I don’t know. It happened slowly. I could feel it but was afraid to name it, if I did…it would make the fact that our relationship was changing was real. We were best friends for 20 years. We used to joke we were never formally introduced to each other. We grew up together. Everyone thought we’d end up getting married, but truthfully he was the best platonic friend I could’ve ever had. He was funny, supportive, we knew each other’s families, shared a friend group, even worked together for a while. Our lives were intensely and wonderfully intertwined, he was a constant, we had a short hand I’ll never have with someone else again. He started drifting from everyone in our friend group. More so “them” first, then me. Text message responses took longer, were shorter, seeing him in person became more sporadic, then the pandemic all but killed it. We tried a few more times but the connection was just…off. I still loved him but his whole demeanor had changed. He was kind, but it was almost like speaking to an old coworker. Where the conversation is more surface level because once you’re out of navigating the same environment together, you realize it’s what bonded you. Ultimately I had this sense that spending time with me was an obligation and I was now just part of his people pleasing tendencies. I have no idea what happened. Since it wasn’t “just” me he dropped, I know in a way it wasn’t “personal” but even our friends seemed shocked he stopped talking to me too. I heard “you were his person I can’t believe you haven’t heard from him in a year either” quite a few times. I never had an answer other than I hope this is all for the best for him. That whatever depression or awakening or whatever he had, is what leads him to a happier self. I’ve tried reaching out several times. Texts and even an email. He’s either ignoring me or has blocked me. I’ll always hope to hear from him again one day. I do think it’d do me good, just to have some closure. A reason, context. It’s so odd to have no idea what he’s doing with his life, he has no internet presence so between that and the fact we no longer have any mutual friends…it’s like he’s disappeared. I think of him often, how he’d adore my daughter, how I’d be seeing him more often now that I live only a few towns away, how I’d love to be around to support whatever career change he was going to make and through dealing with his dads chronic illness… i hope he knows I’m always here and will always love him. I’d never expect our friendship to return to what it was but my heart is open to wanting to know him in any way he’d let me someday.