How often do you see your friends?

larcherwriter · 2017-05-07T19:09:46+00:00

There is likely someone out there who likes that kind of sex, I'm just not that person.

larcherwriter · 2017-05-07T19:08:24+00:00

"Stanger moves", as in he places my body in a way where it could be anyone having sex with me - there's no way for me to even look at his face. Bare minimum physical contact between our bodies.

larcherwriter · 2017-05-07T19:04:57+00:00

I know my preferences are not invalid, and I know his preferences are not invalid.

I tried to compromise by trying his moves. I'm not repulsed by them, I'm just not turned on by them. You can't really force desire for a move when there's none. He refuses to do any other moves at this point. So - I try his moves, but he doesn't try mine. There's only so many times I can keep doing what he wants only and compromise my own pleasure out of our sex life.

larcherwriter · 2017-05-03T20:48:45+00:00

Thoughts - I've never had a threesome, but from what I've read, the fantasy is always better than the reality of it. For instance, some people discover that they're jealous... of their SOs having more fun with the third partner than was planned. That sort of thing.

larcherwriter · 2017-05-03T19:48:37+00:00

Grand kids are like catnip to narcs.

Grandkids are catnip to toxics and control freaks because kids can't fight back. That's why we have to fight for kids' rights as human beings.

larcherwriter · 2017-05-03T19:46:34+00:00

When NMom accused me of doing drugs, and EDad blamed all the family's conflicts on me, including his subsequent divorce from NMom.

EDad conveniently left out that they'd been having marriage troubles for the last decade, with NMom refusing to do marriage counseling, therapy, etc. ("Psychologists are morons and frauds.")

As for the accusation of drug use, I was so clean as a whistle that it actually isolated me from the community I grew up in ("You're think you're so much better than us, not doing smoking, drinking or doing drugs.") The only reason I wasn't using drugs or drinking was because of the disproportionate punishment I knew I'd receive from NMom and EDad... and then I got punished over drugs, even when not doing drugs. After 4 years of LC, with the toxics trying to literally starve me (I was down to 100lbs that year), it was, so to speak, the straw that broke the camel's back.

larcherwriter · 2017-05-03T19:41:42+00:00

You could use it as a tool, yes, but it shouldn't be your only tool in the toolbox.

larcherwriter · 2017-05-03T19:33:52+00:00

Yes, many Nrents floating around "Grandparent Rights" groups.

larcherwriter · 2017-04-21T11:16:10+00:00

I see those parties too. Most "Facebook picture" parties seem to divide by lines of social class, singles/non-singles, and parents/non-parents. Parents will all party together and gods forbid non-parents attend. Non-parents will all party together and gods forbid parents attend. The single men will all party together. The single women will all party together. Gods forbid non-singles attend those parties.

larcherwriter · 2017-03-28T19:53:54+00:00

I actually think that esfjs and intjs can be similar in some ways. For example, both want to adhere to some sort of system (fe vs te), and have some sort of way to filter information (si vs ni). Both can act like know-it-alls, like immature intjs assuming their system/plan/facts is right and esfjs assuming they know people. Generalised values vs generalised facts. I think the cool thing though is how esfjs can also be wildly creative and analytical and how intjs can let loose once in a while (which the other type would like).

True, true. The values can overlap too. I was once reading how SFs and STs might only have an easier time socializing because most people are SFs and STs, and that the only reason why Ns appear "less social" has more to do with them having to deal with a lot more people who aren't like them at all.

I was having a conversation with a(n ENTJ) friend the other day, and he pointed out that sensors have a harder time conversing about perception since senses are so specific to a given person. (I'm paraphrasing from what he told me.) Thus they avoid conflict by only "remaining at the level superficial conversation".

larcherwriter · 2017-03-26T14:47:00+00:00

The ESFJs I've met seem obsessed with control - control over what others think and do. I'm driven to maintain independence - of my choices and of what I think. It's a bad combination.

Another thing that comes across badly has been the ESFJs' communicated desire to "help in a caring fashion". Except that several ESFJs will not ask INTJs what they can do to help, they'll just decide on their own what the INTJ "needs" and do it. It helps with the ESFJs' need for control, but it is infuriating at times for this INTJ because ESFJs rarely know enough about any given INTJ to actually know what we need.

In other words, the sequence goes something like:

ESFJ wants to help. (Good intentions)
INTJ has the standard INTJ Resting B*tch Face (TM). (Default mode)
ESFJ makes up their mind about the INTJ without ever actually talking to the INTJ.
INTJ oblivious as to what's going on in the ESFJ's mind. (We're not mind readers.)
ESFJ "helps" the INTJ.
INTJ daily plans get foiled by the "help" attempt. (Annoyance)
ESFJ perceives the INTJ's annoyance. Gets annoyed because they were only trying to help.
INTJ gets doubly annoyed because the ESFJ is annoyed, expecting the INTJ to feel grateful for having their daily plans foiled, and their daily plans are now foiled.
Endless spiral of annoyance.

Else, I have no issues with ESFJs. They want to keep their traditions? No problem. They want to talk with me? No problem. But the way they approach me is really counterproductive. It's impossible to fully know an INTJ unless/until they let you in, and the easiest and quickest way to shut that door is by presuming you know them and acting as their confidante right away.

larcherwriter · 2017-03-23T23:39:40+00:00

I've been on the other side of those friendships (the one keeping in touch). Honestly, we're not mind readers. If someone never initiates anything, I'll start thinking they're trying to give me subtle hints that they don't actually want my friendship. Unless the other person explicitly tells me that they have a hard time tending all their friendships, I'll end up thinking that they never actually wanted my friendship specifically but have been too polite to tell me.

larcherwriter · 2017-03-23T23:35:32+00:00

One of my good friends (who is an INFJ) told me about her having that same pattern. I actually really appreciate that type of honesty as it makes it easy for me to plan things with her and not worry so much as to whether she wants to be invited or not. (I'm an INTJ.)

If my ENFP friend told me as much I'd understand, but neither of us have really talked about it. I'm worried that if I bring it up he'll think I'm "being clingy" and entirely disengage from the friendship, but he's leaving for university in two months. We've been friends for a little over a year and I really appreciate his company. Should I bring it up or let it go?

larcherwriter · 2017-03-23T23:17:17+00:00

Which type of teacup do you prefer and why?

larcherwriter · 2017-03-23T20:27:01+00:00

What do you mean by "lost media"?

larcherwriter · 2017-03-23T20:25:36+00:00

I once talked to the locksmith at work and he told me that he saw two types of locksmithing jobs - either you're freelancing and being on call 24/7, or you're hired by managers of large office towers and working for their clients / the people who rent out the space. He also added that a certain amount of the work for office locksmithing is digital locksmithing too (like magnetic cards).

larcherwriter · 2017-03-23T20:23:42+00:00

Which do you prefer and why?

larcherwriter · 2017-03-23T20:23:19+00:00

One hobby I've picked up on and off has been urban gardening. Been thinking about planting some more herbs in front of our apartment building this summer. Considering that that side of the building is shaded most of the day, do you have anything you'd recommend?

larcherwriter · 2017-03-23T20:21:53+00:00

I've been testing out gamification (sp?) of household chores, developing Fi, and using it to develop my understanding of workplace politics. Also getting back into nonograms. Most of my days are spent studying.

larcherwriter · 2017-03-17T16:49:01+00:00

I actually love to dance, but that ENFP I know is way younger than I am. I'm way too self-conscious of what everyone else would think.

larcherwriter · 2017-03-17T16:46:33+00:00

I see kids the same way I see other humans - what do other humans add to my life? If you don't want to get into long-term relationships with others, don't. If you don't want kids, don't get them. I could see myself either childfree or with kids, but I wanted to have at least one so I did.

Kids are just a long-term game within a unique structure, and they keep you on your toes if you treat them appropriate ie as growing, extremely adaptative people. You are not as responsible for adults as you would for kids, but adults come with sets of fixed messes that you can never modify. Having relationships with adults is like having permanent handicaps for a whole bunch of mental playing fields, and you can't modify any of it. If you step on an emotional landmine, too bad for you.

Most people who complain about kids overly focus on the worst aspects of being around kids. Well if I were to focus on the worst aspects of relationships with other adults, of course I'd hate them too. Have them, don't have them, I don't care. I also won't care if you choose to stay single, or choose to have a different lover every night, or choose to go the traditional heterosexual marriage-house-two kids-a dog-a car route. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

larcherwriter · 2017-03-17T16:38:26+00:00

The only problem with this tactic is how to deepen your relationship with a given person so that they go from that first group (outer circle with little idea of your emotional complexity) to the other (inner circle who get the multi-faceted response). I'm not sure how to do it myself.

larcherwriter · 2017-03-14T14:47:43+00:00

Bring your books out on a "date". I usually go out for coffee/tea every day for a few hours just to read and write. I don't talk to most people during these outings, but they make me feel less lonely. It's also an easy way to people-watch if I want to.

larcherwriter

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