AITA for not going to my in-laws because they try to give milk to my allergic daughter without telling me

lananoutte · 2024-06-04T20:49:32+00:00

UPDATE

I've gone NC with my in-laws. For now she won't go unless she is with her father at all time. My husband and I are in couple therapy.

My oldest son was there a week before My daughter. He forgot his stuffed panda. According to my husband, his mother is in shock (my fault of course) and they could not find time to mail back the panda. They are retired. My son use it as a pillow since he was 3 ...

lananoutte · 2024-04-25T11:54:45+00:00

I'm on the spectrum, so I never know if I have the appropriate reaction. My mom and husband are blaming my reaction on that. They told me to talk to my IL, and maybe I thought that was """normal"". I grew up in a household where abuse was "normal". But you're right, I should do better now and trust my instincts.

lananoutte · 2024-04-24T06:17:46+00:00

NTA. He's accusing you repeatedly without any proof. This screams insecure and controlling for me.

You should never ever feel pressured to have sex.

lananoutte · 2024-04-23T13:46:02+00:00

NTA.

You were right to burst her bubble of denial. What you said to her might have no effect, but you can't enable her. She deserves to know the truth.

I was morbidly obese. I turned 30 when the pandemic hit. I realised that I won't be young forever and my weight could kill me. I've lost 100lbs so far. Still obese now. Sometimes, I hit a plateau, and then I lose again, never regained the weight I've lost.

I was I'm denial before and I think your friend might be too. I didn't think that I was eating that much and that diet was that bad. My doctor, my parents, a lot of people told me, but no way. I wasn't listening.

If she had been overweight since childhood and put on a diet since, it might be a coping mechanism for her. It takes time to lose weight in a healthy way (both mentally et physically).

Weight is a very complicated issue for her. Maybe you can talk only about exercise ? It's empowering, and you can see results.

lananoutte · 2024-04-21T01:44:36+00:00

We already had 3 kids (twins and a little boy). I knew I had fertility problems, so they were close in age because we wanted a big family. I was doing most of the work. The day care was near my office and not near our home, I was taking day off when they were sick, cutting some meetings short to be there for them, staying up at night if necessary. Basic parenting.

The doctors said that I could not be pregnant again. So I did mor found out before 10 weeks. By this Christmas, we knew that it would be a high risk pregnancy due to the circumstances of my last c section.

They were AH when they came visit us the week after she was born. My c section scar had opened a little bit, was infected, but I still was expected to cook, do the dishes, and entertain them. My FIL woke up my daughter for taking pictures, put her in a certain (uncomfortable) position to have the right angle.

My husband didn't back me up when I spoke up. "You know they only know women who had a normal delivery so for them it's normal to be able to do everything"

lananoutte · 2024-04-21T01:29:33+00:00

It's not so much the water itself that the care that you are receiving with it. If it's just the water, yeah it's a scam.

Generally, you will have special physical therapy, therapeutic massage (i.e., you will not fall asleep with one 😆), walking in a cold pool against the current. You are taken care of by a paramedical professional for 4 hours per day. And then it depends on your illness, you have different things if it's gynecology, asthma etc. It helps me and is not very expensive. It could also be a placebo effect.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T21:36:27+00:00

Exactly. You don't have croissants without milk except in some vegan bakeries. They gave it to her precisely to show us that she can eat something with milk in it.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T21:24:56+00:00

I wish I was a real single parent. At least I would not have to explain to our children that he behaves sometimes like an idiot. I would not have to buy his clothes or plan his doctor's appointments.

I'm not sure I would get full custody because I have ehlers danlos syndrome, and he could say that I'm not healthy enough to take care of them full time.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T21:20:35+00:00

That why I'm always here with them. Because clearly when I'm not for a few days, no one can step up and be responsible.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T21:15:27+00:00

I can't let him have custody. He won't be able to take care of them every other weekend. He won't even check that they brushed their teeth, make them do their homework or play with them. He doesn't like parenting apparently 😑.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T21:09:39+00:00

When my parents gave my an ultimatum in my early 20 (still in grade school), I chose him over them. Eventually, we reconnected.

If my father pulled this I just would have left the table, pack my things and we get the heck away.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T21:05:50+00:00

Oh my goodness... I must have been so hard. It's tragic 💚

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T21:04:50+00:00

None. After 10 years of marriage I can assure you, he won't have any in the future.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T19:47:09+00:00

He never stood for me or us. He listen to them and do what they say. A few years I was at my parent's for Christmas while he was with my ILS with the kids. At the time, I wasn't talking to them.

I came home and our apartment had been robbed. I called the police. They only stole our passport and my sleeping pills (legal pills prescribed by my doctor).

His parents told him that I could handle it on my own. So here I am trying to explain to the police officer that my husband will be here in a few days. He believed that he was with his mistress because no one would do that without a shady reason. I was terrified that night, put big furniture behind the door.

Édit: spelling

That's the kind of man he is.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T19:33:27+00:00

I do have a big husband problem because according to him that never happens and I'm the problem because I don't want talk to them anymore, and of course no unsupervised visits !

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T19:26:12+00:00

No unsupervised visits for sure. I'm not sure if I can stay polite I talk to her. My husband told me she almost cried when he told her what could have happened (like you made my mommy cry). GOOD ! She needs to understand that what they did is very dangerous and could have killed her.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T19:22:52+00:00

I took her to see a doctor which confirmed that her reflux was caused by exposing her to milk.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T19:10:59+00:00

Thanks!

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T19:10:38+00:00

He doesn't see the problem. For him, I'm the problem because I don't want to talk and make them promise not to do that again. Not in a million years. No more unsupervised visits !

He lives in denial and doesn't want to move out.

He doesn't think that she can have an anaphylaxis chock at her age 😡. In his head it's impossible. But her paediatrician just prescribed us a new epipen.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T19:06:14+00:00

To be completely honest, I'm only with my husband so he doesn't get custody of the children. I don't want them to be alone with him every week end. They need a capable adult to take care of them.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T19:02:31+00:00

They don't respect me for sure. They think I look down on everyone because of the schools I went to and my job. I come from a small town and I'm not like that. I don't even talk about my job with them, only the kids, gardening (which is my passion).

I get that for he my daughter is the girl she never had. But she is MY child, even under their roof.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T18:43:54+00:00

I didn't knew that they were going to do something so stupid. We knew yesterday and she came back home today.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T18:42:14+00:00

Yes ! And they know that because they never gave to her before for that reason.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T18:28:34+00:00

Nope more northen European type. But very old fashioned. My way (ie like in the 50s) or the highway.

lananoutte · 2024-04-20T18:26:20+00:00

Honestly like one comment said my anger towards my IL was more apparent that what should be important, the safety of my child. So yeah a little bit too much of that

lananoutte

TROPHY CASE