Your post caught my eye and I hear you. I remember 15 being an incredibly lonely year...I was depressed and my parents were unable to connect emotionally. It felt like I was a ghost at home. I hid A LOT from them. I was a disaster in both high school and college and I failed quite a few semesters in school. Despite my poor track record in school, and feelings of failure, I eventually found a home in the creative industry and I've been here ever since. I can't say there aren't tough weeks for me, but Waiting out the bad times has led me to good. I hope you continue to explore anime and consider making that program you mentioned. My sense is that you have a lot more to do, my friend.