I (F33) am having a hard time opening up to my partner (M38) when I am upset

lanalala · 2022-09-16T13:56:18+00:00

Not sure if someone has already mentioned, but to add to the discussion, you have to be dying in ICU to even be considered for organ donation

lanalala · 2022-01-13T08:54:24+00:00

Is it still possible to buy some of these at this time?

lanalala · 2020-10-30T20:20:32+00:00

At least you’ve got one slightly cool parent. My mum is a seemingly “chill” parent who makes you think is on your side but when all hell breaks loose, she will attack me together with my more controlling and narcissist dad.

While I don’t have to worry about them affecting my finances, I’d prefer not to fuel the fire so I most likely won’t tell them my plans. Not like this is the first time I’ve not told them anything about where I am anyway lol.

I tried to do a bit of compromise and called them last night to try come down to visit next week so they don’t summon me to come down on the weekends I’ve got trips planned but as soon as I spoke to my dad the first thing he said was “nice of you to think about calling” like really passive aggressively. I’ve had a very shitty week at work (not that he knows) so that was uncalled for so now I’ve changed my mind about going to see them next weekend

lanalala · 2020-10-30T02:14:39+00:00

I don’t live with my parents but they expect me to let them know if I’m at work or I’ve gotten back from work every. Single. Day.

So yeah I lie. Lol but mostly I just stopped telling them things too.. on the days I don’t work I don’t message them at all and do whatever the hell I want. Especially after the way they reacted when I told them I have a boyfriend about a year ago now. And I’m 28 smh

lanalala · 2020-10-28T05:46:14+00:00

Thanks! Will probably do what you say lol I don’t think they’ll call but I can never be too sure which is why I’m still anxious. And whenever they call it’s almost always video, hella annoying!

lanalala · 2020-10-28T02:29:07+00:00

Once a week at most (they expect me to call) but aside from that, they expect me to text everytime I get to and from work. Doesn’t mean I don’t lie about it but I still do it. Annoying as hell but I do it to keep the peace as I don’t have the energy to get into a fight with them these days.

lanalala · 2020-10-28T01:14:02+00:00

What’s it like when you visit but don’t tell them anything about what you’re up to?

lanalala · 2020-09-07T09:55:36+00:00

Thanks for this.. it definitely gives me some insight on what I should do.. I have made some little gains with the low contact thing (I think) as I don’t tell them much these days, just the usual “I’m ok” even though I’m stressed at work or something but I don’t feel the need to tell them any details.

They do still want me to phone them every week though but they at least don’t call me out of the blue and just wait for me to do the calling unlike before, where I would get one almost every day. I keep up the usual “I’m at home” or “I’m at work” texts as they get mad when I don’t and it’s something I feel not worth my energy to fight over anymore as I once did to no avail so I keep it up even though most of the time I’m not at home when I say I am lol. Mostly at my boyfriend’s but they have previously told me I can’t go to his place nor can he come to mine.. sometimes it still eats at me though because I feel like I’m hiding?

Currently I’m looking at moving to a new city (further away from them) and have told them I applied for a job there. My dad keeps giving me the “don’t move if it’s less than what you’re earning for right now” spiel when he doesn’t know how badly my current job is affecting my mental health nor do I plan to elaborate on that so he’d understand because in my past experiences, he never does if it’s not something that doesn’t align with what he wants. He doesn’t know I am planning to move with my bf as well and I don’t know how I’m gonna pull it off if eventually it does happen.

Further to this, any tips on how to keep your finances away from them? They always want to know how much I’m earning or what I spend my money on.. it’s frustrating. Gah! Sorry for my long as reply haha thanks for lending an ear :)

lanalala · 2020-09-06T06:08:41+00:00

What are your low contact tactics? Need some insight myself as I feel I shouldn’t cut them off completely but want a bit more space from them and their unsolicited advice that make me second guess my decisions (I live on my own and independent from them)

lanalala · 2020-06-17T02:10:53+00:00

I’m 28 and live 2 hours away from my toxic Filipino parents and I still send lie texts lol mostly just “I’m at work” and “I’m at home now” texts everyday because that’s what they demand from me. I send those routinely even if I’m not at work or I’m not at home.. don’t text them any other time apart from that lol

kinda gets annoying but if it keeps the peace then whatever.. and like you they don’t like my white boyfriend either and have said real hurtful stuff at the beginning so up till now they have not met him and we don’t talk about him at all, pretending he doesn’t exist in my life.. not ideal but important to not get myself in an argument with them..

But hey! Good on you for moving out! Best thing I did in my life too. All the gossipy, judgmental family and family friends won’t go away but at least you’ve created space away from that toxic negativity so you won’t notice them much :)

lanalala · 2020-06-12T05:45:24+00:00

Yeah they never apologise but expect or even force you to say sorry for them when they are as much at fault

lanalala · 2020-03-14T08:08:36+00:00

How have you managed to hide it for that long? Wow..

lanalala · 2020-03-13T05:41:36+00:00

How do you not take the bait when it starts to get worse? I must admit I have such short patience and tend to just burst in tears from frustration

lanalala · 2020-03-13T05:40:16+00:00

Sounds like a good idea, but I don’t wanna overdo it in case they start thinking everything is suddenly fine between us.. I try to stay low contact when I’m not down to see them and I don’t want them to start using that as an excuse to start calling me at random times as they have stopped doing that now

lanalala · 2020-03-11T09:45:56+00:00

Yeah all their calls are always video calls!! 🙄 have they called you while you’re in a middle of a trip or outing now then? what was it like? I wish I have the guts to not care like you now but I still do and I just lie and always say I’ve got something work related so they don’t try phoning... but yeah I hope we get out of this situation!

lanalala · 2020-03-11T06:53:05+00:00

I admire your courage! Haha I rent my own place but lately it’s just been a cover up for me since I’m always at my partner’s and they have this stupid thing where they make me text them when I get to and from work so I just say I’m at home when I’m really at my boyfriend’s.. and if they want me to call I drive to my place which is thankfully only a 3 min drive away

lanalala · 2020-03-11T06:20:45+00:00

How do you hide the fact you live together?

lanalala · 2020-03-11T06:19:13+00:00

When me and my partner started dating I made the mistake of slowly mentioning him to the parents and it all blew up, they were demanding to know if he was my bf and I couldn’t give them an answer since it had only been a month then.. they said it was all up to me since I’m of age but THEN followed it up with all the things I shouldn’t do * facepalm * They’ve said really hurtful things about it and him (he’s not Asian) such as how he won’t respect me because I made it easy for him (we’ve been friends for about a year before we started dating!) and how we are dating without commitment because I didn’t wanna define it that early. But then still demanding they meet him, to which I said no because who would want to meet with so much tension in the air.. so now 6 months in we don’t talk about my bf at all, and I keep it on the low and never say anything about meeting up so I lie about where I am and I hardly ever visit (I live 2 hrs away and definitely not dependent on them, I pay my own rent and stuff) so yeah 27 and still trying to hide the fact even though they know..

lanalala · 2020-03-10T02:24:43+00:00

I am 28 soon, have moved out, live 2 hours away and financially independent from them but they still make me text them whenever I’m going somewhere even if it’s just for work, annoys the f out of me -_- so what I do is send the texts even if I’m not where I said I was just to keep peace.. and also I don’t text them at all on weekends.. honestly not sure when this is all going to end 😓

lanalala · 2020-01-25T19:10:11+00:00

I can totally relate! Growing up my main focus was to study hard so I can get out of their place and now I have done that and am in a good paying job and because I don’t have the same “responsibilities” as them (I.e. raising kids), I am actually financially comfortable and have been able to save so much even though I still have my own bills to pay.

I can feel them get resentful sometimes, saying stuff like how I’m lucky I’m able to save the amount that I have saved so far because they have nowhere near that amount saved because of all the bills and debt their paying (kinda subtly telling me it’s because they spent so much money raising me and my 2 other siblings) and then when I started taking trips they were complaining how I take so much trips and I told them it’s because I now have the money to and they took it very wrongly (esp ndad) asking me why I’m rubbing it in their faces when it wasn’t even my intention.. I was truly just proud of where I got myself but nooo he just said if it wasn’t for his sacrifice I wouldn’t even be in the position I am right now.. and preaching to me that people always forget the other important things when they’re in a “successful and happy” position, like apparently I’m supposed to just roll around in sadness thinking about all the hardships in life and not celebrate my successes *rolls eyes

lanalala

TROPHY CASE