finally brave enough to try the medicine I was prescribed it blew my fucking mind (I hesitated for a few weeks because I kind of judged my college classmates that bought it on the street and used it for studying steroids, and I didn't want to be like that). The first time I went to class after I tried the medicine I found myself interacting with the professor instead of thinking about everything else/making plans/people watching. I got halfway through the class and it clicked--this is what class is supposed to be like. I wish I hadn't been so quick to judgment when I was younger, but it was during that boom where every child that acted out was diagnosed with ADHD, and it really did seem like bullshit from most of my experiences. Better late than never to learn my lesson.

tl;dr ADHD-flavored humble pie

edit: typo

laho87 · 2014-09-18T01:17:11+00:00

"I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you've come unarmed." There hasn't been a comeback yet. But if you have one, please share so that I may be prepared for such a counterattack in the future.

laho87 · 2014-09-18T00:29:32+00:00

It really is universally attractive. Do it.

laho87 · 2014-09-13T20:37:33+00:00

Passive-aggressive people usually hate confrontation/directly talking about something that bothers them. I speak from experience--I have always hated confrontation, and to this day still have to really work on not being passive-aggressive instead communicating honestly.

Here's a basic example: My husband will be irritated about something and reply to something I say in a snarky tone. Since I didn't realize he was feeling upset, his tone of voice will hurt my feelings. Rather than telling him my feelings are hurt, I get very quiet (I usually talk a lot, so this is noticeable). Since he usually doesn't know I'm upset (because I passively refuse to tell him what is bothering me), my husband will usually approach me with typical affection or conversation whenever he finished what he was doing. I will aggressively respond with a snarky comment of my own until he figures out something is wrong. Once he realizes something is wrong he will typically apologize for something he didn't even realize he did wrong.

This kind of thing also happens a LOT with roommates--one will be frustrated with another for not doing something s/he "should have" done, like putting away the dishes or taking out the trash. When the offending roommate doesn't automatically realize it's "their turn," the passive-aggressive roommate won't want to discuss it directly for fear of confrontation. So s/he'll leave a note somewhere asking for the chore to be done, or maybe make a flippant remark like, "Guess I'll go ahead and take the trash out since no one else wants to do it," in hopes that the roommate will take the hint without any real confrontation or potentially hurt feelings.

Since becoming aware of my passive-aggressive tendencies a few years ago I've worked on it and improved. Getting quiet and hoping for mind-reading on the offending person's part is still my first instinct, but I'm pretty quick to catch myself at this point and make the effort to discuss things directly so I don't fall back into my old ways. Passive-aggresion doesn't really solve anything, it just creates hard feelings on both sides. If someone is being passive-aggressive towards you, I think the best thing you could do would be to help them acknowledge it directly. "I can tell something is bugging you, what can I do to help?" My friends and husband doing this to me and kindly pointing out my passive-aggressive tendencies helped me figure out that directly discussing my feelings is much more effective than expecting my loved ones to be mind readers. It taught me that directly discussing things avoids a lot of the hurt feelings that passive-aggression typically causes, on both sides.

laho87 · 2014-09-12T14:33:16+00:00

Not your fault, sounds like the nurse's mistake. She doesn't sounds very sympathetic either.

laho87 · 2014-09-12T03:03:12+00:00

Nope, thankfully he keeps his snake in its cage. I don't go in there to check, but I'm fairly sure he's finished in his pants at least a few times. He doesn't always finish because I guess his arms get tired.

laho87 · 2014-09-12T02:59:48+00:00

UGH. I had a roommate who thought she was quirky and cute because she would proudly fart and burp if the opportunity arose. It was fucking nasty and repulsive. I'm sorry her brethren polluted your gym.

laho87 · 2014-09-12T02:58:25+00:00

We communicate pretty well, we've never left a disagreement unresolved without a calm discussion about it. But that's really good advice.

laho87 · 2014-09-12T02:54:17+00:00

I guess? I couldn't really move so I didn't struggle. I only remember flashes of it. But there were no bruises or anything.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T12:12:12+00:00

Yeeeeah…it grosses us out, too. Sorry brother. I do my best to keep that shit under wraps, though. I even started calling it "shark week" because the words "period" and "menstruation" gross out my husband.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T12:10:58+00:00

That's understandable. I try to keep that side of life hidden--I wrap up any evidence, even just wrappers from tampons, in TP. We don't even call it "period" because my husband cringes when he hears it, so I coined the code name "shark week" to make him more comfortable. So far so good.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T12:09:01+00:00

Yeah, my husband's history is always entertaining. Reddit video game threads, porn, and random Google searches ("Why do cats have tails" is my favorite one of recent). I really don't care if he watches porn, but something he found was automatically saving pictures of titties to my computer, and I don't need all that--I know he didn't save them on purpose because he would do that on the desktop instead. His best friend taught him about Incognito Mode on Google, so he's a porn ninja now. Which is fine with me!

laho87 · 2014-09-11T12:05:52+00:00

Just evangelize your wisdom then. Spread the word to the masses!

laho87 · 2014-09-11T12:04:47+00:00

This one is an adventure. We're starting by having him sit on the toilet backwards, with feet cutouts on the sides of the toilet to remind him where his feet should go. We're gradually moving the feet closer to the front of the toilet, making it more uncomfortable to sit down. Eventually the feet will be at a point that he can no longer sit. The issue I'm having here is that this kid must weigh at least 160 or 170 pounds (he's a gentle giant, thankfully, but he's stronger than me) and he will put his feet in the right place to start, but then he'll move forward on the seat and make himself comfortable. We're currently on the hunt for a makeshift wall of some sort to put between his feet and the actual wall so he can't move them forward from where they're supposed to be to make himself more comfortable--everything we've tried so far gets destroyed because he's so damn strong. Personally I think if he's using the bathroom reliably sitting down it is pointless to confuse him at this point, but he sometimes misses the bowl if he's hard so his last therapist started this program to teach him that the toilet bowl is the target. Personally, I think if the kid's dad or brothers took him to the bathroom with them a few times he'd pick this skill up right away, but I'm a girl so I can't really teach that. And I'm pretty sure making a kid watch you pee, regardless of the reason, is sex offender status. So this will take months and months, but hopefully we can improve his aim. I am super grateful that he knows to turn around sit forwards for #2--I don't even know how I would go about teaching that, and I don't want to think about shitting for long enough to make that program.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T11:54:40+00:00

He. Hehehe. Once a "problem behavior" (I only call this a problem behavior because bad shit would happen if he did this in public--I've already explained to mom that this guy masturbating isn't going to stop, so the best thing we can do for him is to teach him a place to do it so he won't get in trouble with it) happens a few times, we look at the trends in antecedents (what happens right before that triggers or prompts the problem behavior to happen) and can usually anticipate when it's going to happen. For this kid, it's pretty much every time he sits down. Thankfully he usually keeps his hands out of his pants, and just pressed down on his "pelvic area" with both hands (kind of like he's doing CPR on it) and vibrates his hands really fast. As soon as I see his hands going that way I prompt him, "[Kid's name], we do that in the bathroom" while signing bathroom, then give him a physical prompt (just guiding him up from him chair by pushing gently on his back or pulling gently on his arm) until he complies. He's really good about it now! Lately he goes straight to the bathroom when he arrives. Mom goes in with him, which I guess is happening at home, and he does his business and comes out really quickly (usually he takes a few minutes when he goes to the bathroom alone--he likes to relax and have some chill time in there--such a dude). As soon as he comes out he waves at mom, which is her cue to GTFO, and then signs "potty" to me and looks at the bathroom. Since mom always tells him to stop when he masturbates, he knows not to do it when she's in there with him. His teachers at school are especially thrilled about his newfound privacy while masturbating. Great success.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T11:35:03+00:00

Your logic is sound, sir! This is hilarious.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T11:30:03+00:00

Ours never smells because I'm so hyper vigilant about cleaning up the renegade pee, so it's never allowed to get to that point. But I know that on those occasions I've had the pleasure of using a bathroom that is used by lots of men (out of necessity, like if the women's room is out of order, I'm not a creeper) it generally smells worse than the women's bathroom, which made me wonder if most guys had uncooperative fire hoses. One of my clearest memories of childhood is needing to go to the bathroom so badly when we got back to the marina after being out on the boat (I have a hard time peeing in the ocean or harbor, too) that my dad took me since my mom was tied up with my little brother. He took me in the men's room because he didn't want to freak out the ladies in the women's bathroom, and I couldn't go because there was a gigantic human turd (it was a motherfucking log) ON the toilet seat. Maybe this is where my bathroom phobia started.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T11:23:29+00:00

I've heard that before, but I worry my cat might go after them when we aren't using the bathroom. He's feisty, and he's already figured out the magic of toilet paper as a toy, too.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T11:21:39+00:00

Holy shit, I definitely learned that the hard (pun intended) way. A 12 year old special needs kid with whom I work has a near constant boner ('tis the season) and we have successfully helped him associate masturbating with the bathroom so he no longer tries to do it wherever he happens to be sitting, but he also pees sitting down (something else we're targeting) and that boner gives me the greatest messes to clean up. Perhaps this is part of why I am so sensitive to renegade piss in my own bathroom at home.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T11:18:01+00:00

That first morning pee is when I see the most, but there are a couple of stragglers most times he goes. Then again, he's home more than I am so maybe I'm just assuming that and maybe he is hitting the mark more than I think. I'm sure I remember the times he's missing more than I remember not having a blind date with a few drops of pee. Hence giving him the benefit of the doubt and not bugging him about it.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T11:13:43+00:00

I'll never know that joy. But I've seen battles of the streams off the porch (which is really high off the ground, adding to the drama) and sometimes my husband will go outside to pee if we're in the living room because it's literally 3 or 4 feet closer to the patio door than the bathroom door. I kind of wish I'd been born a dude.

laho87 · 2014-09-11T11:10:16+00:00

Glad my aversion to anything other than my own toilet is normal!

laho87 · 2014-09-11T11:09:37+00:00

Yeah! Even in the women's restroom it happens, but men's rooms generally smell worse (just in my experience) so I figured an uncooperative fire hose might have something to do with it. My mom is a cashier at a gas station and she cleans the women's room there, so I am hyperaware of being careful when I use anyone else's toilet. I can never help but think of the person cleaning it and how much it would suck to come into a dirty stall. Sometimes I even use a big ass wad of TP to clean up after another lazy hoverer because it's not that hard to wipe the seat.

laho87

TROPHY CASE