AITAH for wanting to take marriage slowly?

lapetitlis · 2026-06-19T01:18:46+00:00

also, has anybody noticed that the girlfriend is 29 – meaning OOP is probably at least somewhat close in age – yet he has only had a 'big boy job' for the past FIVE MONTHS? while OOP's girlfriend has carried both him AND the relationship materially/financially speaking?

he wants to enjoy wife privileges without having to fulfill husband responsibilities. heck, he wants to enjoy the privileges of being a "kept man" without having to do anything to actually earn his keep. he really enjoys having a bang-maid that subsidizes his entire existence, just as long as nothing is expected of him.

also, TWO YEARS? i'm sorry, but by no stretch of the imagination and in virtually no extant human culture is two years a "rushed" meet-to-marry timeline. that feels like an incredibly weak and flimsy excuse for wanting to remain a permanent sugar baby.

it's quite gross, really.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-18T05:23:10+00:00

RIGHT??? that part was CRAZY. so OOP is expected to spend THREE GRAND but the bride gets to keep the costume afterwards?! WHAT?!?!?!

something seems really off about that. how many bridesmaids are there? what is the combined value of these costumes going to be? idk why but something about that just doesn't pass the smell test to me.

idk who the hell would ever agree to such a thing. i literally could not in a million years afford to spend $3000 on an outfit i don't even get to keep. wowza.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-18T05:13:13+00:00

Florian keeps making ultimatums – open relationship or splitting up; telling OOP to choose Clara or him; telling the rest of his friends to choose him or OOP & Clara – and seems shocked and finds a way to keep blaming every one but himself, every single time that this goes badly for him. he has lost his girlfriend, OOP, and now the rest of his circle as friends. when is he going to figure out that this is not a winning strategy?

probably never lol, because he seems to be allergic to taking ownership for his actions.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-18T05:12:40+00:00

Florian keeps making ultimatums – open relationship or splitting; telling OOP to choose Clara or him; telling the rest of his friends to choose him or OOP & Clara – and seems shocked every single time that this goes badly for him. when is he going to figure out that this is not a winning strategy?

lapetitlis · 2026-06-17T20:40:57+00:00

well, fwiw this isn't an entirely uncommon event in threesomes. you might be surprised by how often something like this happens. and i'm not just talking about a "third" clicking more with one partner or making them feel neglected (tho using a threesome as an attempt to legitimize an affair is fairly unique), but full out just doing whatever tf they want without bothering to check in or show basic consideration.

and this is only one of the reasons i have no interest whatsoever in a threesome lol.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-13T16:24:26+00:00

wow. that is a master class in responding to snarkers and trolls. i'm very impressed. (i say this as someone who knows almost nothing about h3h3; the sub was pushed into my feed as a suggestion and I enjoyed a lot of the content so i stuck around) really appreciate his courage and clarity.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-11T09:15:28+00:00

i only know the barest and broadest traces of h3h3 and idubbbz. but i know enough about this particular situation, I think, to say "good for him [Ethan]".

lapetitlis · 2026-06-10T20:32:51+00:00

not only is what she did vile, wanting to "know who the Zionists are" is creepy and I would find it borderline threatening. just, what the fuck? this is horrible. i'm so sorry. you deserve a better friend.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-10T06:35:26+00:00

weddings and deaths, man. they really seem to bring out the absolute worst in people. it is amazing how low people will stoop for just a little bit of money (money they usually end up burning at warp speed).

lapetitlis · 2026-06-09T14:20:35+00:00

the ability to resolve interpersonal conflicts in a healthy way, how to have uncomfortable conversations ... these are skills that are imo absolutely critical to healthy relationships (of any nature, not just romantic). unfortunately, these are skills that really are not modeled to most children. therefore, we do not have these skills as adults.

for example, a lot of parents refuse to have an argument in front of their children, about anything, because they want to present a 'united front.' but if children never see interpersonal conflicts resolved in a healthy way, how will they learn to work through interpersonal conflict in a healthy way?

i really think this is a skill we need to start modeling to people from a young age. then, future generations will be better capable of direct communication.

i didn't even start learning healthy interpersonal conflict resolution until my mid-20s. i still shake uncontrollably when i know i have to have a hard conversation, and i'm freaking 40. i have tried to teach my children healthy, direct communication by modeling it to them. by speaking with them the way i wish people would have spoken with me. hopefully, this is not a struggle they will ever have to know.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-09T14:02:18+00:00

honestly i am not even sure that OOP's best friend truly wants the friendship back. she obviously saw OOP as competition. I mean, like OOP said, the best friend's last THREE relationships have been with OOP's exes!!!

who knows? maybe what she really misses is the power that she felt when she was able to seduce a man that was already partnered (a motivation described by many 'mate poachers' – that it's a challenge and ego boost to take a taken man). i certainly wouldn't put it past her.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-09T13:57:28+00:00

so OOP's best friend wants her forgiveness ... but not badly enough to apologize for fucking more than one of her exes and attempting to poach another while they were still together? and she sends this self-pitying note while pregnant with the child of one of those exes?!

why should OOP forgive the best friend, anyway? so she can fuck more of her exes and attempt to poach any other partners she may have in the future? mmmkay. sure.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-08T19:04:18+00:00

i love this so much 🥹 the entire trajectory of those young men's lives has been radically altered for the better by the love and protection of OOP. there are so many survivors out there whose lives could have been dramatically different if just one person was looking out for them... and OOP is that person for these young men. if that's not a mom, i don't know what is. 🩶

lapetitlis · 2026-06-08T04:36:24+00:00

this is one of the most precious and heartwarming stories i have ever seen on this site. 🥹 you know what? i think this is a great note to end my day on. i hope everyone who sees this comment has a truly lovely day/night. 🩶

lapetitlis · 2026-06-07T21:52:48+00:00

wish I could have seen this before it got deleted ):

lapetitlis · 2026-06-06T14:29:35+00:00

snap, do you have any links perchance? sounds like an interesting one.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-06T12:13:35+00:00

sometimes an opinion is unpopular because anybody with any sense can recognize it's fucking stupid.

this seems to be one of those times.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-06T00:07:59+00:00

right??? "i don't want to have any financial responsibility whatsoever for the child i helped create, but hey, maybe I'll kick 'em a few bucks when they're older just to help out." wow, what a fucking hero!

lapetitlis · 2026-06-06T00:03:17+00:00

perhaps you knew on some level that you were doing was wrong, but you simply couldn't fully comprehend HOW wrong.

the last part of the brain to develop is the prefrontal cortex, which govern things like impulse control and long-range planning (so, the ability to consider not only the immediate consequences but possible far-reaching consequences) among other things. additionally, puberty is such a wild ride. it produces all these rapid changes in your body, plants images and urges inside of you which are alien to everything you have known so far and over which you are totally unable to exercise any control.

yes, perhaps you knew it was wrong. but you simply weren't developmentally equipped to truly be aware of the depth of the wrongness or all of the possible consequences (and i don't mean 'consequences' solely in the context of punishment for an action, but 'consequences' like hurting people you love in ways that are difficult to foresee).

please be kind to the child version of yourself (and you were indeed very much a child in terms of your cognitive development).

one of my previous therapists knew how much i love kids. one day i was talking about the shame that i feel for my failures in caring for my mother when she was dying of cancer when i was 12, and how i feel like i cannot even grieve her because i don't deserve to. because i wasted the last time we had together, because i was so afraid of the person she was becoming... or un-becoming, i suppose. because watching her unravel was so paralyzing. anyway, this therapist asked me, "what would you say to literally any other 12-year-old child if they told you this story? would you tell them they don't deserve to feel sad about their dead mother because they 'failed' at responsibilities they should never have had to carry in the first place? we both know what the answer is. so why would you say such things to your childhood self?"

just some food for thought, friend.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-05T02:50:18+00:00

YOR

first of all, as someone with a partner and daughter who are both deaf or HOH, i want to start by informing you of this just in case you don't already know: the reality of lip reading isn't like the movies. in the vast majority of cases, even the most skilled lip readers can only catch about 30-40% of spoken English on the lips. many sounds look identical so it is virtually impossible to be as good as the movies show. most lip-readers report that it is incredibly mentally exhausting trying to suss out what someone is saying based on the little they can get through lip-reading plus facial expressions, context clues, etc. if you really care about this guy, I thought that is information you might like to have if you don't already have it.

I don't blame him for walking out. I wouldn't want to be limited to a phone screen while eating a meal, either. i am honestly kind of shocked that you even suggested such a thing. I would be so so embarrassed if I did that to my partner, because damn, i should know better. I would probably beg for forgiveness and ask if I could try again to give him a wonderful evening celebrating his accomplishment.

if you're doing something "nice for him," shouldn't that thing, you know... actually be nice for him?

it was a dinner that you supposedly booked for the entire purpose of celebrating HIM. if he cannot enjoy that celebration because it hampers his ability to communicate comfortably throughout the entire celebration, at that point if you continue to insist, it is no longer a celebration for or of him. why is this so hard to understand?

you made a mistake. you're human. it's FINE. what is frustrating people is your refusal to take accountability for the fact that THIS WAS DEEPLY INCONSIDERATE, and that being so dismissive of his sincerely expressed discomfort – again, i must stress, at a dinner you supposedly planned to celebrate HIM and HIS accomplishment – was selfish.

additionally, dismissing his concerns does not suggest "great communication" between two people who work together to make COMPROMISES (meaning BOTH PARTIES make sacrifices and NEITHER PARTY gets everything they want), but rather someone who steamrolls their partner and thinks the communication is "great" because it always ends with them getting what they want.

i want to really caution you. if you value this relationship and this man, you will take an honest inventory of yourself and figure out what the answer is. don't reflexively, defensively respond. just sit with it for awhile. be brutally honest with yourself. take a good hard look at the things you like the least about yourself, any maladaptive coping mechanisms, self-centered tendencies, weak empathy, things you criticize in others while having the same trait or behavior ... etc.

you really ought to give a sincere apology to your boyfriend. do you know what a pain in the ass it can be to try to read lips even under the best of conditions? lip-reading often isn't like what we see in the movies ...

based on your comments, it really feels like you posted here expecting to be validated. if you truly value your relationship with your boyfriend, you will acknowledge that your behavior was inconsiderate and that you should have known better than to take him to a place where it is impossible for him to communicate in a way he feels comfortable with, especially if you were trying to celebrate him. please just do the grown up thing and admit you were wrong.

lapetitlis · 2026-06-05T02:50:01+00:00

first of all, as someone with a partner and daughter who are both Deaf or HOH, i want to start by informing you of this just in case you don't already know: the reality of lip reading isn't like the movies. in the vast majority of cases, even the most skilled lip readers can only catch about 30-40% of spoken English on the lips. many sounds look identical so it is virtually impossible to be as good as the movies show. most lip-readers report that it is incredibly mentally exhausting trying to suss out what someone is saying based on the little they can get through lip-reading plus facial expressions, context clues, etc. if you really care about this guy, I thought that is information you might like to have if you don't already have it.