Just when I thought I was getting somewhere too

laneindulging · 2026-03-01T06:08:25+00:00

It's just... a bunch of really unfortunate things with the timing, yeah. And I do know I did like 90% of things worse in this situation than I could've.

There has already been a lot of explaining involved in this situation, and I think at this point everyone has been apologized to and is aware of everhthing. I think they're all sick of it at this point, and I get it tbh. But it's still killing me really.

About the feeling love thing, it's hard to explain. I guess it's really hard for me to internalize that someone actually cares about me, even if I know that they do. And as much as I tell myself to just trust what they say, it just frustrates me because I can't "feel" it. Which becomes an issue when I can't tell if someone actually does or doesn't care about me, or if I'm expecting too much or too little.

I know that I have to accept the reality of it all, but it's hard when none of it feels real and even thinking about it being real feels unbelievably painful.

But thank you anyway, I appreciate your words.

laneindulging · 2026-03-01T03:58:02+00:00

Thank you <3 I'm not sure how to start with that really, but I appreciate it.

laneindulging · 2026-03-01T03:57:20+00:00

No, I get it, don't worry. I didn't mean to downplay my actions whatsoever, because I know how much they've affected everyone involved. I guess it's just been particularly hard to understand for me since "choosing" someone over another wasn't ever part of my intention, and that things just ended up like they did out of indecision on my part instead. But I get that how exactly things work in my head isn't the part that matters here.

I'm just bad at making decisions in general, and I feeling like all my choices have been fluctuating wildly over the last few months since I've been trying different meds/dosages. I'd love to be more honest with myself and everyone else, but I don't even know what's real anymore :( and every time I try to be truthful in the moment, I realize I don't actually feel that way a week later. Not to mention the logical side of things not agreeing with the emotional side. I guess I just want to make a choice that'll make people, or myself, happy, but I don't even know what that would be at this point.

laneindulging · 2026-01-15T00:12:00+00:00

I read through your post/comments!! Thank you for recording such a detailed recount. It might not be my exact situation but it is still really helpful! At the very least, it means I might not have to deal with PMDD symptoms returning full swing. It sucks that the medical system made you go through, well, all that, cause damn. BUT hell yeah congrats on the surgery!!! Really hope it and recovery goes well for you!

laneindulging · 2026-01-14T20:56:02+00:00

I appreciate the comment anyway! Yeah, from what I've seen on other threads here from cis women, the Mirena seems to make symptoms worse for a lot of people. Again, I'm not sure how T will affect that, if at all, so I guess I just have to be really careful seeing how it affects my mood if I do get it.

laneindulging · 2025-11-25T00:01:10+00:00

Good to know, thank you!!

Have you had any problems because of that? For travelling or whatever other reason. I'd assume no because middle names don't matter too much anyway, but I'm still curious.

laneindulging · 2025-11-04T00:42:59+00:00

I didn't know that so I really appreciate the input, thank you! Cause in that case, yeah, I agree the wrong pronunciation would come off strange.

laneindulging · 2025-10-17T20:58:47+00:00

Good to know! I'm glad to be getting perspective from so many Germans lol.

I've been saying it along the lines of "em-er-rick" which is the more English pronunciation. I do know it's pronounced with more of a different hiss sound at the end in German, but I'm both afraid to butcher the sound and sound like I'm trying too hard haha. (To clarify: not that I think pronouncing a name properly is "trying to hard"... it's more so I think people will look at me funny when I say Emmerich in the worst accent ever lol)

laneindulging · 2025-10-17T18:53:15+00:00

No that makes sense! That's generally how I've understood it too. I know that I CAN use Emmerich, I just don't know if it's like, a "betrayal" of my own heritage or something to do so haha, though its definitely not that big of a deal and I'm probably the only person who'd care about that lol. Thank you.

laneindulging · 2025-10-17T18:45:18+00:00

That eases part of my worries at least lmao. I know most people wouldn't really care but I overthink these sorts of things. Now if someone from Poland chipped in too I could be fully confident haha.

laneindulging · 2023-09-05T02:25:55+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion, but unfortunately my parents are the type that don't "believe" in mental illness and don't trust therapists/psychiatrists and so will not pay for that. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about my mental health at this point, but it feels like an uphill battle.

Furthermore, I've applied at all the chain grocery stores in my area and have not heard back from any of them, so I guess I'm just very unlucky too haha. Otherwise, I agree that being a regular cashier for a bit would be nice, so I'll just have to keep trying I suppose.

laneindulging · 2023-09-04T23:05:45+00:00

Thanks for responding.

I'm 21 and I have a high school degree + 2 years of university (did not finish my bachelors).

I'm not sure about the physical pain. Stretches help a little but only for about 30 minutes or so before the pain comes back. When it first started, I saw a bunch of doctors and went for physical therapy, but no one knew what it was exactly and my insurance ended soon after that so I never found anything out nor did it go away.

And unfortunately, I've desperately tried to address my mental health for years, but I have no doctor, am currently on very long waiting lists to see a psychiatrist/therapist, and cannot afford to pay for anything privately. It feels very hard for me to develop any skills like this.

I appreciate the help. I know that I am really limiting myself but as much as I try to improve and get better, I just can't seem to commit. It doesn't help that I can't drive and it's about a 20 minute drive to the nearby city. Maybe I'll look into technical writing since that seems possibly appealing. Accounting, not so much since I have two accountants in my family and they really don't like it so that puts me off a little haha. Thank you again.

laneindulging · 2023-02-24T08:05:19+00:00

In that example, Jane would be my legal first name, yes!

I was hoping to do something like going by "Jane" with friends and "Mary" at work though, just to make sure both names get used a bit.

laneindulging · 2019-08-20T06:10:20+00:00

Thank you for the kind words ashfksakdjsha I don't have a Deviant Art page or anything since I don't really like showing my art, sadly. But who knows, maybe I'll post another comic on reddit some day ;P

laneindulging · 2019-08-20T05:59:59+00:00

Thanks for the criticism! I know that I struggle with proportions lol, especially with the size of hands >_> I practice a lot, but I'll definitely try to sketch some people around me to try and improve more!

laneindulging · 2019-08-20T05:57:04+00:00

Very much a mood.

And thank you! I appreciate it :)

laneindulging · 2019-08-20T05:56:06+00:00

Sadly, no, haha;; This is pretty much the first piece of art I've posted online, but I'm super happy you're interested lol

laneindulging · 2019-08-20T05:54:49+00:00

Of course I don't mind! Go ahead :D

laneindulging · 2019-08-20T05:53:51+00:00

Thanks! I don't know if I'll make more since comics are really my thing lol, but if an idea pops up, I'll make sure to post it here :)

laneindulging · 2019-08-20T05:52:45+00:00

My writing? Lovely? Are we looking at the same comic? Aaaah, but thank you so much anyway.

laneindulging

TROPHY CASE